Making a will, don’t know what to do.

50/50 in my view too. Your husband can choose what he wants to leave to 'his' son as and when but for you it has to be a fair split.
I have just made a new Will. Strange experience, but as I own my home I have had to make a Trust Will to ensure my partner has somewhere to live if I go first, and then my children can choose as and when he needs to leave. I have discussed this with them all and it seems the best way.
Not a nice thought but it is something we need to do.

Hm, now there's a thought Doodledog - I was going to say I wouldn't re marry as complications/resentments possible with AC's on both sides -just better not to "go there" unless exceptional reasons.

But then it occurred - wouldn't one accrue obligations if one just co-habited anyway?

50/50 in my option too. You personally have two sons. albeit they have different fathers.....it is not really any of your business what provision your ex has made for the son you had with him. and I don't see they point in sweating about fairness well down the line.
Make your will, leaving equal. shares to both sons otherwise you might create conflict between them if you make it pro rata and things don't materialise when your ex dies.

split it ,although things can change with relationships with children, wills can be changed.

Wills are always a minefield.
When my father died back in 1996 he had written a will but that got contested.
He had 4 children: myself the eldest, my sister and a half brother and half sister from my step mother. He was in the process of a divorce from my step mother and had already given her plenty as she refused to work despite grown up children.
But he left everything to me , including a house in Cambridge, with a caveat that most was to be spent on my son's education, son at time was 13, but if my son was over 16 when he died then it was left to him. My son was the only child at the time from 4 children and because of the stepmother my father had been prevented from seeing him grow up.
I spent a year and a half with solicitors as the stepmother wanted the will overturned claiming he was of unsound mind( he was dying of cancer when he made the will but working right up to the morning he died and definitely sane)and the divorce had not yet gone through. In the end I settled on giving her the house and £25,000 provided she had no further contact with myself or my son or she could go to court. She settled. I refused extra money to her children as she could give her money to them but did give £10,000 to my sister, kept £10,000 for me, gave £5000 to the hospice where he died and the rest went to my son.
So good luck but I agree with others and would split it 50/50 with your sons

I have 4 children. The elder two were from a previous early marriage. The younger 2 with my OH of 30+ years. Our will is split in 2 - his half go to the 2 youngest, my half will be divided equally in 4. The elder 2 have already inherited significantly from their father. I talked to them all about this plan and they are all fine with it- the older 2 said - “you don’t have to leave us anything mum! “- this means the eldest 2 will each get 1/8th of the whole and the younger 2 will get 3/8ths.

I say 50/50. Our two offspring differ greatly in terms of income, wealth, marital status and family circumstances. We know that the financially better off one will be generous to the less well-off one, as is currently the case. We love them equally and wouldn't dream of showing any perceived favour to one above the other.

I am not seeing what provision you are each making for the other spouse here. Your will needs to be written in the assumption that you will die first. The surviving spouse can write a new will later if they/ you wish or need to. Do you have separate money? How is your house owned. What about the business?
You need to speak with a solicitor who will alert you to a variety of possibilities to consider.
Personally I am not comfortable with mirror wills which tie the hands of the surviving spouse.
To answer your question, only you can decide what to leave to whom, but surely the first to die may not have as much to leave as the second?
You may decide to split your estate equally between your two sons, but, if your husband survives you, he might do differently.

Mirror wills don't "tie the hands of the surviving spouse", the surviving spouse can change their will if the wish to do so.

Also, one can change their mirror will without the knowledge of their partner.

What I think the op recognises but many others don’t is that a 50:50 split actually disadvantages the child of the second marriage.
The first child could inherit from their birth father and their mother and step-father so 3 portions- technically 1 portion from mum one from stepdad and another portion from their birth father ie the 50% that is being discussed + something extra from Birthdad”.
The second child could only inherit the 50% from their mother and father (2 portions, as they don’t have two “fathers”.)
Could your will split things equally between your husband and your two children with a lifetime interest for your husband, his will splitting things between you and your joint child with a lifetime interest for you?

I doubt posters have failed to realise that the elder son may inherit from his birth father. Or of course he may not - maybe the father will have spent his money on care home fees. It’s a complete unknown. One can only work with known facts, not possibilities.

Such a good point Germanshepherds mum

Whatever you decide, and I favour Canadiangran's advice, consult a lawyer first and either before or after drawing up the will, tell both sons exactly what you have done and why.

I fail utterly to understand why so many people seem to think that adult children should be kept in ignorance, especially if you decide not to leave everything on a fifty-fifty basis.

Let me give an example: my sister's three children, as young adults, borrowed money from their great-aunt, my sister's and my maternal aunt.

My eldest niece repaid the loan well before my aunt's death, keeping strictly to the written agreement she and my aunt had made. Her younger sister had paid off most of her loan, as and when she could, their brother had made no effort at all to repay his.

In the full knowledge of this, my aunt chose not to differentiate between her great-nieces and nephew in her will, leaving the bulk of her money and the flat she owned to them jointly, the contents of the flat to my sister, and only small momentoes to her two godsons, and a small legacy plus momentoes to me.

My eldest niece was hurt that her correct behaviour in repaying a loan as agreed was in no way commended, my sister was hurt at receiving furniture and other household goods that she did not need, nor could easily dispose of and my aunt's godsons, whom my sister and I had known since their birth shortly after ours were desperately hurt at being told they could each choose one personal item from my aunt's home. My sister tried offering them more, but both refused, and neither have spoken to my sister or me since, although we had always beeen on good terms, although the one did attend my sister's funeral.

This sad state of things was not, I am sure, intended by my aunt, so do please take care.

I brought more to marriage over 40 yrs ago as had a previous house to sell. The new house is in both names and down the years it is joint accounts etc. I wrote a simple will leaving estate to husband and if he did not survive, equally to children. I wanted a god daughter/niece to have a bequest but husband objected as said I could not leave 'family' money like that. I retired from work to raise children and have no income in my own right as cashed out a work pension. A friend who is married and worked always not having children, now wants to bequest a host of nieces and nephews in her will. Her husband is an only child and objects! Yes it is a minefield so right to get good advice.

50/50. I've heard many stories about what can happen if you don't do that. It causes resentment. One son might end up with more, that's his luck and has nothing to do with you and your husband and second son.

Norah - I was struck, in a good way, reading about your children born in “groups”… two very early in teen years and two in your 40’s.

Not one, but two love ❤️ children! 🥰

I think the awesomeness of being a mother again (at the prime of a woman’s life!) along with younger kids gaining brothers or sisters in their 20’s (?) must have been double the roller-coaster excitement!!

My heart just swelled at the thought of this family dynamic. I think there’s a good script for a wonderful movie to be made out of this. Good luck finding a good script-writer!
Cheers!
USA Gundy

well, both sons will inherit 50/50 from you and then each son will inherit from their own fathers.
That will sound fair to me.

But, I assume that both sons are not youngsters, why not sit down with your oldest son first and discuss this open and hear what he has to say. Maybe he himself will have an opinion.
Speak to them on their own first though and don't speak all together to start off with, as that may put them in an awkward situation where they have to agree to something they may not have otherwise due to not wanting to offend each other.

Definitely don't ring fence any money or base your will on who you think needs more. But I don't think you are being given good advice on here. I think a fair way of doing this would be to think of your and your husband's total assets as split in 2 equal shares. You leave your half equally between your 2 sons, therefore each son receives 50% of your assets (25% of total assets). Your husband leaves his half to his son, therefore 100% of his assets (75% of total assets). It's actually a very simple equation and makes it much fairer to each child. I understand 25% to first child and 75% to second child might feel brutal but you are leaving your share equally and your husband is leaving his share to his son. Your first son has his Dad to inherit from, your second son does not. Bearing in mind your husband has brought your first son up you might want to divide into thirds instead. One third to your first son, two thirds to second son. Definitely ask your solicitor for advice as they have lots of experience of what people do in your circumstances but good to have an idea before you go.

Definitely 50/50. Only way to avoid future bitterness between two families. My mother-in-law left her house to her youngest son, because he didn't own a house, and his two older brothers did. The two older ones never spoke to their brother again.

GrannyRose15

I would go with 50/50 in the will but probably help out the less well off child more while I was alive.

I was thinking that too!

You might be over-thinking this. It's obviously your decision, as you are the only person with access to all the facts, but my instinct would be to keep it simple, and just go for a 50/50 split. Circumstances change, and something may happen down track which would make anything other than a straight split look unfair or ill-considered.

Simple is often best. You can’t legislate for what may or may not happen in the future. None of us has a crystal ball.

FarTooYoungForThis The OP was saying they were going to make "our will" - I and others have said they don't need to be mirror wills but as Passthechocolates hasn't come back subsequently on this point most of us have said 50/50 for her will. Maybe she still to thinks a couple make one will between them as she asks if it's " possible to safeguard my wishes for my half of our will"

I'm hope they will be seeing a solicitor to make the wills - as that will give her (and her husband) advice that suits them best.

NotSpaghetti

FarTooYoungForThis The OP was saying they were going to make "our will" - I and others have said they don't need to be mirror wills but as Passthechocolates hasn't come back subsequently on this point most of us have said 50/50 for her will. Maybe she still to thinks a couple make one will between them as she asks if it's " possible to safeguard my wishes for my half of our will"

I'm hope they will be seeing a solicitor to make the wills - as that will give her (and her husband) advice that suits them best.

@NotSpaghetti they both need to put the same in their wills as the one who dies last needs to uphold the decision and not change their will after the death of the first.