Best friends - what makes one and do you have one?

What lovely posts about people's friends, thank you.

Maw's post resonated with me as my mother was not very encouraging of us having friends either but, despite that, I have a very dear friend from when we were both 3. Mum looked down on her family but, whenever I talk to her, we are just the same as always. Sadly, she lives a very long way away, is not well and her husband has recently had a stroke. We still chat a lot but I doubt we will meet again. Awful to think about.

The thing I miss about my friend round here is seeing her. It makes such a difference and I wonder if I will ever have that again.

And yes, Maw, my girls do friendships well, too.

Throughout. my disastrous marriage I wasn't 'encouraged' to independently make friends of my own; the friends we did have were mainly already my ex OH friends and their respective partners, some of whom were really lovely and we got on well. However, us going out as a group of just female friends was not going to happen.
When we eventually split up I was told in no uncertain terms to not contact anyone as they were 'his' friends.
Consequently, I am now very guarded about letting anyone get too close. Yes, I have people who I meet for a coffee and a wonderful new man in my life who is the only person who I would consider being a best friend.

kittylester “having someone who just ‘gets’ me”, that resonates so much with me.

I count myself fortunate to have kept my friends throughout the years even though I moved to Malta over forty years ago. We kept in touch by letters and by visits and I still have four or five friends with whom I started school aged 5!

I met my closest friend from ‘senior school’ when we sat at adjacent desks and were firm friends for fifty years until her death from a brain tumour six years ago. We were godmothers to each other’s first born babies and I still keep in touch with her family but it’s so hard to be without her.

My sisters were my very best friends so it was a huge blow to lose them both, one in 2006 aged 54, and my eldest sister who died in 2016, a year after my beloved husband, aged 71. There’s a huge hole in my heart and even though I have many lovely friends, it hurts that there’s nobody left who knew me inside out.

Having said that, there is one friend (coincidentally she lives in Leicester) who I met in 1978 when we both worked as Nannies in London. We always kept in touch and since separating from her compulsive gambler husband, she has been out to Malta four times in the past couple of years. We also message one another everyday and once a week have a FaceTime call.

I have some friends here in Malta who I value enormously but it’s not quite the same. Nobody ‘gets’ me really.

I’m so sorry your friend is poorly kitty and I hope she will recover. It’s a sad part of getting older that, sadly, many of our friends check out before us.😞

My lifelong best friend died suddenly a few years ago now, and I still miss her, we knew everything about each other, and she was such good fun - her ‘go for it’ still rings in my ears regularly when I dither about decisions. I do have other friends, and another best friend, and although our history is shorter I trust her completely too. I’m also fortunate to have two sisters and a brother, we are all close and support each other through life’s ups and downs, so I consider myself very lucky. I agree that trust is the most important aspect of any friendship, knowing they have your back and you have theirs.

Having been to an all girls school I didn’t feel that relaxed with males for some time but with the advent of the internet and chat rooms (not dating sites) I found men can be so much easier to talk to than I imagined. I’ve made some really good male friends through travel and online and they’ve become family friends but sadly many have succumbed to cancer and I almost feel that I’m a jinx.

My best friend of 59 years died last March and there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. We met when we were six and she was a part of my family as I was of hers. She was my chief bridesmaid and godmother to my first child. We messaged each other most days, met up most weeks and shared in each other's sorrows and joys. Although I have a number of good friends, there will never be another like her. I was so lucky the teacher sat her next to me and asked me to look after her. We looked after each other all our lives.

I have two groups of “ best friends”, one going back to university days. We have a lot in common and just pick up where we left off. The other is a group maintained by correspondence. We have only all met once, though sometimes meet in twos or threes. We are all very different and respect each others’ differences. But we can tell each other anything.
Locally, I can’t say I have close friends, just some I might meet for coffee occasionally.

I lost a real, true friend 2 years ago. I didn’t know her for as long as I’ve known my other friends but we shared so many things in common. I don’t think there was one bad bone in her body. However, I do have a friend who i’ve known for about 50 years, and who I could consider a ‘best friend’. She is very different to me, in her attitudes to money and her politics. But I know, I could turn to her, if I needed a ‘comfort’ chat.

tanith

DH my best friend died 5 yrs ago and I lost all 3 long term friends the year after I miss them all and now there is no one I can call best friend.
A best friend is someone you could share anything with knowing it will go no further if you wish it so. Trust is the most important quality in my mind.
It’s sad when you are ‘the last one standing’ as was mentioned in another thread title.

This is how I felt about my friend too, tanith.

Yes, one from school whom I rarely see but keep in touch with. I know we can pick up where we left off.

The other best friend I made later in life died suddenly several years ago; the shock was enormous and I still miss her. I knew I could trust her absolutely, unlike other friends I've made in later years.

I met my friend in Infant school when we were both 4. She lives fairly near and we meet up regularly.

My best friend (as I thought of her ) I knew from school , we could talk for ever about serious or entertaining things , then she was seen out on a date with the boy I’d loved from afar
Of course she laughed at me , but I still thought of her as my bestie!
Years later she went off to America , I wrote , no answer , still wrote , sent photos , no answer ,
Few more years she rang and invited herself to my house for a visit , it was a disaster , she wanted whisky, not coffee , she refused to meet my kids , produced pictures of her pet dogs . She told me she had got my letters , but hadn’t time to answer
I never saw her again
I don’t think I was a good friend to her , my letters were all about me , I was not impressed about her dogs , never asked her or sympathised , I should have known she couldn’t have babies
So , to have a best friend you need to ask about them , not smother them with overwhelming enthusiasm , and have some whiskey in the house

I definitely have a best friend. We met as postgraduate students in 1965, and have been close friends ever since. Our lives have been parallel in many ways. We married at roughly the same time, both had two sons who went to the same school. We still tell each other all our troubles (and we’ve had plenty), and support each other in everything. I dread the thought of her dying. We are both pushing 84.

DH my best friend died 5 yrs ago and I lost all 3 long term friends the year after I miss them all and now there is no one I can call best friend.
A best friend is someone you could share anything with knowing it will go no further if you wish it so. Trust is the most important quality in my mind.
It’s sad when you are ‘the last one standing’ as was mentioned in another thread title.

I have three best friends I know that sounds silly to have three but there are they are all equally my best friend
They aren’t friends with each other
Two I have known nearly 40 years from work situations and one from school although we lost touch and have only been in touch for the last 15 years
I would miss them all very much, and then lucky me has a internet best friend as well although we ve never met
So I m very blessed

I've always had lovely close friendships which meant a lot to me because of my lack of relatives. Sadly I've outlived them all except one, and I live further away from her now so we have drifted a bit. I do miss the lack of a close friend very much.

My best friend was a male colleague I worked with in my twenties before I left to have my children. We stayed friends and kept in touch until he died about eight years ago.

I also made quite a few friends as a new mum baby clinic mother and baby club etc. My children started nursery and school I met the same friends for coffee mornings etc. I was divorced and remarried continued to meet up with a few friends. We got involved with PTA and two of us eventually took over fund raising events very successfully. Other friends moved or died sadly one developed dementia so obviously friends have dwindled.

My friend and I reminisce often about our fund raising the catering we did the stalls we set up for our children’s school. We text each other and meet up we both have our ailments to moan about. We do meet up for drinks occasionally and our husbands get on well too.

I consider a good friend has staying power we support each other no matter what our own circumstances are. It’s like dropping a stitch when knitting don’t give up pick up the thread keep the friendship flowing.

My best friend ( apart from DH) and I have known each other for 50+ years. We met at Uni and became firm friends immediately.
We live in different parts of the country, always kept in touch by family visits a couple of times a year. Once the DCs were adults we started going away together for girls holidays.
She is someone who I admire enormously, over the years she has recovered from three life threatening illness whilst managing to have a full time job. Also at the moment is recuperating from a serious orthopaedic operation.
A wonderful woman.

From my teenage years onward, I spent my life in the military from one unit to another and so you make good friends and lose them. Similarly when I was married; though none of the people I was close to were ever best friends, I am still in close contact with a very few of them now and we all value that hangover from our former transient lifestyle. She whom I really call my best friend is a lady I met on a course in 1982 and we hit it off from the first day. As Kitty put it, we “get” each other. Sadly, we don’t see each other quite so much these days - her health is not good and her mobility poor, and she’s very involved with her church, but we speak often and when we do get together it’s always a joy.

I do have a best friend. She was my bridesmaid.
She is not in the best of health. And she doesnt look after her health that well either, sadly.

Its hard, isn’t it kitty. I’ve lost my best friend of 70 years to vascular dementia. While we’ve not been geographically close for many years a phone call provided instant connection. I’ve a very small family and it occurred to me the other day she was my last real link to the every day doings of my childhood and my parents as young people. She can no longer cope with the phone. Living across the country from each other visits are difficult, we’re hoping to go in the Spring with fingers crossed a connection will still be there, somewhere.

I have always envied my daughters’ friendships.
My own mum could be very negative and didn’t encourage me to get too close to other girls I met. She would always have a “reservation” about a “new” friend and somehow -perhaps I was subconsciously influenced by her opinion - she would too often be “proved” right.
My bad, I think as they say.
However all 3 D’s have wonderful friends some since their schooldays, some from their student days and since.
I have always maintained that to have a good friend you must be a good friend and they have borne this out.
I do have a very few wonderful friends who have more than gone the extra mile for me but sadly have lost touch with all but one from my childhood and I think I may well bear a lot of the responsibility for that. 😢