Need strategies to deal with ex-DIL

It sounds,fromyour various posts, as though your exDIL has been supremely adaptable and helpful with regard to both you and your son. But it's clear that something has changed for her.. I would bite the bullet and sell your property ASAP and allow her to move forward with her life.. The more you enable this to happen the better chance you have of maintaining a good relationship with her.. She is possibly avoiding you because she knows how difficult this will be for you to let go.and she probably feels guilt.. Make this as easy as possible for her and don't get into arguments.. You could all find it is the best choice possible and that it allows you all to grow and develop fresh interests...
it can't be easy for your son to rebuild his life as he probably needs some space alone as well.. I hope it works out..

Yes I’ve told her that I understand her need for autonomy and that I bear no animosity toward her and that I know we are not family but at least we have functioned as friends who have GS’s welfare in common. I am just overwhelmed by how suddenly this has come although she’s probably been considering this for awhile. The divorce was quite amicable and they cooperate well with regard to things that pertain to their son.

Perhaps she feels uncomfortable Nanamar, knowing that her decision will have upset you and that's why she's keeping her distance.

Have you told her that you understand her decision and that you always realised that this would be the case at some point?

How is your son doing with your daughter-in-law? You say "they" like a particular school.

Almost no grandparent goes sees their grandchildren every day and uou knew this time would come. It's probably good that the little one spends more and more time with their mum in preparation for a move. I'm sorry the change has come so soon.

You have been a great help and you will still be able to support your son in his patenting.

It sounds like your daughter-in-law intends to stay reasonably close. I suppose she could have decided to move hundreds/thousands of miles away.
Don't forget, finding the right place could take a while...

Having glanced at a previous thread, Nanamar, I see you expected this situation would happen at some time in the future but it has happened sooner than you expected.

It's not surprising, really, as the arrangements may have suited all of you at the time but your DIL must feel she's not moved on after the divorce and now the time has come where she needs to make a different life.

I do hope you can maintain a friendly relationship with her. Do try to talk to her calmly and with understanding.

Sorry for the double posting. Aside from the stress of moving again so quickly after landing here and my sadness about no longer seeing DGS every day once they move out, I’m also feeling that any affection or regard she seems to have had for me is gone - due to how she is acting with me. It’s like a loss of a relationship and I lost DH just three years ago. The house is in all three names so we’d share sale proceeds proportionally since most if the costs were paid by me. .

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Please excuse typos.

I'm sorry you are having problems and remember you posting before about your DS and DIL splitting up and that your DS suffered with MH problems.

Perhaps your DIL really feels she needs to make a break and to try to stand in her own two feet, make a life for herself and her son.
I do hope you can all move on but thst you will be able to maintain contact with your grandson as you are obviously very close.

Is the housexjust in your name? Is your DIL paying part of your bills? It does sound like a big property; can you all downsize to two smaller properties?

The best way is to try to understand your DIL and why she is doing this and try to maintain an amicable relationship.

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You let her move forward with her life and you move forward with yours

Keep things polite and friendly and make it easy for her and your son to co-parent well