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Passed away.

(252 Posts)
annsixty Fri 08-Mar-24 09:57:59

Once more today I have been told someone has passed away.
It seems nobody dies now.
Does it seem easier to say?
Don’t people like the word died?
It is used more and more.
Am I the only one who would prefer to hear that someone has died?
I realise I may be in a minority here.

Dizzyribs Mon 11-Mar-24 12:22:47

I don’t use euphemisms for death because I used to work with children and later with older teens who had intellectual difficulties.
They were all able to understand when someone had died, and learn that they wouldn’t see them again. They could be very sad, which is a perfectly normal, healthy reaction. It helped them grieve and remember good times.
When they heard that people had “passed” they expected them to return, like when the bus went past and later it would pass again. They would keep looking for the person over and over, then they’d worry about passing something in case they vanished forever. They could spend years expecting someone to return.
Referring to the dead person as having “gone to sleep” was even worse (yes, I know the religious beliefs for ‘the phrase) the child expects someone to wake up and be there for them- and as for a pet being “put to sleep” ! (Think how often we say we’ve put a baby down to sleep and how similar it sounds to a child.)

orly Mon 11-Mar-24 12:21:08

I prefer the euphemisms ....
Kermit has croaked
Jeremy Clarkson has bought the farm
R2D2 has gone to meet his maker
Stanley Matthews passed away
etc etc
any others?

Marthjolly1 Mon 11-Mar-24 12:18:50

I prefer to say someone died or is dead. Saying someone passed sounds like being
unable to acknowledg the truth.
We all deal with emotions in our way, no right or wrong. I will die. End of my life, I won't be passing into any other sphere.

Janeea Mon 11-Mar-24 12:17:51

I agree but my surviving sisters were horrified when I said something about an event that happened before our other sister died, they thought I was being harsh 🤷‍♀️

Frenchgalinspain Mon 11-Mar-24 12:17:43

From my point of view, "passed away" is less harsh.

However, it is a synonomous expression.

We are all free to select what is most comfortable.

Agree with Miss Adventure.

Alwaysaworrier Mon 11-Mar-24 12:09:13

I remember, as a small child, being told my dad had gone to heaven. I distinctly remember thinking how silly that was if he hadn't died. Just say it as it is.

Nannashirlz Mon 11-Mar-24 12:05:47

I came back from a weekend away and saw my neighbors son to find she died on Saturday I was only talking to her Friday morning. I’m always telling my lot one day I will die but never leave them I will always be floating over them my little grandson must have overheard us talking and told his teacher I was a fairy so now we don’t talk about it when he is in the house

Buttonjugs Mon 11-Mar-24 12:04:36

So glad it’s not just me! I also hate RIP. Dead people aren’t resting they’re gone.

Aveline Mon 11-Mar-24 12:03:12

Hmmmm. If I was told somebody had 'passed' I'd wonder what they had passed. A kidney stone? Maybe just wind?

mabon1 Mon 11-Mar-24 12:02:24

When I write a sympathy letter to someone (sending a card too impersonal in my mind but no objection to anyone else sending a card) I always use "died" because death is permanent, My husband died many years ago.

winterwhite Mon 11-Mar-24 12:00:46

Agree that 'passed away' is default use for undertakers. The French often say 'left us' in these notices which I like. Comments about Has he gone to the station would obviously be in very poor taste, as are the responses to I lost two husbands.

grannyro Mon 11-Mar-24 11:56:21

I have never used the phrase "passed" as I don't really believe we pass on to anywhere else but my adult son always says that someone has "passed". To me it always sounds like they just got their driving licence or succeeded at an exam!!

flappergirl Sun 10-Mar-24 21:41:26

I'd be more inclined to use the term "passed away" if I was talking to a bereaved person shortly after the event, especially if I wasn't a close friend or family. I would feel uneasy about saying "I'm sorry to hear your husband died". I'm not a twee person but it just sounds less brutal under already harrowing circumstances.

MissAdventure Sun 10-Mar-24 18:17:18

What has that to do with the term passed away?
I have no belief in anyone passing to anywhere else.

It's just a phrase.
Some use it, some don't.

Farzanah Sun 10-Mar-24 18:06:41

M0nica

Personally life beyond the pearly gates sounsds very boring, standing around and twanging harps for ever and ever.

I definitely want to die, not pass if that is what awaits me.

Me too. Knowing this life is probably all there is makes it much more meaningful for me.
The thought of living for eternity with some people………😱
What about those who have been married more than once and partners have predeceased them. The thought of two or more exes waiting at the pearly gates is mind boggling.

Grammaretto Sun 10-Mar-24 15:55:07

Well none of us knows what follows which I am glad of.

Grannynannywanny Sun 10-Mar-24 13:47:50

Slightly off topic but this thread has cast my mind back to when my son was about 5 yrs old. We were at my parents house and they were watching a royal variety show while my son was playing on the floor with a box of old corgi cars.

My Mum commented on the singer saying to my Dad “wasn’t it sad she lost a baby recently”. My son looked up rather puzzled and said “you’d think she’d be out looking for it instead of standing there singing for the queen !

SeaWoozle Sun 10-Mar-24 13:44:45

M0nica

Personally life beyond the pearly gates sounsds very boring, standing around and twanging harps for ever and ever.

I definitely want to die, not pass if that is what awaits me.

There are some people I would gladly haunt with some serious harp twanging until the end of time!

But yes, agreed, I think I'd rather die, than pass, move on, cross over - that one just reminds of watching all those faux TV psychics. I'd haunt them too!! 🤣

M0nica Sun 10-Mar-24 13:36:15

Personally life beyond the pearly gates sounsds very boring, standing around and twanging harps for ever and ever.

I definitely want to die, not pass if that is what awaits me.

nanna8 Sun 10-Mar-24 11:02:08

I quite like ‘passed to glory’ but it would assume the person was a Christian which might not be the right thing for them. I have heard ‘gone to glory’ or at least read it in newspaper obits. A bit old fashioned perhaps. Another is ‘reunited with his/her saviour’ which I have heard at church.

Mollygo Sun 10-Mar-24 09:22:06

We say passed away, or died or, quite often, we lost . . .
I’d be sorry to think I was upsetting someone with my choice of words, but it’s meant for my comfort, not theirs.

Allsorts Sun 10-Mar-24 09:20:47

I use died, but understand why people would say passed away, think it’s about passing from this earthly life to heaven for those that believe in it. Past over always reminds me of passing the parcel but of course I don’t let on. When I’m gone it’s not going to bother me but I do hope I’m remembered fondly.

Baggs Sun 10-Mar-24 09:10:14

I prefer died too. My eldest daughter has not passed anywhere except through a crematorium furnace. She died and that was then end of her life. Life begins and it ends.

We hang on to evidence of her life in remembrance.

Oldnproud Sun 10-Mar-24 08:59:17

...to come back briefly ...

Oldnproud Sun 10-Mar-24 08:58:16

I prefer 'died'. I am indifferent to 'passed away', and think that 'lost' is OK when relating someone's death in a casual way, to someone who wasn't particularly close to the deceased, as in, "I've just heard that Mrs So and So lost her husband a few months ago'.

Basically, I'm not going to lose sleep now over what people might say after I have died - although thinking about it, I could be tempted to come briefly for a gentle haunting of anyone who says that I have 'passed'. 😁