Why do young non-grandparents frequent Gransnet?

I also look at mumsnet. Any time I post there I seem to put my foot in it! They are an intolerant bunch.

I look at mumsnet but find them quite often very judgemental and unpleasant. Not all the time but enough that I rarely post there ,just read stuff. Gransnet ,mostly, is more balanced and you get some good advice and practical tips. Sure, there are one or two who give me the irrits but that’s life and most of those ones are obviously just stirrers who need something/ someone to stir. Safer than real life I suppose.

There just seems to be much more of it lately.

There really is. Everything seems to be seen in terms of either/or - if pensions rise it means that benefits can't. If older people get free TV licences it means that childcare costs can't be subsidised and so on.

That is nonsense, but is the message pushed by the government all the time. I've been watching the awful Jeremy Vine, who is a case in point. He goes on (and on and on) about so-called 'Boomers', and is at extreme pains to point out that he is a few years shy of being one himself, as though the five years or so that lifts him out of the grouping is more important than the 20 years that it includes. Today's topic was whether benefits should be triple locked 'to keep them in line with pensions'. Why not just ask the question about benefits? Why does the fact that pensions are triple locked matter in that context? Maybe benefits need to be quadruple locked, or doubled, or only given to people who act as servants to pensioners (). What happens to pensions is separate and has no bearing, but is always linked as though pensions are taking away from younger people.

The utter contempt for pensioners who dare to have bought a house, and made extra provision for retirement is horrible. It is undeniable that there is a housing crisis, and that many young people are struggling to afford to either rent or buy. But why does that have to be set against the fact that some pensioners (albeit largely those in the SE) have made significant profits on their homes? Maybe geographical inequality needs to be levelled out, maybe there should be allowances for young people to help them? Maybe there should be tax advantages to encourage people (of any age) to downsize and free up family houses? Or housing allowances given to people moving from North to South? There are all sorts of possible solutions, but the issue is always presented as being the fault of older people who are just living in the homes they paid for. I don't understand how young people paying mortgages can resent older people who did exactly what they are doing, but have come out the other side with a house that is paid for. It makes no sense, but the resentment is encouraged.

Some of the agism is just nasty - horrible comments about older women looking 'frumpy', or 'mutton dressed as lamb' or about 'old-lady style'. Of course young people don't want to dress like their grandmothers (and vice versa ) but that doesn't mean that older women can't be stylish in their own right.

I don't remember this sort of thing when I was young, but maybe I just notice it more now that I'm not?

Katie59

I’m sure some do it to get an alternative perspective, the interaction is much less combative and direct compared to Mumsnet, yet the issues are very similar.

I am not on there very often, so you may be right.
But I find that the things on there are often " my life 30 years ago" type things.

baby things, school things, mil things etc. DH doing whatever.
Which is all fine.
But I think that is what my DDs and Dils are , stage of life.

I 'm not a gran yet but live in hope. I'm 65 and hope I'm welcome on GN.

mumofmadboys

I 'm not a gran yet but live in hope. I'm 65 and hope I'm welcome on GN.

Me neither, I live in hope too. I think there are lots of us who aren’t grandparents yet, and some who never will be, but are in the over 50s category. There are less under 50s,, but I like them being here, it all adds variety, and if they have similar interests it’s a good place to come.

All the above reasons, and it can add a bit of interest to the site, but there was at least one occasion when a couple of bored Mumsnetters came over here just to do a bit of stirring, to wind the old biddies up. I saw the thread on Mumsnet egging them on, and chortling at the GN answers. But that hasn’t happened for a few years to my knowledge, thank goodness.

I do really like Mumsnet, though. The threads move so quickly there is rarely time for personal animosity, and there are some very knowledgeable and quick-witted posters on there. There is ageism of course - just today one poster stated bluntly that all elderly white people are racist. Other Mumsnetters jumped on the post though, and it was quickly deleted.

I don't remember this sort of thing when I was young, but maybe I just notice it more now that I'm not?
There wasn't, there was more tolerance and generosity of spirit for older people then.

Not the impatience that is around today that is evident even on Gransnet for someone (whether old or slower for whatever reason) taking a bit of time at the checkout, resentment that apparently we had it better than they have it now (really?) and derision at those whose looks may have faded or whose style is not the same as their daughters or granddaughters.

just today one poster stated bluntly that all elderly white people are racist
Even those married to someone of a different race?
😂

Feeling curious, looking for advice, hoping for support, and stirring the pot seem to be the main reasons - the very same ones that Gransnetters seem to have for checking out posts and threads on here, especially those that can have varying POVs expressed - politics, estrangement, gender identity - to name but a few.

Hmm, I am not a gran yet and a couple of years off 50 but most of my friends are grans and so I feel comfortable here

eddiecat78, All should be welcome - and, let's not forget, we can be absolutely anyone on a forum. I could be young, single, childless and male - just pretending to be a granny. The rest of you would never know.

In light of that, the question seems irrelevant.

It us good to see different attitudes, we have a lot to learn from each other.

Chat sites are pretty much open to all unless, like some groups
on Facebook, they are private and zero tolerance from moderators. I guess some people are genuinely interested in other points of view but some just lurk as on FB.

I never think about ages.
I can't guess at the ages of people on here.

It's nice that it really doesn't matter.

Because I got chucked off mumsnet!

How on earth do you manage to get kicked off Mumsnet lol?

Seems quite a robust, say it to your face space from what I have seen

Over 60 but not a granny yet! I was originally looking for menopause advice before it became trendy to be menopausal!

Sorry if someone else has said this but GransNet is owned (I think) by Mumsnet and perhaps people on one link to the other?

I think a lot of people use both, LPB.

• For the perspective we have about living a full life
• For wisdom they haven’t fully acquired yet that come from lessons learned
• From those lessons learned, the ability to know how to control emotions in certain situations

That said…

I still have to remind myself we live on the very tail end of the Victorian Era, a time when social norms, patriarchy and stricter morals ruled. There are still some seniors who are living in that vacuum. I see it here, IDK about over there. If any young person is navigating a tough emotional situation with a senior - not everyone from that era has evolved yet. Be respectful, have some empathy. Gen Z, millennials will end up doing what they want anyway - after consulting the sounding board.
USA Gundy

The few whose posts I have read and who have stated they are not grandparents were quite openly asking advice of our age group,

Either in an effort to understand their own parents, or their children's grandparents or simply because they belong to an endagered spieces - of those who realise that with the years comes experience and perhaps wisdom as well.

I find it heartening to know that our experence of life can be useful to younger generations, so to me they are heartily welcome.

I am nearly 59 (still can’t quite believe it) and not yet a grandma but l hope I may be one day. I enjoy mumsnet and most people there are kind and well-meaning, as they are here, but some things there make me quite cross. The first is the terrible language used by so many posters - completely unnecessary. Also, some people there are extremely entitled. The biggest thing for me, though, is the rampant ageism there. I was born in December 1964 so am at the end of the boomers and on the cusp of generation x. However, the ageism seems to be aimed at everyone over the age of 50 and boomers seems to almost be another swear word. Apparently, we all have gold-plated pensions and live in large houses that we bought for peanuts and are now worth millions. We are selfish because we have used so many resources. What they forget is the disparities in our age groups. The oldest boomers, born in the forties, grew up in austerity and remember rationing. The youngest of us, born in the sixties, did have an easier time of it as times were more prosperous. I, personally, benefited from higher education grants, for example. However, 1964 was the year that the most babies were born since the end of the Second World War. New schools were being built but they were not big enough so “temporary” classrooms were continually being added on. 35 was a small class. By the eighties, when we were leaving school, there was a time of high unemployment. I was fortunate because I was one of the 10% who went on to higher education. In the nineties, many people had negative equity on their mortgages and repossessions were at an all-time high. This is rarely acknowledged on mumsnet except by us “oldies.”
I hope that most of us are tolerant to the very elderly. When I am behind an elderly lady who is fumbling with her purse l remind myself that this could well be me in twenty or thirty years’ time and hope that someone will be patient with me.

I withdrew from Mumsnet and all other forums where the majority of participants were young people. Gave up trying to "mix" after being told by young people where I live that all the houses nearby were meant for young people and families. In other words, move. I have lived here longer than most, some residents will be in 40/50s. Wonder if they will move in 10/15 years time when they too are regarded as old by their currentt standards. Sign of the times I'm afraid older people just not welcome other than for cheap or free childminding of course!

4allweknow

I withdrew from Mumsnet and all other forums where the majority of participants were young people. Gave up trying to "mix" after being told by young people where I live that all the houses nearby were meant for young people and families. In other words, move. I have lived here longer than most, some residents will be in 40/50s. Wonder if they will move in 10/15 years time when they too are regarded as old by their currentt standards. Sign of the times I'm afraid older people just not welcome other than for cheap or free childminding of course!

I'd ask them to find me somewhere suitable to move to.

Anyway, our family come home to stay for visits, it wouldn't be possible if we downsized to what Mumsnetters might consider suitable for two old codgers.