Lost loves. Should we say goodbye

Theexwife

Them being the love of your life does not mean you were the love of theirs, if you were maybe they would have contacted you.

Indeed.

Applies the old flames, estranged family - sister, parents, nieces, nephews, children and grandchildren - equally.

If you parted it was for a reason. I don’t believe in going back.

Them being the love of your life does not mean you were the love of theirs, if you were maybe they would have contacted you.

MagsMcG, I think it is a big deal that we can't find female friends because we don't know their married names.
I lost touch with a friend I used to work with in our 20s. I moved away, had babies, no time to keep in touch, feel regrets now.
Men can google old contacts, but if you marry and change your name, your old self disappears.

I would be careful about contacting anyone from a long time ago-people change. You could end up in an embarrasing situation.I would forget the past and enjoy what you have now.

I've lost touch with quite a few people I would have maybe wanted to have closure or say goodbye to. I don't even know if any of them are alive or not. Its a shame. I have tried to find them on some Social Media sites but the women may well be a different surname by now. I think I just have to live with the fact that they are lost permanently now. Not a particular big deal.

Most everyone has a story about “the one that got away.” I do. And I think about it (him) all the time. He was a catch for sure, and our courtship was a door opener for me in the finer things in life. I know he liked and loved me more than what I felt for him.

I instigated the breakup… (in hindsight for what?) to go back to a previous beau that turned out to be a rebound disaster! So there I was. Foolish at 30. But there was a happy ending.

It allowed me a more mature relationship in my next romantic endeavor and I ended up marrying him and the rest is lovely history.

To this day I “review” my personal journeys and see that everything boils down to only one thing for happiness - it’s all up to you in the choices you make. Women do have the power to further their own futures.
USA Gundy

Reading these posts makes me think we can be suited to many people, not just one. I know for some people there is only ever "the one". I've never felt like that and nobody has ever broken my heart. I always thought if someone didn't want me in return then what was the point? I'm very sorry though about the way I treated some people particularly one who took the relationship far more seriously than I did. I wasn't very nice to him and regret it. I can never make amends as he died young in his 40s.

.A first love in your teens may have been the one at the time but both will have changed through a life time of unshared experiences. An ex whose children you have may need to be a friendly with but remember they are ex's for a reason and not neccesarily relationship material. But the heart is a strange thing and we are all very different so would I ? Well I won't know that unless the opportunity arises and the other half might object so I guess I will have to bide my time !!

error

If you feel you need to revisit than go for it.
It's about your feeling - I know it sounds selfish.
We cannot anticipate how the other party feels about it but without contacting anyone you just don't know.
Though be prepared that the other person may not feel the same way and may not want to hear from you again. It's not personal, even if it may feel so, it's just that person is in a different mindset or different stage than you are.

You never know what goes on behind closed door of anyone’s marriage that’s what I think Romola, she obviously felt something wasn’t right in order to have an affair. The face you present to the world could be entirely different in reality, you did what you think is best. And what’s best for you is cutting her out of your life,

I had a female friend whom I actually cut out if my life when she decided to leave her husband (a truly good man, still a valued friend) and her children aged between 10 and 14. I think it was an affair of lust that got out of hand, from which she did move on. She has tried to get in touch over the years but I just feel that what she did was unforgivable.
What do others think?

Sometimes the past is better off staying in the past. Last year I met up with someone who was important years ago, and really wished I hadn’t. Some past loves I’ve kept in touch with but have no desire to meet. Be careful what you wish for, people move on and change. If they wanted to be in your life they would be. Be grateful for the life and people you have now.

My first love was my ex husband who turned out to be a vile husband and father. He turned up some years ago to apologise for what he did I was remarried by then. I listened to what he had to say buts that’s all. It was the past I was glad to see the back of him I will never forget the misery he caused.

Be careful.. I tried to get in touch with an ex (the one I left when I met the man I later married) but it didn't go well. He seemed to have gone a bit loopy and threatened me with legal action if I dared contact him again. (I'd only written a letter, fgs!)

More recently my husband was in touch (via a mutual coincidental friend on Facebook) with a woman he'd known in his teen years. He visited her when he was in LA earlier this year and of course they embarked on an affair which was mostly conducted via WhatsApp and then in real life when she came over to London. He says it's over but it's been devastating. Of course he loved feeling like a teenager again. I mean, who wouldn't? We're recovering (i think) but there's been massive damage to our marriage. So be warned!

In my early 20s I went to Morocco and fell in love with a very handsome young guy. He was like a filmstar and I was swept away. My friend also took up with a Moroccan whom she later married. My friend stayed married to her husband for many years and only divorced recently. For me it was never more than a holiday romance. Mixed marriages were not so accepted back then (1960s) and I would not have wished to be trapped into such a union with someone of an entirely different culture. A few years later he came over to UK and had taken up with a "friend of my friend". My feelings for him had changed. I also saw how he treated her and knew that I had a lucky escape. I occasionally wonder what became of him but I assume he married a woman of his own culture and religion and settled into the role his parents hoped for him.

I later married an English guy but the marriage did not last long. I am still friends with my ex husband (who no longer lives in UK) and have been out to Dubai several times to see him. He eventually found happiness with a third wife.

Looking back I should never have married anyone as I am too strong and selfish to compromise in a relationship. I have to be the boss.

Hm. I heard that the “love of my life” wasn’t well and thinking I could cheer him up, got into contact. I had no wish to re kindle romance just be friends. I’d never stopped caring about him. when we broke up, I realised we weren’t suited and I accepted the breakup without much angst. I thought about him often, with affection. But knew it was affection not love. Well when we did speak, it was to find out he’d forgotten me entirely. So humiliating!!!! He’d rewritten history. I’d snogged boys in the back row of the movies whom I remember! But the woman he told me was the only good thing in his life was pfft! I can laugh but it does hurt. We no longer speak.

I think one of the problems is that, towards the end of a relationship you stop communicating. For some reason, you can’t speak to the very person you have been closer to than anyone one else in the world. So it leaves a lot of unanswered questions.

say goodbye, the past is done! it ended for a reason,usually with pain for someone, why dig it up. Realationships have to be grieved.

I have recently been to two funerals that involved exes. One of them was for the mother of the first long standing boyfriend. She was a lovely lady who I would bump into on many occasions whilst my youngest was at school with her grandchildren. My ex was married 3 times and she always used to say she wishes we'd stayed together. Every so often, over the years, the ex and I would meet up for an evening of catching up and although I knew he was still hoping for a reconciliation, I had long since realised that breaking up with him was the best thing I could have done for him.
Another ex died recently. He was the most lovely man but his dependence on alcohol was obvious to me even when we were young. He married an acquaintance of mine who wasn't very keen on me to start with as he used to wax lyrical in his cups about me when they first met. However, after a couple of times of bumping into each other, we became friends because we actually had much in common. I went to his funeral to support her but it was also nice to say goodbye to him too.

Bugbabe2019

No leave it in the past
It’s a selfish act and will rarely have the desired outcome

Couldn't agree more.

No leave it in the past
It’s a selfish act and will rarely have the desired outcome

I think I'd forget getting in contact. You might not like what you find. People change in life and it could become an embarrasment.
Leave the past where it is.

The first “love of my life” was when I was 11 and we parted because my family emigrated. For most of my life on many occasion, even though I have a wonderful husband and an amazing life, I have wondered, what if.
When social media came along I made half hearted attempts to find him with no success, then one day out of the blue his wife contacted me. He had spoken of me to her. We made contact he and I and talked. It was nice, but it was only one conversation and it did not vanquish the what ifs.
I think it will always be difficult to let go of certain parts of our past and saying goodbye may prove more difficult than we imagine.