People who refuse to slow down in life

I am now confused.
I didnt realise that the age was so relevant.
What difference does it make if she is 60 or 80?

80, so it is wise to fit in everything you can.
60, so wise to slow down?

fancythat 60 is still young. I agree with petra. You should see the 91 year old at my sit fit class nothing stops her living full life or slowing down . She has had both hips and knees replaced broke both wrists 4 times ,rod in part of her spine. She's a marvel and still got all her marbles. I want to be like her if I live to 91. I am 66 next month.

Joseann

Interesting stuff.
My parents died young, but had a lived a fulfilling life. No point trying to conserve ones energies for a life that may never come. Pack as much in as possible.

I agree!
At twenty two, DH was told I wouldn't leave ICU alive. I'm still here, despite being told this a number of times, determined to pack in as much as I can.
Sixty is a mere babe in arms!

fancythat

Whiff

How old is this person? You say young but that's all relative. Some people think young is below 50 others 80 .

Didnt want to post too much personal stuff. But I will answer this.
60.

60 😂 I thought you were referring to someone approaching 80+
I think it’s your attitude to age that needs to change.

I do both, I work very hard, often harder than people half my age and I hate to have to admit I can’t do something that I feel I should but I m also not stupid and do accept sone help with heights etc but when I do sit down I m away with the fairies before you can say Jack Robinson whoever he is 😴and can snooze for England especially when waiting for a favourite programme !!!

Whiff

How old is this person? You say young but that's all relative. Some people think young is below 50 others 80 .

Didnt want to post too much personal stuff. But I will answer this.
60.

Interesting stuff.
My parents died young, but had a lived a fulfilling life. No point trying to conserve ones energies for a life that may never come. Pack as much in as possible.

I have ADHD.and I have always been the Duracell Bunny. I am not quite as non-stop activity at 80 that I was at 60, but i will keep going as long as I can.

My father lived to be 92, sound in mind although his body was slowing down, but he still cut the grass in his garden and he was still an active member of the committees of three local societies when his brief final illness struck.

I intend to follow his lead.

As my 93 year old mum said as she was dying …” die on your feet , or live rest of your life on your knees”.

Gundy I love my home and my life. I see where you are coming from wrt social moths, these are people who cannot find the way forward by themselves. Always appearing to be busy but only so they do not get to spend time by themselves, alone in their homes. Attracted to other people, the leaders who actually do take on roles and the work of organisation so that they attract the moths

I don`t actually need temporary `friends`, I have several siblings and we are all in touch every day as are my three AC and me. They are my true friends and we know each other warts and all

Being actively busy is really down to health, feeling well when you wake up, so that you feel like being naturally as active as possible. Not forced active

I love my home, love my cycling, love my hobbies. I was always taught that good health shows itself in enthusiasm

Gundy I can assure you I love my bungalow and had it done exactly to my needs. I have no problems sleeping . Since I moved to the north west 4.5 years ago it's the first time I get into bed and fall asleep instantly. And when I wake for the loo go straight back to sleep.

I love being in my home but I do 2 things every week . I do them no matter how much pain I am in or how bad my mobility is. One is my sit fit class and the other my craft group. Both make me feel better and made lasting friends there. I like to go out once a week just for a top up shop. Or if my daughter asks I go out with her and my grandson/ grandsons depending if it's school holidays.
I was born with a rare hereditary neurological condition and a hole in the side of my heart. So all my life I have been in constant pain and falls a lot. But my extended family never treated me as different. Going to high school that's when I realised I was different when I got bullied every day for 5 years.

I started being a carer when I was 11 when my nan was ill 2 aunts who didn't work looked after her in the week . I was taken to her house on the Friday and dad fetched me on Sunday. I loved my nan and it wasn't odd it's what you did in those days. I shopped and cooked for her and her loo was outside.

Met my husband in 1975 he was 18 me 16. He knew from the start I had health problems but he wanted me. When the limb jerks and the pain got worse in 1988 our children were 4 and 6 months . My wonderful husband just said we alter our way of life to suit you but the children would have a normal childhood and they did. From aged 29 I used a stick and when the children where young I went in a wheelchair as my walking was very bad and it was easier. I was a hands on mom did everything only thing I didn't do was carry my son as a baby up and down stairs and couldn't go out by myself. But I never missed an event the children did at school my husband and dad made sure of that. My husband adapted our home to make life easier.

I can assure I have always loved myself because unless you do how can you love others. I have faced my issues as you call them head on . I always thought I would died first but my fit healthy husband got diagnosed with grade 4 malignant melanoma in January 2001 and told he wouldn't live 5 years. After the cancer and skin graft on his face. Only me and the children knew he wouldn't live. He didn't want anyone to treat him differently or in his words dead man walking . He never slowed down and we lived our life as always . When he was terminal in October 2003 given 4 months to 2 years. Then he had to tell people . I had to tell my parents who loved him to bits not to treat him differently or he wouldn't see them . His own mother just said oh and continued talking about herself. My husband still worked but I had to stop him driving as he had 6 tumours and the 2 in his brain where by the optical nerve he was going blind. End of November he couldn't go to the office but still worked from home. It's what he wanted . He cut people out of our lives who treated him differently as he never wanted to be pitied. He wanted to get to his 47th birthday in 2004 he died 4 days later in agony unable to breath even on full oxygen at home with me and our children aged 20 and 16, I was 45 . I had to tell him stop we would be ok he died within minutes.

I lost half of myself the moment he took his last breath and haven't been whole since. He was and is the love of my life and still my husband. He was a wise man he knew what I needed to live without him and that was a series of promises which I have kept . The main one was live my life to the full. But couldn't do that until 2019. After he died within a year my dad's health got worse I helped mom look after him ,plus looked after my mother in law who denied she had a son or 2 grandchildren . But I am not the sort of person to turn my back on people who need help. I loved my parents very much but always hated my in laws for the way they didn't love my husband or give him the attention he needed. He got that from my extended family.

Dad died in 2007 aged 80. Mom became more depandant on me . Plus my mother in law . I hated that woman for 40 years but I looked after her and sat for 15 hours a day at the hospital for 2 days while she died in 2015 aged 91. He brother and sister in law turned up after she died. Not before.

Still had my mom to look after. She lived with me last 18 months of her life she had cancer and dementia. But I couldn't put my mom in a home. She was my mom and I loved her plus I knew I could look after her better myself. My brother couldn't cope with seeing mom's dementia kill her . My mom died 4 months before her body died and became violent. But it was fear anyone who has a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's will understand. They don't know who they are ,who you are or where they are. Dementia took everything away from my mom but the one thing she retained she always knew when she needed the commode . She always wore a pad but it was only like a tena lady she insisted in her lucid moments to wear one as she was frightened to wet the bed. My mom never wet or soiled herself. I am proud of the fact even when mom was bed ridden she never had a sore on her body I made sure of that. She died aged 90 in 2017.

I didn't live I only existed after my husband died our house wasn't a home without him.

But moving to the north west a move out 100 miles. I live my life to the full ,have neighbours who care ,friends I can rely on ,family close by and brilliant healthcare care . Finally had my neurological condition diagnosed in April 2022 and it's rare . Mind you my neurologist had my blood sent away to have my whole genome genetically tested in January 2020 but didn't get the results until March 2022. But he did put me on a tablet twice a day which stopped my limb jerks after 32 years and 4 months of seizures my limbs where still within 2 weeks and have been still since. In 2020 my GP sent me to see a cardiologist as my blood work showed heart failure. Had echocardiogram and bubble echocardiogram was born with a small hole in the side of my heart. I had to laugh when told as I have had 2 minor ops and 3 major ones all with a dicky heart. I have PAF but on tablets to help.

I have always faced any problems head on it's the way I was brought up . It took me 35 years for fighting to finally get disability benefits I should have had in 1988. And only because of the help of the Brain Charity and a solicitor they got me pro bono I went to PIP tribunal August last year after waiting form July 2022 for a date after PIP gave me zero on everything. But the tribunal which is a court awarded me enhanced living and enhanced mobility indefinitely and back dated until March 2022 which I asked for the PIP forms when I had the appointment to see my neurologist in the April as finally I had a name . I had been refused in the past as I was told no diagnosis no claim .

Gundy you feel sorry for people is laughable you have no idea what people do to live a full life . Think you need to look at your own life and stop being judgemental.

These people are not social butterflies, they are social moths. I have acquaintances like that - scheduling not just one event a day, but two… maybe trying to squeeze in a third.

I see them as individuals who cannot stay home by themselves, they don’t love their home, maybe find it hard to live with and face their issues, and insecure to the point that they seek acceptence. All to the detriment of their health, being chronically sleep-deprived.

They don’t want to stop and take time to think about their problems, lives, marriages. I feel sorry for them. Most of them need some help.

How old is this person? You say young but that's all relative. Some people think young is below 50 others 80 .

Your post has just made me become certain.

Because I am pretty sure she does not really want to die so young.
In fact, I am sure of it.

fancythat you are judging people on how they live their life. Why? It's their business not yours.

All my life I have put others first . When I had no one dependant on me anymore I put myself first and live my life to the full . I have health problems I was born with . I don't let my disability stop me living my life how I want to.

I don't tell people how to live their life why should you.

And know you will or someone will report my post . Thus proving my point freedom of speak is part of living your life how you want to . Just because I disagree with the OP judging others for living theirs.

I find it very difficult to slow down. Never been a sit on my rear end type person. I was heavily involved in competitive sports all my life and I miss it....so I guess not doing it is slowing down. It's called being sensible and knowing when to slowdown. Each to their own

Juliet27

I just wish I could speed up!!

Yes, same here!

I appreciate all the replies. Thank you.

undines

Honestly, why would anyone expect anyone else to slow down? It's the kiss of death!! Why not accept that's what your friend likes? It might be what's keeping her going!

It is likely the kiss of death the other way.
And quite soon.

Or at least more major long term health problems.

Although retired from full time work I still do casual work invigilating in exams at the school I used to work in. Today when I arrived for the afternoon exam one of my colleagues asked"Do you mind if I ask a personal question? How old are you?" I told her I was 69 and she seemed surprised. There had presumably been some speculating amongst colleagues and it seems I'm the oldest of our team. I believe that being busy and reasonably active keeps us young but we do need to know when to take it easy too. I've worked part time for the last fortnight as well as doing most of the social stuff I normally do except where there were clashes, but I've fallen asleep in front of the TV most evenings so I know I need to slow down again. My last shift is Monday morning then back to the normal routine until May when the Summer exam series starts.
I read an article about communities that have the greatest longevity and factors they have in common include 'Having a reason to wake up every morning is worth up to seven years of extra life expectancy' and 'Social networks of long-lived people support healthy behaviours' amongst other things.
It is a matter of balance. Being busy and keeping involved with our social networks means we have something to get up for every day and is good for us, but we must know when to take a break.

I’ve always been active and done things my friends wouldn't consider but since around. my last big birthday I’ve changed and feel quite tearful about it at times. I can’t keep up when I go out with my grandchildren for example, cannot shop all day my back aches after an hour or so, been known to drop off to sleep in the middle of a tv programme, the worst thing is the long walks I’ve done with friends literally means I can do nothing for 2 days after and I feel shattered and sometimes I don’t go for that reason. I’m being left behind by my younger friends and I didn’t see it coming.

Going downhill can be an uphill struggle and we all manage it the way that is best for us.

Very true. It's different for everyone. Different reasons, different ages. For some slowing down is a relief. For some it's anathema. For some it's not choice but necessity.

My friend describes her DM as a gadabout - she means her 94 year old mother won't stay in her chair resting as my friend wants her to. As far as I know her mother hasn't left the house/garden since Christmas.

You don't have to understand it. Just let them get on with it and don't worry about it.

No, it's just the way she is, Blinko.