Gransnet forums

Chat

In tears because of GD

(198 Posts)
YorkshireQueen Thu 29-Feb-24 18:51:11

I posted before and got some nasty replies. Hoping this subsection of the forum is kinder.
I have 2 granddaughters in very different scenarios yet they both still live at home at 31 and 39.
The 39 year old because she is single, on a low wage and can't afford to move out on a single salary where we live (London area) she also has autoimmune illnesses although they are controlled.
The 31 year old, works part time, has a partner and is in the process of buying a flat which we think will be accepted.
I posted before about my eldest GD acting difficult over the announcement that her sister was getting a flat. As in, she would stay upstairs and stay distant from the family. Well things have taken a turn for the worst. Her sister has also now got engaged as of yesterday, and we are of course overjoyed. Except, guess what. Her sister.
I went round yesterday and the whole family was overjoyed yet my eldest GD stayed in her room only briefly coming out to say hello. She didn't reply to the group text announcing it but apparently did send her sister an individual brief message. Today when I saw her she was civil but distant with me and it has just really upset me as feels like I am doing something wrong by being so happy for my youngest and the joy she is experiencing right now.

TinSoldier Sun 03-Mar-24 19:16:51

OP has said they have made an offer on a flat for £190K. With an £80K deposit they will need a mortgage of £110K which is £660 a month at 5.3% over 25 years. Take home pay on £23K is £1655 per month. On £9K it’s £700 per month. So GD2’s salary covers the mortgage leaving them £1700 per month for everything else. It’s doable.

Callistemon21 Sun 03-Mar-24 19:14:33

Cossy

YorkshireQueen

He is earning 23K annually so this is why they are able to buy. I explained this previously.

I’m so sorry, but you’re just going to have to report me too! Between them they are earning £33 pa? You genuinely believe that even with a healthy deposit they are going to be able to purchase a flat in the south east AND pay the mortgage plus all of their bills? Honestly what planet (or century) are you actually living in?? £23,000 for a full time job is very low! It suggests a low skilled role, which in turn suggests it will be hard to move up the chain at all. I’m just astounded!

We were discussing on another thread about nurses on a higher salary than that having to use food banks.

This pair are living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.
Or else he saw her (and her £80,000) coming.

I am Spartacus 🙂

MissAdventure Sun 03-Mar-24 19:12:51

That's a really poor wage, particularly for London.

pascal30 Sun 03-Mar-24 19:06:51

YorkshireQueen

He is earning 23K annually so this is why they are able to buy. I explained this previously.

I defy anyone to live on £23.000 with a mortgage (as stated previously to be near London) and a partner who only works part-time...

This really is getting ridiculous

Cossy Sun 03-Mar-24 19:04:34

YorkshireQueen

He is earning 23K annually so this is why they are able to buy. I explained this previously.

I’m so sorry, but you’re just going to have to report me too! Between them they are earning £33 pa? You genuinely believe that even with a healthy deposit they are going to be able to purchase a flat in the south east AND pay the mortgage plus all of their bills? Honestly what planet (or century) are you actually living in?? £23,000 for a full time job is very low! It suggests a low skilled role, which in turn suggests it will be hard to move up the chain at all. I’m just astounded!

BlueBelle Sun 03-Mar-24 18:56:05

YorkshireQueen

His parents I mean.
As for the illnesses. You do realise that many, many people work often fulltime with diseases such as my eldest GD's? She has had an awful time with both but is now doing extremely well. Many are really shocked to hear she has the diseases. Not everyone is laid up and incapacitated.

Gosh you have a heart of gold don’t you
Let’s just dismiss her illnesses in the need to dance our congratulations to a measly engagement
You just don’t get it at all we are ALL talking to the brick wall

YorkshireQueen Sun 03-Mar-24 18:51:28

He is earning 23K annually so this is why they are able to buy. I explained this previously.

Iam64 Sun 03-Mar-24 18:51:09

I have R A diagnosed in my early 40’s but dominating my life from age 25 according to the prof who finally diagnosed.
I’ve worked full time and managed flare ups alongside meds so I do know how disabling this condition can be - flare up out of nowhere and the patient struggles with stairs, walking, living an ordinary life,
We get highly skilled at managing auto immune conditions, which travel in groups usually. Hence people believe ‘not everyone is laid up and incapacitated”

I conclude either you’re not genuine or you have an empathy by pass

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 03-Mar-24 18:47:38

they have a big deposit

I think it’s she who has the big deposit - what does the fiancé have?

YorkshireQueen Sun 03-Mar-24 18:45:15

His parents I mean.
As for the illnesses. You do realise that many, many people work often fulltime with diseases such as my eldest GD's? She has had an awful time with both but is now doing extremely well. Many are really shocked to hear she has the diseases. Not everyone is laid up and incapacitated.

rafichagran Sun 03-Mar-24 18:42:03

Report me too, I agree with you 64

Iam64 Sun 03-Mar-24 18:38:35

I am not dismissive of my eldest GF and her illnesses. She is in a great place with both and it need et impact on her work or future

Seriously? Do you have the faintest idea what RA and Crohn’s disease mean for the person managing serious life changing disease.

Report away but I’m struggling to believe your posts are genuine

Kowl Sun 03-Mar-24 18:32:39

What a fuss about an engagement.

I would be like the elder sister.
It's a shame I don't know her, we'd get on well!

Cabbie21 Sun 03-Mar-24 18:31:50

I am even more confused. “ youngest still lives at home but alternates between there and her fiancés home where he still lives with his partner”??

YorkshireQueen Sun 03-Mar-24 18:28:37

With his parents I meant,
Both youngest GD and her fiance live at home but she alternates between the two homes.

YorkshireQueen Sun 03-Mar-24 18:25:31

Youngest still lives at home but alternates between there and her now fiances home where he still lives with his partner. When they got engaged she was at their house, hence the text.
They have a big deposit which will help bring down monthly mortgage payments. Their joint annual income of 33k is low but the deposit will help. They have put an offer in so it is likely to be accepted we believe.

Someone suggested upthread that my eldest GD come and live with me to take over the house after I pass. I said I didn't think that is likely to happen.

Nobody thinks that finding a man is the only way to live but it doesn't mean that it isn't lovely and that undoubtedly, it helps you progress in life if you live near London as we do and want to be independent.

I am not dismissive of my eldest GD and her illnesses. She is in a great place with both and it needn't impact on her work or future.

Callistemon21 Sun 03-Mar-24 18:19:50

Norah

Germanshepherdsmum

All this jubilation at a woman finding a man is reminiscent of Jane Austen - though unfortunately it seems it is not he who is possessed of the fortune (yet).

I thought we were beyond "finding a man" - perhaps it's not 2024?

“It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began. But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley.” Here, Elizabeth talks to Jane about her feelings for Mr. Darcy.

However, it's the DGD who has the £80,000 deposit!

Cossy Sun 03-Mar-24 18:09:04

rafichagran

Why all the adulation for the youngest Grandaughter,a 31 year old who managed to save money due to not paying her way as you previously stated on another thread.
She has got engaged, so what alot of people do. Her sister texted congratulatons what more do you want.
The eldest not only paid rent but helped around the house with two very painful conditions, it is her whose praises should be sung.
The youngest daughter on what you have said before earns 9k and works only part time, lives free of rent and bills she sounds like a freeloader to me.

To be honest, I’m still struggling HOW this couple ever think they’ll afford to buy a property with one of their incomes only being £9,000 and how on this income younger GD saved up £80,000?

It’s all so confusing, this entire thread is full of confusion!

rafichagran Sun 03-Mar-24 18:05:49

Why all the adulation for the youngest Grandaughter,a 31 year old who managed to save money due to not paying her way as you previously stated on another thread.
She has got engaged, so what alot of people do. Her sister texted congratulatons what more do you want.
The eldest not only paid rent but helped around the house with two very painful conditions, it is her whose praises should be sung.
The youngest daughter on what you have said before earns 9k and works only part time, lives free of rent and bills she sounds like a freeloader to me.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 03-Mar-24 17:51:14

It does. It just doesn’t make sense.

BlueBelle Sun 03-Mar-24 17:45:17

I don't think my eldest GD will want to live with me though
I don’t understand this I don’t understand the living conditions at all Why would the eldest need to live with you I thought she had her own room at home
Who lives with who this is so confusing!!!
Have the golden couple left already !!!
This gets more muddled every time I read it

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 03-Mar-24 17:41:46

So did I - but evidently this family is delighted to marry off one daughter. Maybe then life will be better for the other. One can but hope. Much has been made of their respective ages and jobs so I think this is a family which (at least in the OP’s generation) sees success only in finding a man rather than in working hard and contributing in cash and in kind despite illness.

Norah Sun 03-Mar-24 17:34:23

Germanshepherdsmum

All this jubilation at a woman finding a man is reminiscent of Jane Austen - though unfortunately it seems it is not he who is possessed of the fortune (yet).

I thought we were beyond "finding a man" - perhaps it's not 2024?

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 03-Mar-24 17:29:47

All this jubilation at a woman finding a man is reminiscent of Jane Austen - though unfortunately it seems it is not he who is possessed of the fortune (yet).

Callistemon21 Sun 03-Mar-24 16:56:08

Callistemon21

^and that youngest GD couldn't tell us all in person she was getting engaged as she didn't know how her sister would react so had to text us instead and both her and her fiance now feel they have to stay out more and not come to the family home as much because of her^.

They all text nowadays, even important news.

Now, that rang alarm bells to me. You said older granddaughter stays in her room so why is that a problem with younger DGD and partner visiting? After all they both lived at home for years.
Is he using that as an excuse to keep her away from the family? I do hope not, but it is something to consider.

So this younger girl lived with her Mum and Dad still, in a very small house but texted them to tell them she had got engaged?

What did they do? Jump up and down with glee (very quietly) then texted her back saying "Congratulations"?

I'm trying to picture the scenario but keep hearing "`Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice" in my head. 🤫