A family member has been described as 'overbearing and opinionated'.

I understand, more power to you

Someone I know overcompensates for her insecurity by acting a bit like this in large groups. A few years ago she was at a baby shower and was a bit, “me, me, me” when the granny-to-be stopped her in mid-flow and said, very forcefully, “today is not about you”. There was a shocked silence and then people covered it up by chatting again, but the young woman who was silenced was mortified and told me later that she thought the public humiliation was very unkind.

Fortunately she has a lot of close friends who adore her and overlook this particular fault because they see her ‘in the round’.

She sounds pretty thick skinned though

Or she has a neurological problem like ADHD and can't actually help being as she is. Or maybe she is quite lonely and gets overly enthusiastic. Maybe she isn't thick skinned and will be completely wounded by the thought people see her this way.

There are a lot of responses advising you to leave it be. I think that if people are allowed to behave badly, then they will and will continue to do so. However, it’s not up to you to fight other peoples battles. If she is like this with you then call her out on it, you could by starting your sentence with ‘I’m not sure whether you’re aware but ….’ She sounds pretty thick skinned though. If it any consolation I think every family has one.

Spot on, chocolatelovinggran. Yes, we've got one!

I have a friend like this. She turns every conversation to herself, her experience and then she goes on to talk about her job and how she was an amazing teacher. So tedious, and self indulgent but it means people avoid her.

icanhandthemback

^ I would also tell the friends who have complained to you about her manner that you did not care for it either, and tell them they are at liberty to tell her how rude she is being, as nothing you say has any effect on her.^

I think this is an awful idea. What you are effectively saying is that you have all sat around backbiting about her. It's one thing for one person to have a quiet word and the effect on them but to speak for everybody, that is mean.

I agree.. gossip is pretty unpleasant

icanhandthemback

^ I would also tell the friends who have complained to you about her manner that you did not care for it either, and tell them they are at liberty to tell her how rude she is being, as nothing you say has any effect on her.^

I think this is an awful idea. What you are effectively saying is that you have all sat around backbiting about her. It's one thing for one person to have a quiet word and the effect on them but to speak for everybody, that is mean.

Sorry, a space between my quotation mark and the "I" seems to have scuppered my italics!

^ I would also tell the friends who have complained to you about her manner that you did not care for it either, and tell them they are at liberty to tell her how rude she is being, as nothing you say has any effect on her.^

I think this is an awful idea. What you are effectively saying is that you have all sat around backbiting about her. It's one thing for one person to have a quiet word and the effect on them but to speak for everybody, that is mean.

I have a dear friend who recently turns any conversation into something to do with ailments, hospitals, gps or old age. It is so depressing. I now just very pointed change the subject to something very cheerful, she is getting the message but it is taking time!
Re iPad usage, a suggestion - can you pull out the plug on the wifi connection for a while?

I bet she's actually trying, rather desperately,to be liked and respected for her knowledge.. I would just listen with compassion.. it might change the whole dynamic

In your place I would tell her when you and she are alone that you find her behaviour rude when it occurs. I would also tell the friends who have complained to you about her manner that you did not care for it either, and tell them they are at liberty to tell her how rude she is being, as nothing you say has any effect on her.

It probably will not do any good, but at least your friends will know that you don't care for her behaviour either.

I wonder why the mentioned it to you, instead of dealing with it themselves? This seems rather unkind to me.

sounds like my sister in law. We try to limit our contact with her

If she starts talking, ,all of you stop, immediately, to listen to her. Perfect silence from all of you. When she stops, you start talking again. Maybe, eventually, she will notice this.

I suspect your culprit may have different mental wiring than most people. I'm sure she doesn't mean any ill intention. She's just trying to join in and be entertaining. As a person who talks too much, I have recently received a diagnosis of ADHD. I don't mind being interrupted and it's great if someone takes a facilitation role and directly asks another person for their view or experience. It really isn't arrogance. I just have a very speedy mind and lack of a filter. Sorry everyone

Chocolatelovinggran: I thought that it was compulsory that all families had to have at least one member like this ....

Yes. I tend to agree!

And re googling things, I think it’s generational PLUS sometimes it’s the only way to shut up the bossy and self opinionated one! 🙄

I don't Google but I am probably otherwise guilty. I thought I was empathising and in some way bonding through shared experience. I will try to work on that!
My sister did once say that people didn't want to hear other peoples' experiences (oops, missed that hint) but I thought it was rather funny as you can never get a word in edge ways as she waxes lyrical about her ailments. I think we must be just a funny family!

Anyway.. back to me!
So many people out there like this!

I do know a few people like this . Try to avoid eye contact and if in a group try to change the subject or bring someone else in by asking them their opinion or view.

I was very surprised that your friends would be so unkind to actually say anything about your family member. It could be considered rude and inappropriate, unless someone has facilitated that kind of talk.
My advice would be to speak only favourably about your SIL, pointing out to these friends how kind she is. And I definitely wouldn’t say anything to her- she may lose all confidence to join in with people.
With regards to a conversation, aren’t they about sharing experiences, ideas and thoughts? Only being allowed to listen to a person’s contributions rather stilts them, doesn’t it?

Is it possible to turn off the broadband thingy for a short time when she is in full flow?

From a half facetious and total ignoramus re anything technical!

I just realised that except for the google everything, you might be talking about me. I always thought I was helping as in trying to say, yes, I had an experience like that to show them I knew what they were talking about and therefore could emphasise with them. Never realised it could be seen as overbearing and opinionated. Oops. I will strive to do better.

My husband fact checks me all the time! It is annoying but he'll never change so I just ignore it.

This is like my BIL!! He's the most annoying person ever, drives everyone mad, he ends up lecturing/ preaching BS to everyone if they don't respect his opinion or view, he also gets on his I pad to check things out. I try to avoid him, but it's hard, you can't have a normal conversation with him, i once said 'lovely sunny day isn't it' he then started telling how the sun and earth work together to make the seasons!! I'm 62!! not 12!! Yawn

Just yawn and then say " Oh so sorry as I'm not bored at all but so tired ... do it a few times and it will eventually sink in !