Help with a difficult situation for my son in law

Ilovecheese

He has another child that exists now though, so his first child is no longer his primary obligation. I don't mean that she matters less than the little boy, just that he has to consider both his children equally.
Good suggestions about sixth form college if he can hang on until then.

I don’t think the law sees it like that. Ilovecheese.

I don’t think a hardship bursary would be available to someone that had savings they can dip into.

I don’t think OP has 2 grandsons. The teenager is her son-in-law’s child by his first wife, so technically it’s not OP’s grandson.

I got muddled up with that too.

Very sorry

Apologies - the child is a boy!!

eazybee

I notice you your son has a child with his first wife, and a lovely grandson by his second.

Do you not have two grandsons?
Are you not concerned about the circumstances of the first grandson?
Your son was foolish to agree to such a large settlement and I am surprised the judge allowed it. There may well be other issues involved he is not telling you.

The older child (a girl) is the son-in-law's child by his first wife, so a step-granddaughter.

I hope this child is able to have a relationship with her half-sibling, GranmaP's grandchild.

ronib

Does the private school in question have any provision for helping with a bursary or some type of scholarship in time of unexpected hardship? Or can ex wife find a way to help maybe with the support of her own parents?

Good idea.

Our son has been required by the court to make substantial spousal payments for a set number of years in recognition of his alleged greater earning power. This amount is fixed, cannot be reduced no matter the financial change he may experience, unlike the payment for children which is variable according to earnings. Sounds very similar. We find it bemusing.

I have no advice other than immediate legal support is needed. I do understand how worrying and stressful this situation can be granmap, hard though it is while you can be a sounding board for your daughter and son in law they will have to decide and agree on a way through. I hope that happens soon.

I notice you your son has a child with his first wife, and a lovely grandson by his second.

Do you not have two grandsons?
Are you not concerned about the circumstances of the first grandson?
Your son was foolish to agree to such a large settlement and I am surprised the judge allowed it. There may well be other issues involved he is not telling you.

Perhaps your SiL could approach the daughters school and see if they could offer a Bursary which would ease the financial situation for GCSE year then she could move somewhere else for A level. Thinking of you as it's a difficult time for you all.

Pulling his 15 year old child out of Private school half way through his GCSE course seems very unfair to the child - he may not be able to find a state school that does the same combination of subjects and/or exam boards so that the child may effectively loose a year of school and have to start GCSEs again.

However he could make clear to his ex that he can only afford private fees until GCSEs and that they will need to look into state options for 6th form.

The other issue is whether he is really in financial difficulty? If he is then it would perhaps be possible to apply for a hardship bursary from the school - however they will go through all of the income and expenditures with a fine toothcomb.

Sorry! Son in law, not son.

Visgir1

Agree re look non paying 6th form collage after the child's GCSEs.

I don't understand why he's paying so much for his ex wife? I always thought it was Child support not Ex wife support.
All the Ex Wives I know only get that, and have to work.

I agree. When I divorced, I had two children aged 3 and 8. I worked full-time. I didn't claim anything for myself, but I claimed maintenance for the children. Initially, my ex refused to pay me anything, so I was forced to go to the (then) CSA. The children stayed with him two nights a week, so the amount was reduced slightly. From memory, it was about 20% of his net income, which was the maximum they could award. A couple of years later I was ill and had to give up work for a while. The CSA couldn't increase the amount and said I'd have to claim benefits. When my ex gave up paid work and became self-employed, it was more difficult to prove his income. He claimed that he was earning almost nothing, so the maintenance was cut to a few pounds a month. The CSA was quick to act to cut the payments.

I realise the CSA no longer operates, but I wanted to give you an indication of how much was payable. I don't understand why your son should need to pay any more.

Your daughter and sil need a good lawyer

Does the private school in question have any provision for helping with a bursary or some type of scholarship in time of unexpected hardship? Or can ex wife find a way to help maybe with the support of her own parents?

Agree re look non paying 6th form collage after the child's GCSEs.

I don't understand why he's paying so much for his ex wife? I always thought it was Child support not Ex wife support.
All the Ex Wives I know only get that, and have to work.

He has another child that exists now though, so his first child is no longer his primary obligation. I don't mean that she matters less than the little boy, just that he has to consider both his children equally.
Good suggestions about sixth form college if he can hang on until then.

How can I help her?
Does your DD work, GranmaP? Are you near enough to help with childcare?

I think he should carry on paying the school fees until the child is 16, if he can, but sixth form college could be a good option after that. Can he discuss it with his ex-wife or even chat to his daughter about her intentions after 16?

As for the 50% maintenance as well - surely the ex-wife can get a job and pay her share of her child's expenses?

Lots of private school pupils move on to Comprehensives or Sixth Form Colleges because the curriculum is do much better, more variety and more specialists.

But I don’t agree that his first child should be disadvantaged in what is best for her, if to stay at her school is best. Why should her education be disrupted because he has chosen to have a second family. That was not her decision.

If he is in this dire situation then he and his ex should get their heads together and take the 15 year old out of private school - he,/ she will probably do just as well in a local comprehensive school. Easier said than done I recognize that !

I was the first wife once Granmap I didn’t ask for maintenance for me, but it was originally granted for my children. When my ex husband applied to reduce that as his second wife was pregnant it was refused as according to the judge, his primary obligation was to his existing children.

Poppyred

I can understand your worry and concern but don’t think there’s anything you can do to be honest. The wheels of justice turn very slowly unfortunately.

In the meantime maybe he should stop the payments if they are unaffordable.

That’s the last thing he should do.

It is a difficult situation, he has a son and an ex wife, in my basic knowledge of these things the Justice system will put them above his current partner and child.

One way quick way of savings would be to stop paying private schools fees and let his daughter to a local public school. You stat he i oing that by his own choice, so would not require any legal settlement just to stop it. If her Mum wishes for her to continue at that school, then she would need to pick up this tab. BUT......I would say this whole is very much one that really needs discussion and agreement between your daughter and her husband.

I tend to agree with Poppyred but rather than stopping payments, adjust them to what he can afford until the matter is finalised in court.

Maybe he could deduct the school fees he's paying which are not part of the original maintenance order.