Down in the dumps

I was overcome with a wave of sadness yesterday. It was looking at the Christmas tree that did it. I love our very varied decorations. We try to get one in all places we've been over the years plus those made or given by the children, friends and work colleagues. I always have special place for a robin my Granny gave us. Suddenly it reminded me that everything is past now, so many family members, friends and pets gone. I always used to love seeing the tree and all it meant. Suddenly it became a real sadness. I felt melancholy. Only work for it. A new thing for me.

These are my coping strategies:

I have a CAT who needs feeding and who won't let me stay in bed until he's fed!

I don't watch the News any more. I am very old (93) and can't do much about anything that would benefit the World.

I belong to a lovely web group that is supportive and great fun, as well as this one.

I repeat several mantras : eg "I am very healthy. "

If I don't feel like a shower , I don't. I have a strip wash and this really wakes me up!

A friend sets my hair for me after I've washed it and I comb it out as I want.

I put on some lipstick. No one else will see it but I love the flash of red!

I subscribe to READLY and have hundreds of magazines at my fingertips.

I watch fashion influencers on Tube though I never get things right for me.

I download books on Kindle because I have eye problems and can't read small print any more.

I watch rubbish on Netflix and Prime.

I experiment with my lovely Vortex Mini Airfryer and make up recipes.

I keep in touch with friends and family via my desktop and my iPad.

I have two pen friends.

I take flattering and unflattering photos of myself and have a good laugh.

I say prayers every night.

If I wake up around 3 a.m and negative thoughts creep in, I get up and make a cuppa. I even had some mulled wine one morning!!

I take Vitamins and can "feel" the difference if I don't. One has to "believe' they will work!!

I understand that I can't be full of the joys of Life every day but Have a darned good try!!.

wow! RosieMaw, and most everyone here, I too, read more than post, but this thread. so me!
Iget out, I have friends, family, very busy, but occasionally contact with them.

my moods go up and down, and yes, I think I can relate to most every thing said here.. my difference seems to be that my friends can`t cope withme when I am a bit down, I try not to show it, cos they just don`t want to know.. whether that is good for me or not, I don`t know.. but guess it makes me force myself up!

but it soo, soooo verymuch helps to hear that I am not alone.
so thank you

If the weather is awful and I don't wznt to venture out I try to fill the bird feeders and watch the activity from the conservatory. Squirrels usually join in feeding off the food knocked off by the birds. Kind of reminds me there is a lot of life out there and the animals are so grateful.

I’m ’enjoying’ this thread, it’s somehow reassuring to read other women in our age group sharing feelings we probably don’t share with our adult children or even our friends.

Cornergran, I went tour our 5 year old granddaughters nativity with the paternal gran yesterday. She’s a lovely energetic retired nurse - she ran our hospice for years - enough said. She had covid recently, is still exhausted.

Update. Venting must have worked, along with the very kind and understanding words here.

Eventually told yes, we can drive it complete with Christmas tree type lights and accompanying warning noises which apparently can’t be disabled. Needs a new front camera. When? No idea. Never mind, we can get to our son on Christmas Day, otherwise he would have a day alone

The next challenge appeared in the way home. The dash cam informed us politely it wasn’t charging and would we please plug it in - then it died. Resurrected once home it’s ok if plugged in. Can only assume the two are linked somehow. Dash cam after-fitted by Halfords. No one can look tomorrow, they will Saturday. Yikes, it’s in the middle of an always busy shopping area. Ok. We can do this and somehow could laugh about it, once I stopped orbiting Mars.

No, things don’t come in threes!!

Thank you for your understanding everyone. Sanity and relatively good humour have been reclaimed. Wishing you all the very best whatever your sadness.

RosiesMaw

^Sister-in-law took initiative at the gathering, offered him her mobile number. Not lost on us - she was very proactive and is happy^

While I am very happy for them, this is absolutely not on my agenda.
See the “Do you need a man to be happy” thread .

I expressed myself poorly and I'm sorry for that.

I doubt she needed a man - it blossomed, but that was not my point. She's retired and was slowly healing with her family.

She was under 60 at her husband's death, had the rock in her pocket for 5 years, the edges and bad places had rubbed smooth, she was, as you were calling your friend, proactive to be with people didn't fear rejection.

Definitely a difficult time of year & with all the dark overcast days too. But should the shortest day soon so that’s good too

Cornergran I'm sorry to hear about your car. It's the last straw after a challenging time for you, I expect.

I agree Maw," Here's to us! What's like us".
I had written a long post in reply to what you wrote and I moved and the bloody thing got deleted. Rabbie got it so right, in so many ways. When I hear," Old Lang Syne ", the tears will start.
So many more than anyone would ever know feel like you do. I'm lucky I still have DH, I worry about what I will do if the situation arises and I don't, I worry about if it is the other way around. I can no longer drive because of a hip problem.
My DDs live long journeys from me and this year we are staying at home as one is invited to inlaws and the other, I don't want her risking the journey up here.
Just like in some awful way, this depressing weather we are having makes me feel glad that DH does not have to do an 8-hour drive in bad weather like we did last year to get to them.
I confess I was pleased when other friends said they were staying at home and then I felt guilty.
I joined Gransnet in the hope of meeting some like-minded people and certainly have and also others.
My day used to be like it was when I worked starting at 9, lunch at 12 and finishing at 3.30 pm for reflection and making a list for the next day. I then thought why am I making myself stick to a rigid timetable?
I stopped going to the village Coffee Morning because someone scoffed and called it a load of C.Dodgers. Even the expression made me cry. Well, my New Year resolves to go back, quite a lot of neighbours have come and asked me, so why shouldn't I if it's a mutual support group then that's good.
Don't think you are alone you are not. We all enjoy your poetry and appreciate the time it takes you.
So remember we are all in it together and you have a lot of people who appreciate you and would like to be your friend if they lived near you.

Yes, Maw, here’s to US!

Poor corner. I’m sure covid can really knock the stuffing out of you. I hope you feel better very soon and that the car will be ok to drive at Christmas. 🤞 I am fortunate to have avoided it (largely because, like MayBee, I just don’t go to those places where I might catch it any more - my life has changed so much. I hope all will feel better once we’re the other side of this very stressful time of year, when the absence of loved ones is felt all the more keenly. Next month we will begin to see the days starting to draw out, bringing the promise of spring and, let us all hope, better times. Just this week I have had news that one cousin has died, another has stage four cancer which has spread, and a third has been widowed. And today is the day my much loved Gran died, very many years ago but I mark the day still as though it were yesterday. I’m another who always puts on a smile and says I’m fine. There are many of us aren’t there? I’m also fortunate to still have my husband, but somehow dogs understand and I’m so grateful for that.

Cornergran.and sincere commiserations.
Bl**dy cars. They choose their moments.
I hope the family will rally round and see that you are OK but the feeling of being let down by a lump of metal is undeniably the last straw. Try to believe that despite all you have been through recently, that it’s not personal.
You will be run down as well as feeling down as an after effect of Covid - have you thought of trying our Mothers’ favourite remedy a “tonic” ?or failing that a couple of stiff ones?
I had a similar experience last Easter when I could at least get to London on the train provided somebody drove me to the station or I’d have been on my own - and miserable with it. Vulnerable did not come close.
I sincerely hope things come right for you and indeed for all those, who like me, are feeling less than our most resilient.
As they say in Scotland
“Here’s tae us! What’s like us?”
It goes on with “Dam’’ few, and they’re a’ deid “ ?
So here’s to us !

Thank you for this thread Maw, everything you said I can identify with. I have to have a plan for the day, or I can slip into a very low mood. However I try to count my blessings and thank God for my dogs, who have to be walked,fed and loved ,even when I m a grumpy old bat, they always love me back.

Pleased you’re feeling brighter maw.nothing like being with a good friend. Well other than cake.

At the moment although Mr C is with me I could sit and weep. I’ve been beyond down since having bovid 5 weeks ago. Can’t shake symptoms and my mood has crashed. I pretend I’m ok most of the time. . We’ve been out today to cheer me. Worked a treat until the dash became full of warning lights. Very pretty but unwanted. Currently sat in the garage. It’s in diagnostics. Ten minutes is stretching to two hours. It’s got to come back for more diagnostics tomorrow. No guarantee we can drive it over Christmas. Of course we’ll get round it. Wont starve if we have to cancel plans to go to family but it’s just too much and I’m struggling not to howl. We’ve not seen a glimmer of sun for days if not weeks. Doesn’t help. So windy and wet. Also doesn’t help. Will work through it and I know I’m more fortunate than many. Just venting really.

When I wake up and it’s too early to get up I listen to Jason Stephensons Get Back to Sleep fast on utube. I’ve become quite dependent on them. I don’t understand how they work as I find them quite irritating, but they do.

I can sympathise, RosiesMaw. I have just passed through a spell of waking up with an illogical feeling of dread which lasted all day. I had to force myself to get going but I didn't tell my lovely family that it was even an effort to speak to them. I blamed the darkness of December. The dark mood has lifted, thank goodness, partly due to me forcing myself to get out and get on with things. I didn't achieve that every day but when I did I came home feeling a bit better. But I still can't watch or listen to heartbreaking news stories, coward that I am.

RosiesMaw

Thank you for all the kind messages on my self-pitying post about being down in the dumps. I have given my head a bit of a wobble, pulled myself together and been out for coffee and indulgent cake with a good friend.
Actually this last is I am sure what has helped the most.
The fear of appearing needy or risking rejection is often what stops those of us on our own from being more proactive in socialising
It only takes a No to set you right back, but with that in mind I will take the initiative more often instead of waiting for contact.
So if I haven’t replied to your DM’s individually yet, it’s not that I am ungrateful. While I am sorry that anybody shares how I was feeling, it is comforting to know we are not alone.
Thank you 🙏

My life has imploded since the pandemic started. There always seems to be something in the pipeline that makes me scared of catching covid. My son asked me if I wanted to go with them to a pantomime but I’m still avoiding crowded places. It made me realise how many things I no longer do ( theatre, cinema, trains buses…) that I used to enjoy. Today I was going to go to a local country park that is lovely at Christmas but the wind has scuppered that plan. My life seems to consist of listening to podcasts and watching catchup tv. And the weather is so depressing. I just don’t want to go outside even into the garden! The thought of the things I have missed out of doing over the past few years saddens me, too. Holidays with family, concerts, departed friends that I didn’t see because of covid. Roll on springtime…

Sister-in-law took initiative at the gathering, offered him her mobile number. Not lost on us - she was very proactive and is happy

While I am very happy for them, this is absolutely not on my agenda.
See the “Do you need a man to be happy” thread .

I feel the same, Rosie. When we are working we are busy and there are never enough hours in the day. But, once retired, unless we have an all-consuming hobby, the days can be long and sometimes tedious. I know I have so much to be grateful for - and believe me, I am - but I feel a loss of focus especially since my GC are not small any more and don't need me as before. Also no doubt most of us don't need to make money nor have the wherewithall to do so, so there is no longer that push. It's a feeling of it's all behind me and I would really love to have a focus that made me want to leap out of bed in the morning but I fear I never will. Sorry I have not cheered you up in the slightest but it's to say you are most definitely not alone in how you feel. As we can see on here, many people feel the same even if we don't say so out loud.

I'm fortunate enough to live near a beautiful river and a daily walk along its banks is decidedly uplifting when regularly waking to a vision of grey dampness through the morning window It's a shorter meander in the inclement weather because it can be difficult underfoot but in the better weather I upgrade to a sprightly pace. Hallelujah for shortest day tomorrow! An absolute shot in the arm each day. My other source of joy is friends and regular lunches is my added lifeline.

RosiesMaw The fear of appearing needy or risking rejection is often what stops those of us on our own from being more proactive in socialising
It only takes a No to set you right back, but with that in mind I will take the initiative more often instead of waiting for contact.

My new sister-in-law told me was a widow for a few years, had decided she needed more socialising, met my brother at a regular gathering of her friends. He'd recently retired and moved home and was only invited because one of the group is friends with our similar age eldest daughter.

Sister-in-law took initiative at the gathering, offered him her mobile number. Not lost on us - she was very proactive and is happy.

Glad you are feeling better today RosiesMaw, this season can exaggerate everything, hope you and Rosie have a good week

So pleased to know that things are better today. Cake and a chinwag are good medicine!

I’m glad you’re feeling more positive today Maw, I think this is a difficult time of year for many of us and it holds sad memories for you.