Am I expecting too much?

I feel like you do on the day as my two DS don't do anything for our birthdays and definitely not anniversaries. But I also don't say anything/send hints or reminders and don't organise anything so kind of my own fault .
Sometimes this comes from us the parents who often mirror our own family events or lack of from growing up. Both myself and my DH had extremely low key birthday celebrations so never been used to celebrating in a big way.
Here's to many more happy years for you and your DH 🎉😃 Happy Anniversary!

All families are different. My parents always celebrated their anniversary together, usually with a meal out, but my brother and I didn't recognise it. I guess we would have celebrated their silver wedding if they had reached it but my dad sadly died after 24 years of marriage. They didn't generally make a big deal out of 'occasions'.

I usually forget my DS and DiL's anniversary, then feel guilty when I remember later. Hopefully I'll remember when it is a significant milestone, but I do remember all their birthdays.

Try not to take it personally. If your AC don't normally mark these occasions they may not have realised the significance especially if you didn't talk about it beforehand.

I've always thought that anniversaries are for the couple. We've just celebrated 42 years and although I bought a card I didn't give it to DH as he hadn't got me one. DD did wish us happy anniversary but both DSs didn't but I'm not upset. We did go out for dinner, which DH had booked so all in all a good day

Congratulations! Your anniversary is special to you but to our children it’s just another day ,and as long as mum and dad are ok they just get on with their busy lives. 30 is just a number.

It all depends on how much your family usually celebrate events and how much this date was flagged up in advance as being special and worthy of remark.

We are not celebraters of minor anniversaries, and I would classify 30th as a minor anniversary, we did little or nothing until our 50th and then talked and planned celebrations for a year ahead of the event and DC had no excuse for not sending cards and flowers.

I expect nothing anymore so I don't get disappointed. I celebrate my children's wedding anniversaries and always will. Mine went unnoticed. I guess they are just for the couple to celebrate.

Exactly that!

I’m sorry you were disappointed on your anniversary and hope that the rawness has settled a bit now.
To be honest, I’ve never understood why people mark someone else’s anniversary, a big one maybe, but otherwise not. I regard them as a personal thing between the couple.

My wedding anniversary is for my husband and I to celebrate, not anyone else, imo. The kids still at home acknowledge it, simply because they see their dad and I saying happy anniversary and exchanging a gift or whatever.

I honestly can’t remember if my AC who’s living on their own mentioned it or not.

I remember my husband putting our wedding song on and dancing together in the living room, though.

Anon9, I hope this cheers you up: I will relate my husband's 30th wedding anniversary gift to me.....

30 years is a pearl anniversary so I secretly wondered if he would know and even act on that fact.

To prove that he did both, he gave me quite a heavy, beautifully wrapped parcel in which was ..... a bag of pearl barley.

He thought it uproariously funny, me rather less so!

Never mind your children, if you do better than I did, you have been successful!

Our DC remember birthdays, Mother & Father's days, Christmas etc. They also check in if one of us is ill or whatever. There is an annual event in our family which they all keep the date free for and make a big effort with.

But I don't think they are particularly aware of our wedding anniversary unless we do something in particular and it gets mentioned in passing. We don't send a card to the married one either. I

I never remembered my own wedding anniversary, marrying v quietly, neither did my DH and generally don’t remember dates.
This comes in handy, as I try not to remember ‘death days’ or other sad events.
Probably also stems from no one taking any notice of birthdays etc as a child.

It was only when my Mum and Dad got to big anniversaries like 40, 50, 60 etc that i realised what a big achievement it was so I always marked it in some way.

I will never forget their Diamond Wedding Party when I arranged a surprise party with relatives from abroad, neighbours, family. Etc. And the card from the Queen of course.

We wouldn't have expected our AC to remember our anniversary unless they had been invited to a party or slap-up meal! We couldn't afford to do anything for our 25th (children still expensive) but for 30th, 40th and 50th we did have parties.
My DM used to remind us in the early days!
Now, it's time for the AC to give 25th anniversary parties. One has done, the other might invite me (now widowed) to something I suppose, if I remind them.

Next Anniversary why not invite some friends to go out with you for a meal, day out, spa, infact anything you fancy.

I don’t expect my children to remember or mark our wedding anniversary at all. Why should they? They weren’t at our wedding, it’s an occasion special for me and DH but meaningless to anyone else, especially now our parents have died. Maybe when we hit our 40th or 50th we might have a family meal, but 30th isn’t a big one as far as I am concerned.
My children just about remember our birthdays but they are busy and have their own lives. Younger people don’t really send cards anymore, they mark friends birthdays with a post on Instagram or sending a text. It think Christmas cards will gradually die out over the next decade, and tbh I will find it a bit of a relief not to spend an afternoon writing cards to cousins I haven’t seen for years. I think they would struggle to understand anyone getting upset at not being sent an anniversary card.

Other people's anniversaries - are for them, not the rest of us. It's bad enough remembering birthdays, isn't it?

We've never celebrated wedding anniversaries so our children didn't realise some couples did. Our daughter and husband don't now, though our son's wife soon explained the correct procedure!

I don't think children expect to remember or celebrate Anniversary celebrations apart from 25th and 50th ones; sorry but I don't think a thirtieth anniversary is special except to you and your husband, and I hope you celebrated accordingly.

Doodledog

It's different strokes, I think. To me, anniversaries are for the couple to celebrate, not for other people to mark. Birthdays are different - I would be hurt if my children forgot mine - but all families are different.

That is how I see it too, that wedding anniversaries are something for the couple to remember and celebrate, and generally of little or no significance to anyone else unless they are specifically invited to celebrate the event with the couple.

In fact, I don't think for one minute that either of my adult children would even know the exact date of our anniversary if asked, in the same way that I have never remembered the date of my parents'.

Doodledog

It's different strokes, I think. To me, anniversaries are for the couple to celebrate, not for other people to mark. Birthdays are different - I would be hurt if my children forgot mine - but all families are different.

Totally agree. We exchange anniversary cards with 2 sets of friends but only because we played a part at their weddings. I don’t expect my son or others to remember or care.

Wedding anniversaries are for the couple not the children . My ac rarely remember our anniversary and certainly wouldn’t send a card which they do for birthdays , mothers / Father’s Day . I’d be more upset that my dh hadn’t organised something. It sounds like you were expecting your dh to plan something. We don’t do much for an ordinary anniversary, maybe a meal out , but plan something special for a big one .

Our girls don’t bother with our anniversaries. And to be honest we don’t much fuss ourselves. When it was our 35th (many years ago now) I remember we were in Spain and we were mooching around some shops on the marina and I bought myself a coral nail polish to honour the event!
🤣
Everyone is different. Some folk like a fuss or a celebration. x

I think if you are bothered about the "outward show" you should remind everyone who you want to be involved. Otherwise yes, don't expect anything.

My husband and I often forget - and only remember one of our children's wedding dates as it's the ssme date as a family birthday!
Remembering is a bonus here I'm afraid.

Last year we remembered late in the day and had an impromptu celebration by way of opening an expensive wine (one we'd bought on a whim and were "saving for a family occasion") and enjoyed it over dinner. ... and in front of the TV later till it was all gone!

Occasionally one of the children remembers - but only if there has been some sort of conversation about it (say) two days before.

We were in the vicinity of one of our daughters a few years ago on what was her anniversary - and (as we'd remembered it) we popped in to a local supermarket and bought a big bunch of flowers. When we dropped in with them she and her husband appeared at the door "oh hello, what's all this for?" They had no idea.

My husband has made a list as it was a nice thing to do - but of course we still have to consult it!
I don't think anyone else in the family has subsequently benefited from our largesse.

If it really bothers you I think you need to be the one organising. That way they will all know.

Good luck.

My mum used to say Wedding anniversary's are between the couple.