Inadvertently upsetting someone

OP, that does sound like typical mansplaining, which is annoying; asking a question and then answering it also.

Whatever you do or say - there's always somebody just waiting to be upset or insulted. Then you simply apologise and move on.

I'm thinking of a person who married into our family. She's been upset on several occasions - due to other's perfectly harmless remarks or questions - as she's just very insecure.

ElaineI

I think he should have waited for her reply so yes that was rude. She was also rude for the way she spoke to him though it could partly be the language barrier. He did apologise though. DH was a teacher and talks all the time. I start a conversation and he takes it over so I tend to keep quiet.

oh! ElaineI how tiresome of him. You are not alone though🙄

I'm always fascinated by accents and often ask people where they come from .
Usually , they are only too happy to tell me , but occasionally it causes offence .

I don't mind if people ask me where I come from as I don't look typically English .

Possibly, it's the way I dress (I'm fond of ethnic clothes) or my eye make up (I like using kohl) or the way that I speak - very clearly as I used to teach English as a foreign language .

I think he should have waited for her reply so yes that was rude. She was also rude for the way she spoke to him though it could partly be the language barrier. He did apologise though. DH was a teacher and talks all the time. I start a conversation and he takes it over so I tend to keep quiet.

We had an experience about 35 years ago when I wished someone had asked us where we were from. We were holidaying in a remote part of Corfu and went to the bakery where we were told there was no bread left and no one would serve us. When we told our host about this he found out that because our children were very blond they thought we were German and anti German feeling was very strong even then . If only they had asked where we were from!

Whoops CrazyH I remember my ex asking a lady when her baby was due and she’d already had it 🤔
I think you’re husband was being intrusive to presume he knew the answer before she had a chance to give it and yes some of the Eastern European countries wouldn’t get on and it may well seem an insult

Can’t be worse than me asking a bank teller , when the baby was due - she wasn’t pregnant 😫

I picked up on the fact that your DH is an ex language teacher. I used to be a speaking examiner for foreign students and the first question we asked was “where are you from?”.A very natural conversation starter and an interesting one too and is the sort of question a foreigner generally likes. Nothing wrong with it at all.

I might ask where someone was from if they were obviously from another country, but I would never assume their nationality. Feelings run high for all sorts of reasons and there are probably historic reasons why no Albanian should be offended to be considered Romanian. As a Scot, I don't appreciate it when someone assumes I'm English. Or is that too trivial?

Interesting comments thank you, particularly from Eddiecat 78!

When he was younger one of my grandsons went to a school where they were mostly Greek students. When he started they tricked him and got him to ask one of the teachers if he was Macedonian. He got a detention straight off. Some of these things run deep.

I have a friend who does exactly what your husband does; he likes to ask foreign people where they are from because he loves languages, and is proud of the two words of Romanian(?) that he knows and tries to use! Most waiters are happy to talk about their homeland and pleased that people are interested; the last waitress was from Ukraine, and she talked for a long time and it was very illuminating.

My OH worked at a plant nursery - the Albania agency staff had to be kept away from the Romanians!

It was a bit mean not to leave a tip if she'd done her job well (which I don't know because that wasn't mentioned in the OP) It doesn't show much regret for upsetting her

She’s in the wrong job if she is so full of self importance customers have to think before they speak. Tips are not just left for service but attitude as well.

Regret? You must be joking. She needs to grow another skin.

She took their order and brought the food. Tips are for service above and beyond the basics. Her abrupt manner probably leads to fewer tips than other staff might get.

I think it's a bit impolite to answer your own question before the person you asked it of has had a chance to reply.

I think the lack of 'manners' was about even on both sides.

It was a bit mean not to leave a tip if she'd done her job well (which I don't know because that wasn't mentioned in the OP) It doesn't show much regret for upsetting her.

As for chatty husbands i don’t think mine has ever instigated a conversation with anyone in all the years I have known him .

I think her response was rude but I wonder if her reaction was due to someone being unkind or rude to her...not that two wrongs make a right!

No harm in asking, but should have let her answer first.

I think he shouldn’t have asked the second question, but nor should the waitress have spoken rudely to him.

I’ve traveled in Romania a lot, but only spent a week in Albania.
If you are interested in languages they do have a similarity.

It wasnt rude to ask but was a bit clumsy to assume. A slip he probably won’t repeat.
I like to chat and often ask too as am interested where people come from. No one has seemed upset by it.
As for Albania it was noticeable they were not liked in the Greek islands years ago, but that was in their isolation years. The name of the dictator….is on the tip of my tongue.

What your DH said was perfectly harmless. She was definitely in the wrong.
Why do so many people take offence for nothing these days?

LOL we DIDNT leave a tip!