In tears because of GD

Ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis? Your poor older DGD. It might be under control but they are both extremely nasty conditions which could flare up unexpectedly at any time.

YorkshireQueen One of these conditions alone would be very difficult to manage both physically and mentally, but to have both together and be relatively young must be bloody awful. I think you’ve seriously underplayed her conditions.

Look, YorkshireQueen, I’m sorry I’m now so very confused! Has younger DGD and partner now moved out?
When she lived at home were there only two bedrooms?
Did both DGDs share a room?

Please at least explain the “old” & “new” living arrangements as I thought they didn’t have their own place as yet?

I just don’t understand.

YorkshireQueen

I will report all posts that accuse me of trolling as it is not fair.
All this with my youngest GD, the engagement and process of moving into a flat has come about very quickly. I have not amended my will to reflect this. I don't think my eldest GD will want to live with me though.
I think many here would secretly be upset if their eldest GD was the only one who didn't send an engagement card and that youngest GD couldn't tell us all in person she was getting engaged as she didn't know how her sister would react so had to text us instead and both her and her fiance now feel they have to stay out more and not come to the family home as much because of her. I don't see how anyone can say that wouldn't bother them.

To know as much as you apparently know - for instance, that the youngest GD couldn't tell you all in person that she was getting engaged - it sounds like you all do an awful lot of talking about your elder DGD behind her back.

I feel very sorry for her. It comes across as if her feelings count for nothing while her younger sister is very much the golden child

Elder GD wishes

In the shed.

Camped in the bedroom ??

So older DGD is in her bedroom, parents camped in their own bedroom, younger DGD and fiancé in the front room?

Where do you sit when you go round?

YorkshireQueen

Of course he isn't.
There's the issue of my eldest GD but also space. Not many spare rooms so parents usually end up camped in the bedroom while they have the front room. They often stay at fiances home but also not much space hence them looking for their own place.

Oh, I thought you meant popping round for dinner; you didn't mention their new flat was a distance away, sorry.

We are wasting our time, poster is not listening, she just wants validation.
I really like the sound of the older Grandaughter. She knows what you and the younger sister are like.
You are over involved,and crying for attention. One Gransnetter said discuss it with your friends, could it be you have and they told you you are wrong, so you seek validation on a anonymous forum?

Do you all live together ? You the mother, father and two granddaughters plus sometimes boyfriend Oh sorry fiancée
If not and you’re just visiting, you visit way TOO much you seem to know everything that goes on between the girls You sound as if you are way over invested, build up a life of your own with other things to worry about and let the girls sort their own difference out

PS Have you discussed the situation with your real-life friends? Ideally someone who knows the family and knows you - in the real world, not the virtual world of Gransnetters, who although we're here are not actually au fait of the actual, real situation, are we?

Did you want advice or did you want our support. You have had lots of advice and seem to have taken umbrage at anything which doesn't actually say "Yes, you are quite correct." What exactly, apart from that, do you want from us. If it's support, then you need to explain CLEARLY what the problem is. As I, and most of the other GNetters see it, the problem is your over-involvement in petty squabbles and your interpretation of your family's feelings. Does your younger GD really get upset at the lack of a card from her sister? Or is that what you think? Basically, is this whole situation down to your perception of something which the rest of us don't see as your problem. Also, as I've said before, how to the GDs parents see the situation? You've barely mentioned them ...

The more I read, the more I think the younger daughter is stirring it. Why would she involve you in whether her sister had congratulated her or not? Why do you put so much credence on the younger granddaughter's 'feelings'? I think you are being played here

Cabbie21 - 👍🏻

You’ll be telling us next that you think the elder daughter should sleep on the sofa or go away and give up her room to the new couple when the fiancé wants to stay over. Why on earth are the parents “camped in the bedroom”? It is their house!

I am not sure why you have posted on here as you have not taken on board the many comments made. It seems you just wanted validation of your point of view?
The comments you have received are opinions, from the limited information we have, but are almost unanimous.
You are taking sides. You are not treating your older granddaughter with the same adulation that you give to the younger. You are over- invested emotionally in the family. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is said as an impartial opinion, not intended as a “ nasty comment”.

Things may improve all round when they just visit, do you think?

Well yes that's why they are looking for a place of their own.....Yet they should feel able to visit whenever they like is my point.

Well, isn't that the way these things work?
Grown ups tend to want their own space once they're in a relationship, if not before.

Of course he isn't.
There's the issue of my eldest GD but also space. Not many spare rooms so parents usually end up camped in the bedroom while they have the front room. They often stay at fiances home but also not much space hence them looking for their own place.

YorkshireQueen

I will report all posts that accuse me of trolling as it is not fair.
All this with my youngest GD, the engagement and process of moving into a flat has come about very quickly. I have not amended my will to reflect this. I don't think my eldest GD will want to live with me though.
I think many here would secretly be upset if their eldest GD was the only one who didn't send an engagement card and that youngest GD couldn't tell us all in person she was getting engaged as she didn't know how her sister would react so had to text us instead and both her and her fiance now feel they have to stay out more and not come to the family home as much because of her. I don't see how anyone can say that wouldn't bother them.

Petulant..

I would be absolutely sure that the elder GD wouldnot want to live with you.. Just respect ALL the choices she makes..

If indeed this is a genuine post.. please feel free to report me

and that youngest GD couldn't tell us all in person she was getting engaged as she didn't know how her sister would react so had to text us instead and both her and her fiance now feel they have to stay out more and not come to the family home as much because of her.

They all text nowadays, even important news.

Now, that rang alarm bells to me. You said older granddaughter stays in her room so why is that a problem with younger DGD and partner visiting? After all they both lived at home for years.
Is he using that as an excuse to keep her away from the family? I do hope not, but it is something to consider.

YorkshireQueen

I will report all posts that accuse me of trolling as it is not fair.
All this with my youngest GD, the engagement and process of moving into a flat has come about very quickly. I have not amended my will to reflect this. I don't think my eldest GD will want to live with me though.
I think many here would secretly be upset if their eldest GD was the only one who didn't send an engagement card and that youngest GD couldn't tell us all in person she was getting engaged as she didn't know how her sister would react so had to text us instead and both her and her fiance now feel they have to stay out more and not come to the family home as much because of her. I don't see how anyone can say that wouldn't bother them.

1)
Where does the younger GD live if she “doesn’t feel able to visit the family home” ? Are they in their flat already?
2) You don’t necessarily send a card to your sister especially if she lives with you.
None of your business what passes between siblings anyway - these “tears” sound increasingly 🐊 (crocodile)

Never mind your tears, I expect your older DGD has shed a few in her time.
Why is life so unfair to some and others just swan through life with things falling into their lap?

YorkshireQueen

Eldest is not incapacitated. She has ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis but both are controlled well and you wouldn't even really know that she had them. Except she gets tired easily and has to pace herself but she has the ability to do whatever she wants. She needn't let these diseases hold her back.
I'm sorry but I do have an issue with my youngest feeling like she can't visit the family home. I do not favour the youngest but nobody is going to believe me on that.

I'm sorry but I do have an issue with my youngest feeling like she can't visit the family home.

I don't understand why not.
If the older sister stays in her room why can the younger and her partner not visit her parents?

Could you explain why?

Ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis? Your poor older DGD. It might be under control but they are both extremely nasty conditions which could flare up unexpectedly at any time.

I feel even more sorry for her now you have explained.

My best wishes to you and your admirable elder grand daughter who is understandably tying to accept her lack of success as compared with her sibling. I expect she will make good progress , as already she has accepted the situation as it is.
I do like her for being such a realist!

If you get a chance maybe you can say to her she is loved unconditionally.

Eldest is not incapacitated. She has ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis but both are controlled well and you wouldn't even really know that she had them. Except she gets tired easily and has to pace herself but she has the ability to do whatever she wants. She needn't let these diseases hold her back.
I'm sorry but I do have an issue with my youngest feeling like she can't visit the family home. I do not favour the youngest but nobody is going to believe me on that.