Car seats and 2yr olds

I’ve a 2 year old GS and 5 year old GD and I feel your pain. It’s best if all parents and grandparents follow the same approach but where we differ is to say “Granny’s car/house etc -Granny’s rules”. If you resort to chocolate, toy etc then can I suggest rewarding the 5 year old first so set an example. Good luck

...you would have inadvertently made any parent feel a total failure with comments along the lines of ‘it’s ok to be the adult etc etc. ‘

Quite the opposite. My role is always to support the parents and encourage them to enjoy their children. Some parents lack confidence and find it very hard to impose any discipline at all, and they need to be reassured that it's ok and necessary.

One of my favourite pieces of advice to parents of unruly toddlers is always, "Get a grip now because in ten years time, when they're taller than you are, you can only keep control by bluff!"

Sorry Monica and some others here - we’ll have to agree to differ on this one - you can do things your way and I’ll continue to do things my way 😊

the child would look upon you as an authority figure so they are more likely to comply for you - rather than someone they can finally relax with be their true selves, a safe haven at the end of a long day and busy day.

Children relax and are their true selves with someone who they can trust to protect them and look after them. Children who can run rough shod over their parents and always have their own way, neither trust them, nor respect them.

How many threads have we had on GN from doormat parents deeply upset because their adult children disrespect them and treat them like skivvys.

That’s right. Nanas get to spoil their grandkids.

There's nothing wrong with parents or stand ins being authority figures when needed.

Children make a mess of "being in charge".

V3ra

One thing I find helps is to let the seat straps out to their full length before the child sits on the seat.
Put the straps loosely over their body, buckle up and then pull the straps snug until they're correctly fitted.
It's not such a claustrophobic wrestling match that way!

I've had parents on my drive trying to get their child in the car seat to go home for twenty minutes on occasion.
One lovely, but timid, dad phoned his wife at work to say he couldn't get the child to sit in the seat and what should he do? 🙄

On principle I don't interfere or contradict parents, but occasionally if I've seen they're struggling I've gone out and taken over, and told the parent it's ok to be the adult and be in charge. Car safety is not negotiable as others have said.

I've also talked firmly to the child in question the next day; they're not allowed to mess around in my car and they mustn't in Daddy's.
Some children kick off purely because they enjoy the drama. It makes them the centre of attention, especially if the journey isn't for their benefit eg taking another child to school as in the original post.

There’s some good tips at beginning here but it’s well known that toddlers invariably ‘play up’ for their parents or grandparents, the ones closest to them. Not sure what your role is - perhaps a childminder from what you say ? If so the child would look upon you as an authority figure so they are more likely to comply for you - rather than someone they can finally relax with be their true selves, a safe haven at the end of a long day and busy day. I’m sure the daddy in question was relieved that you were able to get the child into the seat so he could get off home but in the process you would have inadvertently made any parent feel a total failure with comments along the lines of ‘it’s ok to be the adult etc etc. ‘
I used to take two of my grandchildren to nursery at different stages - one got into the seat with no problem the other one was a total nightmare. If I hadn’t have bribed her I’d have ended up with a black eye from her flailing legs or a bad back trying to restrain her. It was so much easier and calmer to reward her good behaviour getting nicely into the seat with a few chocolate buttons, after a while she got in automatically without the bribe. That was a number of years ago - obviously she can’t remember any of that drama, she has turned into a well behaved loving young lady and doesn’t even like chocolate these days.

Saggi catching a bus is not a safety issue. sitting in a car seat is.

Calipso

M0nica I completely agree, toddlers cannot and should not be allowed to manipulate this situation. I wonder if there is a difference in strategy between those who provide regular and ongoing care for their grandchildren and those who care for the children less regularly? Our family has broadly similar and sensible strategies for dealing with these stages of toddlerhood and I wouldn't dream of chucking a spanner in the works just because I'm a grandparent and see myself as entitled to do my own thing. Which I don't as the parents are doing a damn good job of raising their children.
Children feel much more secure at this age when rules are clear and consistent.

I think the different strategies depend not on how often you provide child-care, but rather on if you did it professionally, as well as bringing up your own bairns.

Car safety, kerb drill, playing with matches, running with scissors and a great number of other things are far too dangerous for any responsible adult to allow a child to do.

Bribing children - how could you ever think of doing this? Do you really want to see your beloved grandchildren turn into adults who accept bribes?

Car seats didn't exist when I was a toddler, but if they had and I had refused to do as I was told, or indeed refused to do what I was told in the car, I and,I suspect, most of you ladies of my age (72) had her bottom smacked!

Now I am not advocating returning to smacking children, but I am totally with Monica and those others who managed to make it clear to naughty children that there are some things they cannot get away with.

A certain tone of voice, kind but decided, and the look that clearly says, Behave, or else! usually works. It has for me since I started teaching when I was twenty-something.

Trying to get the kids in the car sickness, I'd say.

Car sickness?

The car seems to be a real problem, from the vids I've just looked at.

Eleven year olds having tantrums, mums having to stop the car and cry at the side of the road.

Most examples are of older children, though, so not the same as a toddler.

youtu.be/2sorjfpOA0w?si=yAuotz8f0jojH2a-

Supernanny.

I’m so glad I don’t have a toddler to deal with. Teenagers instead…

Is it possible to walk to school or take a bus, I’m sure after a few trips he will change his mind regarding car seat.

I used to have a technique involving a scoop up, place gently into seat and then a pin down with my knee to make sure he remained bent in the middle to give me hands free to do up the straps. Sounds awful but done gently with practice it might work if you wear loose clothing and remain fairly athletic. Worth practicing without the child to make sure you are fit enough to do it risk free.

Have you checked the seat? Could be uncomfortable for him. My granddaughter hated her seat and we finally worked it out that she didn’t like her feet dangling. A seat with a foot rest solved the problem. If getting him in the seat is the problem, you could buy one that swivels so you turn it to put the child in and then rotate into the correct positi9n.

Lots of praise and clapping!

funab0nd fun and a competition!

Has autocorrect gone potty?

If it becomes more funab0nd perhaps a competition than a struggle it can work.

Presumably older DGC has to sit in a booster seat?
"Who's going to be first to get into their seat?"
"Which arm first - left or right?"

Sing a song, be cheerful but firm.

Bribery every time …..worked with my 2 year old granddaughter . Our problem was buses . We needed to be on them 2-4 times a day and I couldn’t be doing with it! So a tiny bag of cheesy things in my pocket did the trick . She wasn’t naughty or obstreperous , she was scared of them!
After about 2-3 weeks you could not keep her off the buses….she eventually had a fleet of different coloured buses and I spent hours playing with her and them . I even made bus garages out of shoe boxes. (good excuse for new shoes!)….the bribery did not turn her into a devious little so and so either. She’s perfectly well-rounded.
Your grandson is a baby at 2 …..find his weakness ….and bribe him.

There must be some way.
How about a treat for whichever child gets into the car without a fuss?
I'm sure I have seen supernanny deal with this before, but I can't remember now what she did.

M0nica

You are the adult - and a lot bigger than him. Tell him to get into his seat and if he doesn't, put you arm round him and firmly shepherd him into the seat, offering no opportunities to break away or get difficult.

Once he gets the message that he needs to get into his seat and you will not accept any messing around or doing anything else,iy will all get easier.

Nice suggestion Monica but I swear my 2 year old GS is stronger than I am. No way could I wrestle with him. DH is stronger than I am but he struggles. This child can help lift 50ltr bag of compost into a car.

My GS aged 2 has learnt to unbuckle his car seat harness. If he does this again I will turn his seat around so he is facing backwards which he hates. DH struggled to get him into his car seat as well. Took him 10 minutes.

I bought my gd a board book called ‘all buckled up’ by Andrea Zimmerman. It made an impression on her, but not so much on her little brother! It’s well worth a try tho. Available on Amazon.