Lack of motivation

Thank you for reply, its good to know that I not alone in this. I have been looking at trying to find something that I can join . I am happy to do voluntary jobs or social groups . Having moved into quite a small village there doesn't seem so far to be much around but I haven't given up . I think part of my problem is that my working life was a very social industry and although I don't miss the work I miss the contact with people.
As silly as it may sound I have recently lost a lot of my hearing and struggle being amongst large groups of people if the acoustic aren't good so I feel that restricts me a bit as I find it embarrassing if I keep having to say "parden"
All excuses I know!
I am finding myself wanting to move back 'home' where I have a few but very good friends but unfortunately financially this isn't possible. Finances were the main reason for the move in the first place.

Gangan2

I am wondering if other people who live alone find they are feeling the same?
Recently retired after working all my life and have also moved to a completely new area . Was kept very busy decorating etc the house , the majority of which now completed.
My problem now is that I am struggling mentally with the dark and constant bad weather and feeling really down . I take my dog out twice a day which is a god send but I can't find the motivation to get myself out to do anything else . I know I should and tell myself regularly to 'buck-up' but I then find reasons not to ! Totally ridiculous I know. I think I got into this mind set a bit during lockdown ( I had to be extra careful due to health issues) but I can't shake myself out of it .
I have never been like this before, and wondering if anyone else has experienced similar feelings?
There is a danger of watching too much daytime TV and imaging every pain is far worse than it probably is ! Feel free to tell me to get a grip lol I know compared to many I am lucky in many respect.

Gangan... you've had two major life changes after lockdown.. it would be surprising ifyou didn't feel a bit low. When I moved before lockdown in a similar situation I had to make a completely new social life as I'd left all my old friends 200 miles away.. I did this gradually through art activities and it has been quite a lonely and slow process but I do enjoy the art. Do you have any friends or family in your new area? Do you have activities you can do outside the house and feel safe re your health.. eg a walking group.. I always feel better if I force myself to actually attend events as of course it is so much easier when living alone to simply stay at home.. Even just chatting to fellow dog walkers might help.. or talk to your GP if you are worried but try to have human contact if poss..

There are a few points I would mention. Personally I am quite a Jeckyl and Hyde person. So I can have a day where I sit in a mess and dont care a fig about it, and another day hurtle around doing clearing up and shopping etc etc. BUT part of this is because I have a very bad back, which not only gives me a lot of pain but means there are things that I cannot do on bad days. So I have had to learn to live with it and notget frustrated about it. That gives me a sort of structure as I now have to both shrug my shoulders and ignore stuff on bad days but it also gives me the impetus to do things when I am able to do so. That way I can have a mental note in my head of "When I next have a good day I will do X" I am a widow and live alone , which doesnt have a lot to recommend it but I can leave things as they are to suit me and not have to clear things up all the time. At this time of year I also definintely use the "Its Autumn, make the most of the good days " So if the day is dry and even sunny everything indoors can be abandoned to the pleasure of getting out whether walking or in the car to enjoy the wonderful colours etc. I also encourage myself by having bought an annual ticket to the swimming baths. swimming is something that allows me to exercise in a less painful way, and I am always pleased when I go. so that is helped by my yorkshire attitude - on miserable mornings or just having a poor day tempted to not go. But of course I have paid for it, so that can tip the scales, and am always glad I have made the effort added to which it is cheering when I do an extra swim (for nowt!) So on another more serious point I would just say look around and see if there are places you wanted to visit,things that you have looked at but never tried etc and think about trying one or two. Simply we do not know how life will go. Not trying to be scaring but my lovely husband who was doing all sorts of things and driving for hospital car etc etc then suddenly had a brain aneurysm. Thankfully he survived it but of course it altered many things. I have to think what I can do now with my back etc etc so am very glad that I travelled the world, lived abroad went sailing etc etc. I may not be able to do any of them now but have great memories and made many friends from these times, which cheer me on bad days. I would far rather say I tried that but didnt like it than never having a go and wishing I could. Never had the opportunity to go ski ing or tobogganing in my life. well not the end of the world but when I have seen them going in artic areas with the dog sledges wish I could have had a go at that! I have a very good friend , who is very similar to yourself and is very happy staying at home. If the weather is lovely I will think shall we go to the coast or up the dales etc. I ring and ask her if she wants to come and we are both happy like this as she feels ok to say no and I am happy to ask her and accept her reply. We have good times together, whether just having coffee together or doing something but we are as different as chalk and cheese . So what ? there is no prize for being a clone. It is our individual ways of life that make up interesting. If we are doing no harm to others and try to be helpful where possible, I think we have every right to live our lives the way we choose to do so and not feel the slightest bit guilty. After all I expect the majority of us have spent large parts of our lives providing for others and doing our share. In fact looking at most women of my age, I would say we have done more than our share, bringing up families etc and now with the cost of living etc often working longer or being the childcare for the next generation or looking after parents ourselves so just have a little check mentally to see if there is something that you really want to do and dont leave it until "the future" the future is now!! Give something a try and then settle back and enjoy what you already have. Good luck with everything.

I am wondering if other people who live alone find they are feeling the same?
Recently retired after working all my life and have also moved to a completely new area . Was kept very busy decorating etc the house , the majority of which now completed.
My problem now is that I am struggling mentally with the dark and constant bad weather and feeling really down . I take my dog out twice a day which is a god send but I can't find the motivation to get myself out to do anything else . I know I should and tell myself regularly to 'buck-up' but I then find reasons not to ! Totally ridiculous I know. I think I got into this mind set a bit during lockdown ( I had to be extra careful due to health issues) but I can't shake myself out of it .
I have never been like this before, and wondering if anyone else has experienced similar feelings?
There is a danger of watching too much daytime TV and imaging every pain is far worse than it probably is ! Feel free to tell me to get a grip lol I know compared to many I am lucky in many respect.

dizzygran

sounds too complacent. Be grateful for good health if you have it - but protect it. Take care of yourself. Get out in the fresh air - walk or do some exercise at home - stairs are good. No one else can do it for you. Check your BP , etc. You only get one life - make the most of it - Small steps maybe - but don't have regrets.

I do force myself to have a walk most days. I generally have good health and the GP always says my BP is excellent so I do know I am very fortunate.

I love snuggling up with a good book but since losing DH I would go stir crazy if I didn't get out and about. I used to be able to go for months without going out apart from work but in those days DH would be home every weekend, my son was still at home and I saw my lovely Dad every day. Now son has married and has his own home and darling husband and Dad have gone I don't enjoy being on my so much. Poor health prevented me getting out socially until I had an op in June which means I am no longer in pain and far more able to go out. Luckily I have a stress free part time job which I love and can drive so I try to do something every week. This coming weeknI am dog sitting and have arranged to meet best friend and take dog for a walk. Yesterday I had lunch with her and laughed so much we were in tears.

sounds too complacent. Be grateful for good health if you have it - but protect it. Take care of yourself. Get out in the fresh air - walk or do some exercise at home - stairs are good. No one else can do it for you. Check your BP , etc. You only get one life - make the most of it - Small steps maybe - but don't have regrets.

I definitely lack motivation. I used to be so busy working and then gave up to care for my Mum for 14 years and then she was in a care home for 3 years but I visited her every other day, took her out, had lunch with her etc.

I used to crochet, knit, go to aquarobics, go on walks with a group, meet up with friends, go to the cinema, walked, rode my bike for miles and now I just can’t be bothered.

I have just made a Cottage Pie for tea but had to force myself to get up and do it. If I was here by myself I honestly wouldn’t bother.

My happy place is on my sofa with a good book. Sad but true!

Perhaps you need to ease up on yourself and just for now enjoy the things you like. If,like most of us, you have had a busy life,
now is the time to relax.
It's the relaxation that allows the mind to find out what you would really like to be doing. It doesn't have to be anything amazing. Just what makes you happy. All the best.

Theexwife

Why should you be doing more? Do whatever makes you happy.

this absolutely. So long as it doesn't affect your health!

I have done nothing much today and I know it has not done me any good. I have had quite a lot on this past week, met new people and old friends, been here and there, but I have a home based weekend. I was expecting my son, or so I thought, so I did not like to go out, though it would have been a good day for a walk, and now it is too late. Normally I would have got stuck in to housework but I am limited by an injury. The house is a tip, which makes me uneasy.
I am trying to decide whether to resume my voluntary work, but I am actually thinking of not going back, doing different things instead, maybe. Perhaps my week was almost too structured. In any case, once my injury is better, I have a lot to catch up on. I hope my motivation returns.

I remember reading somewhere that we should take the word ‘should’ out of our vocabulary if it starts to bother us. You feel you should do more, but you bake, which is creative, and keep the house clean. Maybe that is enough for you at this stage if you are content.
Why not see what activities are on offer locally and give something a whirl? If not for you it’s not a problem.

M0nica the suggestion that a quiet life can lead to dementia is not encouraging. I know quite a few people (chess playing, clever and active etc.) who have succumbed to this dreadful disease and some of them no age.

I don't do much, though I help with my daughter's children if asked. We have a local Whatsapp group that meet on Saturdays for a drink and a chat, my husband doesn't want to do even this and I'm post covid and just can't summon up the energy at the moment. Longing to feel better, I've had it for over a month now.

At 73 I like having the choice to be busy or not. My other half goes mad at me as I volunteer, play walking netball, sing in a choir, go to WI, member of two book groups, do park run ( well I walk) plus see friends, cook, write my journal, help at the allotment and love to get away. However, I don’t knit or sew like my mum tried to teach me. I wouldn’t sit still long enough to learn. I keep Friday free for the two of us to do something, weather permitting. Weekends we might visit my daughter or the grandchildren if they are free or Tottenham are not on TV.
Life is busy but good and I think everyone needs to make their own choices about how to spend their time.

Years ago I heard you should make your bed first every day,then you know you have done at least one job !

I'm 71 and I feel the same way a lot of the time. It's worse in Winter. If I have something specific to do then I'm better at motivation but if its just a "might" do ?? today then I usually don't.

It’s easy to look around and see what other people do and feel guilty/envious, but we’re all different. If we enjoy our own company that’s great. It’s if we feel bored or lonely that we need to get out and mingle. Nothing wrong with a bit of both.

I am 82 now. Mum taught me not to waste my time. She always had knitting, crochet or sewing. I now cannot sit without knitting or sewing . It keepse from being bored
I also walk my dog and cook and bake. I am rarely without something to do.

I’m only 68, but quite happy on my own at home most days. I go out to a few groups each week, but love having Monday and Tuesday as my two “rest days”, when I can do whatever I want. (I tend to stay in at weekends, too many kids and dogs about!) If the weather is dry, I will always go for a wee walk. Sometimes I take the train or bus to another town. But often I just stay in, listen to the radio, read, watch old films. I find when I’m with other women I just get fed up with their witterings, think I’m happiest with my own company!

I say “each to their own” now I’m in my 80’s. I’ve had a gym membership for many years now and at this ‘thankful’ time in my life I enjoy a regular routine of “off to the gym” for an hour first thing in the morning….followed by a stop off for coffee before driving home. I know I feel better both physically and mentally when I incorporate this type of routine into my life but I also recognize its not everyone’s idea of satisfaction and feeling content! To get to this age and still be able to enjoy our own particular lifestyle choices is what it’s all about!

It sounds as if you are getting low on vit D if you are not getting out walking - even in cloudy weather. Try a UV lamp in your bathroom and more outside activity. It doesn't need to be long, just wandering between shops is often enough.

Good luck!

oh I wish I could relax and be happy at home on my own with my cat.. (I am a good well past 80 year old) can you tell I hate saying how many physical years I have accumulated.

I am fortunate I can still drive , in my ancient car, just up to local church and shops,, without the car... I dread it... being stuck at home..

wonderful to be content..

Why do you feel obliged to "do more"? If youve reached your 70s youve done your bit for the community so do what pleases you without a shred of guilt. Retirement is meant to be easy street.

Maybe you could think about joining your local u3a as you might find an activity which would appeal to you enough to get you out of the house? My local u3a has over 30 different things going on. While it is nice to be relaxed at home, it is probably not very good for you. My other thing is to make a list daily, not weekly, as I enjoy crossing things off once they are done.

I slobbed today waiting for a pre-arranged visit. Didn’t feel like starting any chores, in case she turns up. It’s past 5 so I doubt she’ll come - I hope she’ll ring and rearrange .