Tracking On Phones.

I am not sure people understand how uncomfortable the curtain twitchers made people though

In the end it comes down to trust within a family. If you don't trust someone's behaviour or motives then don't use it. Ours is there if we or other members need to look at it. If we wanted to hide where we were going for a particular reason then we would just pause it. As we are all busy doing other things I doubt anyone would notice and they certainly wouldn't comment.

Morning all. My take on this is that if it works for you and yours, then let it. Social/family 'tracking' is not a new phenomenon. Modern devices have simply extended the range of where it can happen. A few decades ago it was the 'curtain twitchers' making their 'reports' at the local shop. But before that, 'tracking' went on for centuries in small communities, and is one of the reasons people find it challenging to live in small towns and villages.

I accept it has its purpose in lots of situations, however tracking adult children - well just weird especially if they don't know!!!! Bizarre.

And of course, there is always the risk that those who are obsessively tracking a partner, for instance, may find out something they hadn't bargained for!

AreWeThereYet

I don't think anyone is arguing that it's not a very useful function at times. Or arguing that it shouldn't be used. But to me it's the constant monitoring of what other people are doing throughout their day that's totally wrong. Having a quick check for a specific purpose is not the same as keeping track of people all day just because you want to know what they are doing.

Having a quick check for a specific purpose is not the same as keeping track of people all day just because you want to know what they are doing.

It very much depends on the nature of the individual, and the purpose of the individual wanting to track a family member's movements, I believe.

The poster who said that her OH sometimes took long walks into isolated areas, for example, makes a good point in favour of tracking. So do those who are closely involved and interacting with family - picking up kids from school whilst AC are at work, etc, etc.

However, in the hands of those who have a 'controlling' nature, or whose idle curiosity leads them to question why someone is doing something or going somewhere, then one could say it's not a very good idea.

Case in point; my ex MIL and late ex DH were both controlling individuals. Ex MIL was the type of person who lived a regulated life where certain things were done at specific times and any deviation would arouse suspicion about what one was "up to". Late ex was both possessive and controlling. If either had had the option of tracking me, I would've been required to constantly explain my movements and give reasons for why I went there instead of here. The very fact of not wanting to be tracked would have made me suspect. They were both very much of the "if-you've-nothing-to-hide^... etc brigade.

And that's what worries me - the notion that wanting privacy without having to justify it, is somehow suspicious. One poster on here has actually voiced that opinion implying that if you've "nothing to hide" you shouldn't be averse to being tracked! If people can't understand that you don't want to go through life without someone metaphorically tapping you on the shoulder questioning your movements, then that is quite depressing. IMO.

AreWeThereYet

Both parties do have to consent but I wonder how many ACs who consented for a particular reason (travelling, for instance) realise they are being stalked throughout the day as they go about their life? Many would probably laugh it off, depending on who was doing it. I would too, to a certain extent. But it would make me feel a bit queasy, and I don't think I would be comfortable with the stalker in the future. Although I would feel quite sad for anyone watching me go about my fairly boring (to anyone else), mundane life.

One of the parties just has to press ‘delete’ and that’s it, no need to ask anyone for permission.

I do understand that maddyone, but I do not think you can ban something that is useful and can help keep people safe, because it can also be subject to misuse. You are not going to prevent controlling behaviour by getting rid of an app, there are plenty of covert ways of stalking and tracking. The key thing here is to understand how technology can be abused and to empower potential victims to protect themselves online as well as other ways.

My adult son has invited us to join his "Find My". My husband looks at it to see what he's up to or where he is but I rarely do. My son often rings me when he is in his cups and walking home on his own from a night out. It is something he did as a teenager and he carried on with it so he feels safe. Once we got cut off suddenly and he made a funny noise as it happened. He didn't ring back as normally does and I was able to check his phone was still moving in the direction he was supposed to be going so I didn't need to worry.
My other children would find it an invasion of their privacy but I am happy to let them have my consent to see where I am mainly so when I am picking them up at their house they can be ready so I don't have to wait for them!
If the adults are consenting and there is no coercion, I don't see a problem. I let my husband track me and I can track him but, quite honestly, I don't see any point 99% of the time.
Each to their own.

Doodledog

Blondiescot

AreWeThereYet and maddyone - totally agree with you both.

I agree with you all .

I also think that the idea that not wanting it means that you have something to hide is dangerous. Wanting privacy is not synonymous with having anything to hide.

Exactly. And if people can't see the difference in that, that's worrying.

We have an app called Life 360 on all our family phones. We love to see where we all are. Everyone is happy to be seen and it is comforting to know if one of us is out on their own (especially my daughter out riding) someone knows where they are. BTW my children are all grown up with children of their own.

Blondiescot

AreWeThereYet and maddyone - totally agree with you both.

I agree with you all .

I also think that the idea that not wanting it means that you have something to hide is dangerous. Wanting privacy is not synonymous with having anything to hide.

We have Life 360 for ourselves and son’s family. We don’t regard it as tracking, rather that we know where everyone is at any given time. We are not following each other constantly.

AreWeThereYet and maddyone - totally agree with you both.

Mamie

It seems to me that people throwing their hands up in horror at the very idea have failed to understand that if you don't want it on your phone, you can refuse to install it in the first place, pause it, or just delete the bl**dy thing.

I’m sorry Mamie I don’t think you understand. People who are victims of control don’t delete the app because they think it’s normal for people to behave like this. Even highly intelligent and educated people can believe this is normal. Eventually they become aware it’s not normal, that’s it’s controlling behaviour and they leave the relationship, which in itself is difficult for them. It’s entirely different than parents using the app so that they know where their children are for safety reasons.
I know someone who was controlled in this way, it really happens.

I don't think anyone is arguing that it's not a very useful function at times. Or arguing that it shouldn't be used. But to me it's the constant monitoring of what other people are doing throughout their day that's totally wrong. Having a quick check for a specific purpose is not the same as keeping track of people all day just because you want to know what they are doing.

My DD often uses the "location" button on WhatsApp when she's out alone walking her dog as she goes for miles in the middle of nowhere. That gives me her live location for a choice of 1, 3 or 5 hours

I have an acquaintance whose daughters began ‘tracking’ her for safety reasons when she first arranged to meet a man from an internet dating sight. She was fully aware & quite happy that they were doing this.

Azalea99

What makes you think that parents have trackers for their (compliant) ACs are overly attached in the first place? It’s a highly practical use of technology in this day & age. And yes, my DIL is perfectly happy to share her location - largely because she gets lost rather easily.

It’s overly attached because capable, healthy adults having another person seeing every place they are 24/7 isn’t something that has ever been needed, nor does it currently serve a practical purpose. You have plans, call them and confirm. Why the need to watch exactly where they are? Their words aren’t enough? A minor, yes absolutely for obvious reasons you would want to confirm physical locations. Your DIL doesn’t have GPS or any of the myriad of apps to help her find locations? All the actual tech that exists solely for helping people get from one place to another suddenly is less adequate than having you watch her every move? She will get lost if her family doesn’t know where she is at all times? I’ve yet to read a realistic, practical defense. It’s enmeshment. Plain and simple. And for everyone willing to join the previously existing dynamic of enmeshment you can go online and read more posts complaining about spouses whose parents creepily insist on seeing their spouse’s location. This is right up there with having access to your married children’s bank accounts. This is worse than calling every night to make sure they reached home safely. They aren’t children. You shouldn’t know where they are 24/7. The cord needs to be cut at some point.

Just because we can doesn’t always mean we should.

I track my Mum or should I say her keys. I always know where her keys are whether she is with them or not!

With iPhone the find my friends facility has to have the agreement of all concerned . My AC would never agree and I wouldn’t want to be tracking them anyway . Neither would I want to be tracked .
I can see the advantages of using it for teenagers or vulnerable adults.
But to use it to get someone’s dinner on the table as soon as they walk through the door is weird .
I have a friend who tracks her DH and AC and says things like AC is at the gym or the supermarket. Just weird and stalkerish .
And yes I’m very tech savvy and embrace new technologies. My house alarm alerts me when someone enters and leaves the house and I have a ring doorbell, which is useful as my area has had a spate of burglaries. And I have what3words on my phone. But each to their own

I find it totally bizarre and controlling but if the technology had been available when I was younger my mother would have been outraged when I and my siblings refused to install it. We suffered enough.

If she's happy about it, that's fine. I just find it all a bit bizarre, that's all. I would NOT have wanted my parents knowing my whereabouts at all times. I would still feel uneasy about anyone actively tracking me even now. I'm with lyleLyle on this. If you can't see how it can be controlling, then I'm at a loss to explain it to you.

What makes you think that parents have trackers for their (compliant) ACs are overly attached in the first place? It’s a highly practical use of technology in this day & age. And yes, my DIL is perfectly happy to share her location - largely because she gets lost rather easily.

Mamie

It seems to me that people throwing their hands up in horror at the very idea have failed to understand that if you don't want it on your phone, you can refuse to install it in the first place, pause it, or just delete the bl**dy thing.

Seems you are totally missing the point about how utterly bizarre and controlling it is to need to track fully capable adults down to the very location. There is literally nothing essential about it. Any justification for it is reaching. It’s enmeshment. There is no practical non-emergent reason for it. No one is arguing against a “Find My iPhone” situation. Devices get lost. That is the primary intended purpose of the tech. And yes, we know how to stop sharing our location on our individual devices. That’s nothing at all to do with knowing every location your married children touch down on. That’s just unhinged. I consider myself a fairly early adopter of practical tech when it comes to my generation. But using technology as yet another means for overly attached parents to track their adult offsprings is screams the need for therapy and healthy boundaries. I say again, I wonder how the spouses of these “men” feel about it. No way any of my daughters in law would put up with such enmeshment.