DS and DiL "babying" 3yo GD

imaround

@amy71452 - I agree on not just doing it. But if you feel your relationship is such that you can bring it up, ask them to purchase a toilet for your house. That way, you aren't stepping on toes or taking away any firsts. If they say no, they say no and you move on.

I wish I had some of you to potty train my children. It was my least favorite parent thing to do.

Haha I love helping them hit goals. I'm happy to go to them with anything, but will make sure I word it such that I'm not taking it off them. Relationship is good with DiL as well. I have brought up the dummy before but they said words mirrored in this chat that she'll not go to school with it, so didn't take over

Oh if its day nursery they wont worry. I know they cant refuse Callistemon but I can tell you the range of strategies I have seen from school nurseries this week, suggesting reduction to part time place, parents have to come in to change nappies etc.

@amy71452 - I agree on not just doing it. But if you feel your relationship is such that you can bring it up, ask them to purchase a toilet for your house. That way, you aren't stepping on toes or taking away any firsts. If they say no, they say no and you move on.

I wish I had some of you to potty train my children. It was my least favorite parent thing to do.

Callistemon21

^Early potty trading was frowned on even then, and he’s in his twenties now, because it causes many children anxiety around using the toilet^

Yes, this is the reason.

Summer is the best time too.

Would then current advice say they should wait until she turns 4 then?!

Yep she's not in a nursery attached to the school, I was hoping her moving up a room would help her see others using the toilet but it sounds like she'll not be the only one.

imaround

Callistemon21 - the thumb sucker was the bane of my existence. 4 years we fought over her sucking her thumb. I would prefer a dummy any day over a thumb. So much easier to stop the behavior IMO.

I had a friend who still sucked her thumb when she was an adult (and a Mum herself.)

Early potty trading was frowned on even then, and he’s in his twenties now, because it causes many children anxiety around using the toilet

Yes, this is the reason.

Summer is the best time too.

imaround

*I meant here in the US, kids don't start school until age 5.

To the OP: can you take some of the advice you have received here: i.e. changing in the bathroom and the idea that you would like them to buy you a potty just to have around so she gets used to it being around? Take Galaxy's advice and mention that you heard it is good to just get her used to the tools and start there?

If not, you must wait for the parents to initiate it.

I'm going to change in the bathroom and talk about the toilet definitely. I'll not buy a potty as that feels like pushing the agenda which I've been advised not to (correctly) I would quite like to buy pull ups so we can practice pulling up and down, but again I want it to be their success instead on "nana did this"

Callistemon21 - the thumb sucker was the bane of my existence. 4 years we fought over her sucking her thumb. I would prefer a dummy any day over a thumb. So much easier to stop the behavior IMO.

Galaxy

Children can start school nursery in the term after their third birthday.

Well, they can as I mentioned earlier, but it's not compulsory.

And nurseries cannot refuse to allow a child to attend any more just because they are not potty trained. It changed with an Act of Parliament years ago.

*I meant here in the US, kids don't start school until age 5.

To the OP: can you take some of the advice you have received here: i.e. changing in the bathroom and the idea that you would like them to buy you a potty just to have around so she gets used to it being around? Take Galaxy's advice and mention that you heard it is good to just get her used to the tools and start there?

If not, you must wait for the parents to initiate it.

With my oldest, we had watched a TV cartoon where the main character had twin brothers. We decided to "mail" them to the new babies so they could use them. Worked like a charm, but she was age 3.

DGS had a little drawstring bag which the dummies went into so that the fairies could collect them for their babies🙂

www.childcare.co.uk/information/how-to-ditch-the-dummy
There are several books for children on giving up dummies.

However, it's not Granny's decision to make.

Galaxy

It is a term they are moving away from in the UK iamround, its partly due to the fact that some children (with additional needs) may never indicate readiness in the traditional sense. So it's about gradually getting familiar with the potty/toilet with no pressure.

Ok, so we are speaking different countries. I wondered if that was the case.

Kids don't typically start school until age 5. Preschool can start at age 3 but kids, unless they are neurodivergent, they have to be potty trained for that.

So even in the US, kids are trained before age 3, IF they are ready. If not, they have to wait until the next semester or year until they are.

The point here is, the parents are not wanting to rush it. Op needs to follow the parents lead on this.

Yep they're definitely built for comfort, I've changed them when almost hanging off from a longer car journey and there's no moisture on her skin at all

Children can start school nursery in the term after their third birthday.

Romola

Modern dispoable nappies - is it not the case that they absorb pee in such a way as to make the surface near the child's skin feel dry? Therefore children don't actually feel wet after a pee.

Yes, I mentioned that above so there's no incentive for them to want to use potty.

Thanks imaround, both of minehad no issues training at 2 but I can see the professional advice all says she's not ready yet, she's not got many of the signs with me yet

It is a term they are moving away from in the UK iamround, its partly due to the fact that some children (with additional needs) may never indicate readiness in the traditional sense. So it's about gradually getting familiar with the potty/toilet with no pressure.

Helenlouise3

Whilst I agree parenting should be left to the parents, I would definitely use distraction tactics as far as the dummy's concerned. It surprises me that she's still in nappies at aged 3. In Wales children start school at 3 1/2 and are expected to be potty trained. Many years ago children had to be dry before going to nursery school aged 2 1/2.

In Wales children start school at 3 1/2 and are expected to be potty trained
Has that changed recently?

I thought they generally started at 4 - it might be just be 4+a couple of days, but not at 3½?
It is not actually compulsory to start school until they are 5.

The other thing is - there are not piles of terry towelling nappies to wash and dry either!

Modern dispoable nappies - is it not the case that they absorb pee in such a way as to make the surface near the child's skin feel dry? Therefore children don't actually feel wet after a pee.

I couldn’t bear a child to be in a nappy after 12/14 months and
I d have that dummy gone too BUT can’t alter the fact that it’s not for you to decide and only the parents can
Thankfully all my kids thought like me and nappies and dummies went quite early and as my grandkids are all in the late teens twenties it doesn’t seem to have harmed them in any way 🤣

Yes lots of people do that, dont worry about it but it's a good idea to change in toilet area if you can, I know some bathrooms might not be ideal for this.
I too think you have to leave it to the parents but there is lots of concern being expressed by early years staff at the moment (so you are not alone) and certainly the school staff are intervening (in a supportive way).

they are the parents, not you.
you shouldn't be involving yourself in any of this.
it's not helping them to insinuate that you know better how to bring up their own child.
you need to respect their position,
and know yours.

Galaxy. are you responding to me? If so, in the US we are told to wait until the child is ready. and that is often near age 3.

If the OP's granddaughter is not feeling wetness, she isnt ready.

Here is a guide from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/default.aspx

I cant even with that post gradetaunt. Because she is not potty trained at age 3 she will be a drain on society?

OP: please follow the parents instructions. They are good parents so they will have consulted their doctor on the best approach on readiness of potty training.

I do agree with you on the dummy. I would distract her as much as you can with that. Out of sight, out of mind. Just be sure to give when she needs comfort at first.

With my oldest, we had watched a TV cartoon where the main character had twin brothers. We decided to "mail" them to the new babies so they could use them. Worked like a charm, but she was age 3.

My youngest was a thumb sucker and that is much more difficult. I did everything I could until, at age 7 I made a fabric thumb guard for her to wear at night while sleeping.

Neither of my kids needed dental works for it.

To add to the reason I posted this, I think some of it was my insecurity I love GD to bits but felt a little embarrassed when I had to take her out and buy some of the largest nappies available when doing a little food stop. I know now it won't bother her and in the end that's what matters