Christmas

Goldieoldie, My husband died in October 2022 so this is my second Christmas. I’m lucky in living near our adult daughters and we plan to be together on the day. Either side of that like so many widows, I’ll be on my own.
Look after yourself, get some good food and treats x

Goldieoldie15 I’m so sorry you are not long bereaved. Think of it as only one day, shops open again Boxing Day and just treat yourself to what you like to eat and watch on tv etc.
Sending condolences and hope the New Year is better for you.
Look after yourself.

Goldenoldie15, 💐.
I do hope you won’t find the day too hard. Do please treat yourself to whatever easy/ready made food you like best, and if it’s what you like, lose yourself in a good book or TV/films, preferably not the Christmassy sort if they’re only going to rub it in.

No I’m not looking forward to it at all. In fact I’m a little frightened. My husband died a few months ago. I’ll be on my own. My two children live in auz and this year because of an important med appointment I cannot join them there. Absolutely dreading it for the first time in my life.

We are very close to DS's mil and sister and DS and family rotate, one Christmas with her and one with us. DD is single and spends all Christmases with us. She knows she doesn't have to, as does DS, but they like it that way.

My two girls and their families are spending Christmas at DD1's house and DH's two girls are both going away.
We are going to Madeira for a few days. We have spent Christmas in hotels in this country but have never gone abroad before.
I'm looking forward to going and doing something different.
Both of my girls lost their MIL's this year so it will be good for them and their husbands to be together.

Sometimes invites hinge on what your child's in-laws are up to. We know we are being manipulated this year but have caused no fuss. What is the point? It would make DD unhappy, they must be stupid if they think we cannot see through their manoeuvres as we have all her married life .They were invited to a big family get-together last year and declined.This year their invites were thrown out in September.To SIL and family alone.
Life is too short to bother with people who set out to make you unhappy and as I have said up post unknown to them Christmas does not light my fire anyway.
Roll on Easter when we will have what my Mum called a" "Dutch supper", at her house including all her siblings I did it last year, she wants to do it in 2024.

Sarahr
nothing I can say... so sending hugs... and prayers

All of us have those Christmases, that are the first after someone dies. but death is the inevitable companion of life and we learn to weave them in.

My DIL's father died on Christmas Eve, when she was 6, yet her mother rallied round and she remembers her childhood Christmases as happy events. After my sister died in her 40s, my parents felt that they could never celebrate anything again, but once the first Christmas was over, there was consolation in the family traditions and the memories

In time my family will be faced with te first Christmas after my death and i seriously hope that after that first Christmas, they will continue to clebrate and enjoy Christmas as much as they always have.

We are having a Little Christmas with friends early in December. The actual Christmas will be just an ordinary few days for us. We are doing this as our adult children have cut us out of their and our grandchildren's lives and I struggle with Christmas now. I still have the grandchildren's last Christmas presents from us, all wrapped and waiting. Sad times.

Well I have always done a lot at christmas, being a singer there has always been rehearsals and concerts to fit in with family things and on the whole I have enjoyed it. But am now a widow , live alone and whilst still enjoying the singing etc and getting in touch with family and friends it is not the same without my husband and all the special things we did together. However there are one or two bits I would mention. Having always been a keen gardener, I always announced at some point that I was doing my christmas walk round the garden. In practical terms I make a note of anything flowering on the day and generally get a bit of fresh air and peace and quiet! The useful thing is that I can announce I am going to look round at a time that suits me, so if the family or one person was really annoying me that was the signal to go out, or if things were taking too long or getting boring or too much irritating noise of phones etc then I would choose that time to disappear. Over time everyone got used to me going out and didnt take any umbrage over it and so it was a really useful excuse to have up my sleeve at any given time. I also wrote it down (these days probably photograph plants) but it is good if you have lived for some time in one place and you can look back and see times and occasions when plants flowered and over time this is useful information which is used by such as the RHS to be able to look at changes to flowering, climate etc and your small contribution goes together with many more and gives a good overall view so worth doing. Then a couple of other ruses if you dont feel it will go down well if you tell others that you are not doing christmas! One year my sister had had a very stressful year at work and in health situation, She didnt lie about it but when asked by one group about visiting over christmas told them that she had already been in touch with a different group of friends and so regretably would not be able to join them. Told the other group the same thing and so they both assumed she was with the other group. She actually got in thigs that she fancied eating, did no christmas decorating or food shoppng at all, was happy to lounge about in her dressing gown for most of the day, doing exactly what she wanted. Then on Boxing day went off for a longish walk and came home to totally not christmas food. she returned to work feeling very refreshed and was welcomed by friends as she was happy to eat turkey sandwiches etc . so that is another way you might deal with the holiday. Then you might get in touch with an old friend that you dont get a chance to see much and organise to have perhaps a weekend in January together catching up in your own way and keep the christmas day down to the absolute minimum. Over new year my parents always did a safari meal with friends so that you had starter at one house then main at another and sweet at a third. That way you only cooked one course, took turns so that the main course was the one where you had to put the effort in and the starter and dessert could be something that you got ready and froze earlier in december so little work on the day. One of my favourties was to do summer pudding on boxing day. The smell of the fruit which we remembered picking in summer and the simplicity was lovely. You could also take the chance whenever the occasion arose to talk to family and say aloud what you would really enjoy doing, so maybe you would rather walk along a canal and come home to corned beef hash or beans on toast. We should not get hooked up about the actual food but the pleasure of sharing a meal with loved ones and enjoying their company. Go for it! As far as we know we only have one life and we dont come back to let anyone know so I think so long as what you do doesnt harm anyone else , have a go and who knows once you are prepared to state what you would prefer to do, others might be brave enough to do the same. Not wanting to do what other people enjoy doing is not a sin and doing your own thingis calming and pleasant and worth doing. Good luck

Me.

I ‘took over’ family Christmas about 35 years ago when mum agreed cooking and catering for all of us was becoming a challenge.
My husband died in October last year, six months after a devastating diagnosis. Our daughters, their husbands and children wanted Christmas here, as it always had been. We all felt the need for some stability and things to continue even though his absence was huge and painful. Everyone shared food prep, cooking and clearing

This year, we are all gathering together at our oldest daughter’s home. Food prep and cost will be shared. I’m ready to relinquish the key role but, if mr I was still here, I’m sure we would be planning the Big Lunch happily together

M0nica

ruthiek ask family members to provide present wish lists, then buy online and you will neither be running around nor buying gifts that are not wanted.

We’ve always done wish lists MOnica as my Mum and Dad did and now my children are continuing.
The mantle has been wrested from me this year Gundy by my daughter, I feel slightly bereft. It will, I’m sure be wonderful at her house.
I do think of those who are not as fortunate.

So many reasons why Christmas is not a happy time for some people.

Bereavement, divorce, family fallouts, split families fighting over who can have the kids, money problems, hard work etc.

It seems like everyone is having a great family time and you’re not but some people hide it well. I have a lovely friend with a husband, 3 adult kids and 7 grandkids and she always posts beautiful pics of them all round her home for xmas day.

I asked her how there can be 15 people in one house and no disagreements and she owned up that one son in law makes nasty jibes at her but does so cleverly so nobody overhears. Her son is separated and has a new partner who she is not keen on but pretends to like for her son’s sake.

Things are not always as great as we imagine so just try and get through the day as best you can.

KKKatie - so sorry. I have hated Christmas, ever since my divorce, but I go with the flow for the sake of the grandchildren. But there’s always fireworks , when the Xmas plans are discussed. I like the whole family to get together one evening during the Xmas break. I pay for the meal. But there’s one daughter-in-law, who always makes things difficult. Dates don’t suit, time don’t suit ….goes on and on. We’ll see how it goes 😂

I dread it. Too many people dead. One son and family overseas and the other ones wife has Alzheimer's.

Susieq62.. wow, would love a Christmas on the beach at Filey with a loved one

as you say perfect, thanks for sharing that image!

I both love and hate Christmas in equal measures

I find like many others Christmas a difficult time. It's an extremely emotional time of year I'd just like to hibernate until its all over.

I just get through it fir the sake of my daughter who loves it. It brings back memories of being torn between mum or dad. My best Christmas was 7 years ago when my partner and I had a picnic on the beach in the rain in Filey, drove home and went for a curry in the evening. Perfect!
My daughter likes to host but my partner’s three sons never include us , ask us what we are doing , check up on our well being so I am being selfish from now on.

Me too. It’s never been the same for me since my much loved Granny died suddenly and unexpectedly on 21 December 1966 - a long time ago I know. There always seem to be a lot of tragedies around Christmas time, or perhaps we just feel those that are not our personal tragedies all the more keenly then. Such as the four young lads that we heard today had been killed in a car crash. More families for whom Christmas will never be the same again.

KKKKatie

so understand..

Christmas is a very sad time for my family, my daughter in laws mother died last Christmas, my sister died the christmas before and my brother in law died last month so much heartache to cope with

Thank you Juicy Lucy for that encouragment, similarly I am counting the days to when the days start getting lighter, well certainly less dark