Going back to work

You have been doing the hardest and most rewarding job on the planet, raising your children, keeping your house and supporting your husband

100% agree.

Although I have never been a SAHM (no children) I have always shied away from family life and all that implies. Housework (which I loath) and home admin are bloody hard and thankless work. They are not going to suddenly disappear if OP does get herself a job. So chances are she is still going to be doing her "share" in the home -whatever that is.

I dislike the suggestion that someone approaching 60 is some kind of parasite for not having an employed job in the economy. There are many other ways of contributing to the community.

To be frank many people of this age range are looking to coast gently towards retirement. Going out to search for a job at this life stage is very daunting.

I would start with the idea of a few hours a week or volunteering for the OP to regain her confidence and get used to the grind (because that’s what it is) of going out to work again.

I had a look back at some of your posts Biscuitmuncher. In 2021 you said your children were in their early 20s and your son had his own house. So I don’t really understand what keeps you at home now.

60 isn't old.. I'm surprised that you don't want to go out and do something.. as GSM said most of us had to work, bring up children and look after the house.. In my case I was widowed when my son was little so I had no choice if I wanted us tohave some quality of life, pay the mortgage,have holidays etc.. and I really valued and liked my work colleagues.. I think I would have found it too lonely being at home all day long.. You might find you actually have fun and enjoy making some money

My husband (thankfully ex) insisted that I went back to work when our children were 4.5 and 2.5years old. He didn’t hint but said it out loud! It was the best thing he could have done. I worked around their schooling and my mam had them inbetween. I was so lucky to have here living just 2 miles away. I passed my driving test and got a job. Made loads of friends and had a social life which he didn’t bargain on. My life at home was terrible but I became a different person thanks to work. You are still young yet and might even enjoy the new you. Try courses on computing which can be free or cheap. Learn something new and get out there. You will have your own money and not dependent on him. Come on girl, be brave and step outside of your own front door and be a more independent person. Please let us know how you get on. Its just a shame that he stopped you in the early days.

OP may have worked until she had her 1st child mid 30's plus she would get NI credits up to the child's 12th birthday now. Although it was more years before this, I can't remember when it changed. OP may well have got a good few years credits for her state pension.
Poster may just need a few more years to top up her pension.
Also the husband persuaded this lady not to accept offered jobs when the children were younger. Probably did not want to take responsibility for the children. He seems to want to pick and choose when his wife works and when she does not.
OP do you know your pension entitlement, if not I would suggest you look it up on the gov.co.uk website so you know your financial position.
I hope you sort this out and get resolution soon.

Yes, I believe tax credits for sahms are only until the child/ren are 12.

I believe Biscuitmuncher has stayed at home for so long, well beyond when the children needed her to be there, that she’s actually frightened of going out of to work. Juggling home, child/ren and work is something almost all of us had to do. I can imagine the world of work must seem daunting after 25-odd years but if she is to have some financial security, and support her husband as he has supported her for so long, it has to be done.

Norah he's never done any housework, I've done it and enjoyed it

Women born after 5 April 1953 come under the new state pension rules. For men, the date is 5 April 1951.

You need 35 years of NIC to get a full new state pension. It’s based on your own contributions. There is no entitlement to inherit a spouse’s state pension other than:

You might inherit part of his or her Additional State Pension if the marriage or civil partnership with them began before 6 April 2016 and one of the following applies:

∞ your partner reached State Pension age before 6 April 2016

∞ they died before 6 April 2016 but would have reached State Pension age on or after that date

Addition State Pension is made up of graduated contributions to 1975 or SERPS and SSP from 1978 that was not contracted out.

There has been a lot of discussion about this elsewhere. The new state pension entitlement is very different to the pre 6 April 2016 basic state pension provisions where non-working wives fared considerably better. The upside is that the new state pension is higher.

You can pay voluntary Class 3 NIC for missing years. It currently costs £824.20 a year but there are limits on how far you can go back and when you must pay by. More information here:

www.gov.uk/voluntary-national-insurance-contributions/deadlines

GrannyGravy13

Biscuitmuncher

Theexwife I finished work 2 months before my first was born

You have been doing the hardest and most rewarding job on the planet, raising your children, keeping your house and supporting your husband.

Only do what you are comfortable with.

Indeed.

Perhaps it's time to ask your husband why the change in attitude? Still a house to keep up, cooking - is he willing to come home to cook, clean, do laundry, purchase groceries, run errands - has he thought this out?

However, my thoughts are based on always sahm, over 60 yrs.

Work isn’t a punishment especially if you can find something you like doing.

I’d unusual for a woman of your age not to have worked outside the home for so long. Most women born after 1945 have juggled childcare and work.

It may be that your husband is thinking about you future if he was no longer around. How would you be financially if he were to die suddenly? There is no state widow’s pension now. You are several years away from state pension age yourself and have not built up your own pension entitlement other than any credits you may be entitled to for years when your children were younger. I echo what others are saying. Look at your state pension forecast and see what that says.

Does husband pay into an occupational pension scheme that would pay you something perhaps 50% of what he would have received?

If you worked just 15 hours a week at minimum living wage, say two days a week full time, you would earn £180 p.w.. You would be under the income tax threshold but would be paying some NIC towards your state pension.

Every year you can work between now and state pension age will give you, at current rates, an extra £5.82 on your pension. It doesn’t sound a lot but work six years and by the time you are 66, with increases for inflation, that could be worth an extra £50 a week pension. That could go a long way to paying your council tax or your energy bills.

Under 12, I believe.

I thought if a sahm claim child benefit until the child is 18, she will automatically gets NI credits for state pension. Or did I get it all wrong?

Since you are approaching 60 and not far from retirement age, do you know what is your state pension forecast? Have a look at the government gateway for state pension. Any shortfall ask your husband if he is willing to help you pay the NI contributions.

Does anyone who has not worked for 25 years get a State Pension except on their spouse's contributions?

Although Biscuitmuncher may have 15 years' worth of contributions from before the DC arrived of course.

Worth getting a forecast from DWP.

Did you ask your husband why he wanted you to go back to work? Is he struggling with the current cost of living or is he worried that both of you will not be financially okay when he retired?

My suggestion is to get your cv ready and look at the websites of all the supermarkets nearby and if there are any vacancies, they will be listed there.

The same goes with care work, send the care companies an email with an attached cv.

Register with temporary agencies. Search for jobs on indeed.com or linkedin.

Since you are approaching 60 and not far from retirement age, do you know what is your state pension forecast? Have a look at the government gateway for state pension. Any shortfall ask your husband if he is willing to help you pay the NI contributions.

I retired early and I am quite contend becoming a housewife. I was hoping to give my daughter a sizeable amount from my overseas pension, so that she can sort out her private pension and retire early like me.

Do you feel that your situation is fair to your husband? He seems to be asking for some help with the family finances, rather than continuing to provide everything, even your personal spending money. He may be finding it difficult - you don’t say what age he is - and be worrying about the reduction in income when he retires. In your position I would be very concerned about my lack of my own money.

Biscuitmuncher

NotSpaghetti I think that's my problem it feels like a punishment

Don't look on it like that. Have you talked to your DH about this, rationally? Has he got money worries he hasn't told you about?

How are your computer skills?

One of my relatives worked in a plant nursery for a while after she left her high-powered job with stress. She found it very enjoyable and soothing.

NotSpaghetti I think that's my problem it feels like a punishment

Do some volunteer work first (as someone suggested earlier) to start to feel less anxious about it.

Why has something shifted at home?
Your adult children are at home still - are they thinking of leaving?

You aren't 60 yet - I did a degree in my mid-50s. Would you maybe enjoy that? Or look at your local college to see what they offer? You may find that having updated skills you will be more confident about a new career.

Is there a roll you fancy (I mean really fancy) - what would you have enjoyed all these years if you hadn't been busy at home,
Do you have a hobby that might have a work connection?

I don't even know if you are UK based. Pension will be different in different places.

I'd say, try to look at this as a bew adventure rather than a punishment. It may be life changing in a unimagined abd wholly positive way!
💐

Sorry to be a damp squib, but from reading Mumsnet for a year or two before Gransnet, I would, using their phrase ,"get your ducks in a row". Sort out your finances: State Pension, bank account, savings. Things we should all be on top of anyway.

If this is a sudden changing of the rules by your DH, then you need to shake up your rules as well.

And approaching 60 is a time to think what do you want to do for the next 5+ years. Lots of ideas already above. Time for a plan.

Please check your pension, you need 35 years for a full new state one.
You need to have your own money for independence in your later years.

The children must be adults, so yes, the rules have changed. My advice would be to get some sort of work to take some of the load from your husband’s shoulders and give you some money of your own. Do you know how much State pension you will get when you are entitled to it?

Germanshepherdsmum the children are still at home. It just feels like the rules have changed. I just wanted some advice on what to do, not get made out like I'm some parasite

Biscuitmuncher

Germansheperdsmum yes I've been more than happy and fulfilled at home

Don't apply for a shelf-stacking job. It's hard, physical work, I did this fir a while when my DC were small and it would have been difficult to work in the day-time.

Working on the tills would be preferable imo.

If you want to go out to work. It might be a good idea to build up a retirement fund.

Perhaps your husband doesn’t feel happy and fulfilled now that the children have grown up, he is the sole breadwinner and worried about the future. Have you considered your own financial security in the future?

Germansheperdsmum yes I've been more than happy and fulfilled at home