Social query

Yes, do please ask her. If she feels she can’t face it she will tell you. Becoming a social spare part is painful in the extreme.

You are being very sensitive and caring, Aveline and it was a good idea to seek others’ opinions.

I think AreWeThereYet put it very well so I won’t repeat the advice, but hope it turns out well and that she feels able to accept, either alone or with another friend.

Don't over think this. Just invite her as you would have done if her DH was alive. If she feels uncomfortable about your kind invitation I am sure she will tell you.

You sound like a very thoughtful and kind friend.

Reminds

Ask her - for goodness ask her.

I am widowed and one of the worst things that happens is that no-one invites you to anything any more. This is either because the world is set up for couples and you will upset the balance, or because they think you might burst into tears.

I implore you to ask her. She can say no if she feels unable to cope with it - but do not forget that everywhere she goes and everyone she meets remits her of the things she did with her partner. It is unremitting believe me.

But even worse is being left out - it is agony - take it from me.

I have noticed a sharp decline in invitations since DH died 3 years ago but I have just decided those people who left me out are not worth bothering with.

I try never to refuse an invitation because I fear I'll not be asked again.

I have had 2 parties this year. One was a Burn's Supper and I invited my single women friends plus 3 men. No couples at all!

The 2nd was friends and family for my birthday. It was hard work but worth it. I love it when people enjoy themselves and the party was still in full swing at 2am i had gone to bed.

I haven't had many invitations but maybe no-one entertains anymore.

As for your question Aveline invite them both.

Sorry to hear that eazybee and BlueBelle.

As a divorcee I know many doors close and you don’t get invited to anything involving couple whether they were friends or not

It isn't just bereaved wives, it is divorcees too who are suddenly disinvited form social events with people they have known from schooldays.
Very hurtful.

I agree with Bluebelle, Aveline.

I think most people understood what you meant Aveline

I most certainly wouldn't 'ghost' her! The point of my post was to see whether to just ask her by herself or potentially with a friend. We have a mutual friend who she might be more comfortable coming with. I wouldn't want to ask other friends or neighbours who she wouldn't know. I'm very aware of how bereaved wives can just be dropped. My sister experienced this. I actually contacted her 'friends' secretly and asked them to drop in on her or ask her out but they just feigned being too busy and did nothing.

Oh, I’ve just seen you wrote that this other person is a mutual friend? In that case, you could invite the friend too, but perhaps check with your bereaved friend first, to see what she would prefer for this year.

I think you are being a very thoughtful friend Aveline and I am sure many of us would be wondering what the best thing to do would be. I have to agree with the other posters, though, and offer the invitation. Perhaps hold back for now on asking someone else along, particularly if she doesn’t really know them. That could be saved for another occasion, maybe? I can understand why you think it might be nice to do this, (invite someone else along), but as someone upthread said, maybe your friend might be more comfortable with just you and your DH this time, in case the tears come.
It’s lovely that you are thinking of your friend, so follow your instinct and offer the invitation.

I don't think there was any suggestion of not inviting her - just a question about whether it might be better to invite others at the same time. That's how I read it anyway.

I can’t believe you have to ask!
It would emphasis her bereavement all the more to be “ghosted” by not being included/ invited and believe me, there are many widows on here who will bear out the decline in invitations when they no longer make up an even number.
The “couples” thing should belong in the dark ages of formal dinner parties but all too often doesn’t.
By all means include another friend or two but most of all do not ignore your friend by leaving her out. She needs invitations and company more than ever now.
It would indeed be crass to leave her out and be seen to ignore her.

If you don't invite her, that will really "rub it in" that she is now widowed. It will give the impression that you liked her husband, her not so much.
Facing widowhood is hard (I know) but if friendships enjoyed with a spouse are dropped after his/her death, that just adds to the unhappiness.
OF COURSE you should invite her. She doesn't have to accept this time. Invite her again, don't just drop her.

Definitely invite her (if your husband has to pop out hint hint that would be even better)
My friends partner died when she was still quite young Two friends invited her along for a weekend break not telling her their partners were going as well, she had a horrible time.

Yes, do invite her and so sensitive and kind of you to be so considerate of her feelings. It will mean a lot even if it turns out to be too overwhelming for her and she may not be able to manage it, your thoughtfulness will stay with her.

The year I was widowed, I was very hurt by a group of friends deciding to include other halves to our Christmas meet up for the first time ever. It was over 20 years ago, we were just out of our forties and I was the first widow in the group. No bad intentions they just didn't think it through unlike your lovely self Aveline.

I am widowed and found that some of my friends that are still a couple don’t invite me round for a drink or suggest a meal out as before . So yes do invite her , she will soon tell you if it’s too difficult. I am also fortunate that I do have lovely friends who do invite me for which I am very grateful.

Invite her, it may bring back sad memories of times gone past but she knows you are thinking of her and she is still welcome. Making an easy plan for the New Year is another good plan that someone has suggested it gives her something to look forward .

I too would invite her - but say you totally understand if she feels unable to do it.

Maybe say you would like to remember happier times?

I found, when I was widowed, that many people just couldn't cope with it. So I would definitely invite her with a very open invitation so that it is easy for her to refuse if she can't cope.. she's lucky to have you as a friend..

Thanks all. AreWeThereYet- very well put!