Car seats and 2yr olds

Lynnypie I told my children, as they went through this phase, that I simply wouldn't take them with me.... anywhere! Do you have someone you can leave the child with? Also, I laid it on thick about how dangerous it is to travel unrestrained. Everyone wears a seatbelt in the car! My children would insist that I strapped them in securely. They were petrified otherwise and would shout, "Mummy! I'm not strapped in!" while I was busy strapping one of the others in.

My friends son's used to undo car seats and climb to the front from being very young, nightmare which norhing stopped. Her DG won't settle unless his IPad is strapped to the headrest in front, with Thomas The Tank Engine playing😃 might be worth a try

I had some horrendous times in the car as a passenger with my DD SiL and two GC . The youngest a boy as a toddler played up from London to Dover when we were going on holiday. He screamed cried and kicked me ( I was next to him) . All because he hated being restrained in a car seat . He hated it and they tried everything from bribes , iPads to music. He is seven now still hates long car journeys but just plugs into his ipad with headphones and plays games. He’s then hot wired for hours after they arrive! The other GC has been carsick most of her life and hates taking the medication! There’s not really much room for me now the GC are bigger thank goodness!

Who said anything about fights?

M0nica

*The Exwife* You gave exactly the reply I would have given to the comments in the post above yours.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car........ but the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to go in the car! It's a no-brainer for him!

Luckygirl you have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. If a child is being put in a car they are going somewhere, often somewhere they want to go. If the person in charge says 'Fine, then we will not go swimming/to nursery/ or whatever. The child has a choice. if they do nt get in the car they do not go where they want to go.

If they do not want to go to where they are going, then deal with that problem first, then deal with the car seat problem.

Car safety should never have any rewards attached to it, no matter how well hidden. It is a matter of life and death. There are events and places that can work with negotiation but car seats, like other personal safety measures are. parents/grandparents are in charge and they should be capable of making a clear division between what is and is not negotiable with a child and make it clear to the child. If the can't, are they safe to be in charge of a small child.

My response was to the OP - they are not taking the toddler out to a jolly (swimming, play park) that he wants to go on and he is therefore motivated to co-operate (or respond to the threat of not going) - he does not want to go!!!

It is not a matter of car safety having rewards attached to it!! - you are missing the point. It is about ensuring car safety by dealing with the situation in a way that a toddler can understand and respond to, rather than setting up a fight!

My grandson doesn't particularly dislike his car seat, he's simply very resistant to doing anything he's told to do in the morning when we are in a hurry - they can spot weakness!
I've solved it by travelling on the bus which is easier if a little slower.

One thing I find helps is to let the seat straps out to their full length before the child sits on the seat.
Put the straps loosely over their body, buckle up and then pull the straps snug until they're correctly fitted.
It's not such a claustrophobic wrestling match that way!

I've had parents on my drive trying to get their child in the car seat to go home for twenty minutes on occasion.
One lovely, but timid, dad phoned his wife at work to say he couldn't get the child to sit in the seat and what should he do? 🙄

On principle I don't interfere or contradict parents, but occasionally if I've seen they're struggling I've gone out and taken over, and told the parent it's ok to be the adult and be in charge. Car safety is not negotiable as others have said.

I've also talked firmly to the child in question the next day; they're not allowed to mess around in my car and they mustn't in Daddy's.
Some children kick off purely because they enjoy the drama. It makes them the centre of attention, especially if the journey isn't for their benefit eg taking another child to school as in the original post.

The Exwife You gave exactly the reply I would have given to the comments in the post above yours.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car........ but the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to go in the car! It's a no-brainer for him!

Luckygirl you have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. If a child is being put in a car they are going somewhere, often somewhere they want to go. If the person in charge says 'Fine, then we will not go swimming/to nursery/ or whatever. The child has a choice. if they do nt get in the car they do not go where they want to go.

If they do not want to go to where they are going, then deal with that problem first, then deal with the car seat problem.

Car safety should never have any rewards attached to it, no matter how well hidden. It is a matter of life and death. There are events and places that can work with negotiation but car seats, like other personal safety measures are. parents/grandparents are in charge and they should be capable of making a clear division between what is and is not negotiable with a child and make it clear to the child. If the can't, are they safe to be in charge of a small child.

I am a grandma of 6 and I understand this problem. A suggestion might be to get a doll's car seat and place it in the car, then the child's doll or teddy or other favourite toy can be strapped in by the child, before you strap the child in. If there are going to be problems allow double the amount of time, and try to stay calm.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car.

....... but the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to go in the car! It's a no-brainer for him!

The OP has to get him in the car in order to get the older child to school. The toddler has no vested interest in getting in the car at all!

I agree about being one step ahead but don't think bribery does that at all. Children soon latch on, if I create a fuss I get something.

I think I have not made it clear. The point of what I am suggesting is that the reward is not a response to the child creating a fuss. It is a stage back from that - it is one step ahead. You know that the child is not going to like it so you set up the reward before the fuss happens.

For a start, is it absolutely necessary to use the car to take GD to school?
As for chocolate treats.........not in my car, even adults don't eat chocolate there.
I would speak to the parents to ascertain if they experience the same behaviour and if so, how they overcome it; there's no point in you all having different strategies, the poor child will be so mixed up.
I do hope you get this sorted though, stressful driving is dangerous.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car.

He probably picks up on your lack of authority and knows he will get a bribe or a lot of attention.

M0nica

Have I ever tried to get an unwilling toddler into a car? Oh boy, have I!

But I did what I recommended here. I was the adult. I was in charge and she got into her car seat and she stayed there. After a while she go fed up fighting the inevitable and stopped playing up.

That's fine if you have the physical strength to do that. I have chronic pain and know exactly how the OP feels.

The reward could consist of giving them something to look forward to when the journey is over - "If you get into your seat nicely, we will play/watch/do xyz when we get back from dropping your sister off. I am looking forward to it. Which colour bricks shall we use/which programme shall we watch together/shall we go on the slide or the swings first? etc.?"

Yes, put that way it's not a reward, it's a distraction and chatting away helps them focus their mind on something else whilst you're strapping them in.

Good post Glorianny

Luckygirl3

M0nica

Luckygirl that is an entirely different situation. car safety can be a case of life or death or life-changing imjury. Highly improbable when walking a toddler in a push chair.

It is not about the situation but about the approach to dealing with helping a small child to do something they do not want to do, but must do. It is about grasping the abilities and understanding of a toddler and acting accordingly.

If you manhandle a child into a car seat with screams and wails and protests, how does this help her to get it right next time? You are just setting up a regular battle ground, which is miserable for all parties. A more gentle and understanding approach will prevent setting this up as a battle ground.

Much parenting is about being one jump ahead and grasping the capabilities of the maturing child. You know that your GC does not like being put in the car seat - entirely understandable in the mind of a toddler - so plan ahead. What might make it easier for him? - what might smooth the procedure. If that means that he knows he will get a small biscuit/other treat when he has successfully been strapped in then so be it. He will grow out of that need. The reward could consist of giving them something to look forward to when the journey is over - "If you get into your seat nicely, we will play/watch/do xyz when we get back from dropping your sister off. I am looking forward to it. Which colour bricks shall we use/which programme shall we watch together/shall we go on the slide or the swings first? etc.?"

I totally agree that children need clear boundaries, especially where safety is involved, but that does not need to include browbeating controlling behaviour from the adult. It is our job as adults to assess the child's capabilities emotionally and respond in an appropriate way.

Much bad parenting comes from the adults expecting more than the child is capable of understanding - projecting adult reasoning onto a small child. Rule number one is to put yourself in the child's place and proceed from there. It is hard for us to put ourselves into the mind of a child, but it is the key to good parenting.

I agree about being one step ahead but don't think bribery does that at all. Children soon latch on, if I create a fuss I get something. So they create a fuss. They are one step ahead of you.
A very firm voice with a refusal to shift on the matter works better. Along with the willingness to spend as much time as it takes to get the child into the seat. It does help if all the adults concerned take a similar view. It is difficult if you have to go to school and means setting out extra early until the child realises that you mean what you say.
Bribery just means the child stores up the idea that behaving badly gets you things.

M0nica

Luckygirl that is an entirely different situation. car safety can be a case of life or death or life-changing imjury. Highly improbable when walking a toddler in a push chair.

It is not about the situation but about the approach to dealing with helping a small child to do something they do not want to do, but must do. It is about grasping the abilities and understanding of a toddler and acting accordingly.

If you manhandle a child into a car seat with screams and wails and protests, how does this help her to get it right next time? You are just setting up a regular battle ground, which is miserable for all parties. A more gentle and understanding approach will prevent setting this up as a battle ground.

Much parenting is about being one jump ahead and grasping the capabilities of the maturing child. You know that your GC does not like being put in the car seat - entirely understandable in the mind of a toddler - so plan ahead. What might make it easier for him? - what might smooth the procedure. If that means that he knows he will get a small biscuit/other treat when he has successfully been strapped in then so be it. He will grow out of that need. The reward could consist of giving them something to look forward to when the journey is over - "If you get into your seat nicely, we will play/watch/do xyz when we get back from dropping your sister off. I am looking forward to it. Which colour bricks shall we use/which programme shall we watch together/shall we go on the slide or the swings first? etc.?"

I totally agree that children need clear boundaries, especially where safety is involved, but that does not need to include browbeating controlling behaviour from the adult. It is our job as adults to assess the child's capabilities emotionally and respond in an appropriate way.

Much bad parenting comes from the adults expecting more than the child is capable of understanding - projecting adult reasoning onto a small child. Rule number one is to put yourself in the child's place and proceed from there. It is hard for us to put ourselves into the mind of a child, but it is the key to good parenting.

M0nica I completely agree, toddlers cannot and should not be allowed to manipulate this situation. I wonder if there is a difference in strategy between those who provide regular and ongoing care for their grandchildren and those who care for the children less regularly? Our family has broadly similar and sensible strategies for dealing with these stages of toddlerhood and I wouldn't dream of chucking a spanner in the works just because I'm a grandparent and see myself as entitled to do my own thing. Which I don't as the parents are doing a damn good job of raising their children.
Children feel much more secure at this age when rules are clear and consistent.

Two ideas, singly or used together. One is to point out that everyone else is strapped in. The other is to say that a policeman might come and tell you off if your GS is not in his seat - if he's old enough to understand about policemen.

Does he find the seat uncomfortable? If so, is there a solution?

Luckygirl that is an entirely different situation. car safety can be a case of life or death or life-changing imjury. Highly improbable when walking a toddler in a push chair.

Oh, I draw the line at flogging.
Mostly.

Better a happy biddable horse than one flogged into submission.

Horses for courses.