Do I deserve this treatment.

I'm not defending my unpleasant post either . I posted on the first page, and was very restrained in what I said.

I'm just not attacking others for saying things in their own way.

We call the meal we eat at 5pm, before the grandchildren’s bathtime, tea and especially in the cold months it often consists of a bowl of soup with toast, followed by a piece of cake or fruit. Could it be that the OP was invited for tea and because of how she fêted her own mother thought she was going to have a special afternoon tea rather than joining the family for a regular meal.
It is never a good idea to give money to your offspring, as outlined by the OP’s daughter, and then expect special treatment in return. I had to bail out one of mine to save them losing their house; they just about keep their heads above water now, certainly not far enough above to be extravagant with gifts. I get a “Love you Mum” message most days and am well happy with that.

Some people are just not very hospitable. I remember years ago visiting my brother’s MIL . We had been invited by the way! It was a boiling hot day and it was a 3 hour drive.

We were there about an hour and a half and she never even offered us a cup of tea or a cold drink. We just felt so unwelcome. We laughed about it for years afterwards. I have also been to houses where just as you’re leaving they say “oh sorry, I could have made you a cup of tea.”

Maybe the OP is like my Mum, you wouldn’t get over the threshold without her getting out the best china and biscuits or homemade cake! The milkman, postman, coalman always got a lovely hot coffee and a couple of biscuits.

Minerva

It could all depend on someone's definition of tea.
To some it might mean a proper dinner, to others dainty sandwiches, tiny cakes and scones with tea (or champagne)

To me "tea" when I was a child meant luncheon meat or tinned ham, salad, bread and butter, peaches and evaporated milk and always a home-baked cake.

When my DC were small it was always boiled eggs, bread and butter, fruit and cream and cake.

It is never a good idea to give money to your offspring, as outlined by the OP’s daughter, and then expect special treatment in return

I agree

I’m sorry you were disappointed that your daughter invited you to spend time with her and provided something to eat. I would have been delighted with only the former. You shouldn’t have complained to your other DD.

Never criticise one of your DC to another.

Primrose, the different ways people provide hospitality can be a cause for humour.
I am not a vegetarian, but I don’t eat red meat, in the days when we would occasionally go to my parents for lunch, it was always roast with beef.
She would pile everyone’s plate up, then go back to the kitchen and plonk a cheese sandwich down in front of me.
The children could barely conceal their laughter.

I can see how lady who posted is/was upset but after reading her daughters post sounds like she’s given and still giving but should feel ‘lucky /grateful‘ to receive an odd tea … lesson learnt don’t give your money away

sara1954 did you never say anything? 🤣🤣🤣

No. We just laughed a lot when we left.

I hated the whole mothers day scenario and being guilted by my mother - and boy was she a guilt maker!!! An arch mistress of the art. So glad when I moved to another city and my mother would nudge me that next week was MD.

Oh I will be away for work!

If I had had children I would never have put it upon them.

Maggiemaybe

Well it wasn’t “afternoon tea” by any stretch, Jollysailor - and I think most of us would have expected more from the wording of the invitation - but you said you were made welcome, and that’s what matters. The thought was obviously there. It was nice of you to turn up with gifts yourself, btw, and I’m sure these were appreciated.

If you’re new to GN, welcome. It should be a safe space to discuss things, and I hope you aren’t put off by the meaner comments on here. You didn’t show your disappointment at the time, thanked them for having you, and only told your other daughter about the day when asked. I’m pretty sure you will be asked again.

Yes there are some very mean comments.

Jollysailor…..Afternoon tea and cream cakes is what you get when you eat out in a restaurant and not what you would or should expect from your DD. I don’t think it’s as bad as you seem to think. It was nice to be invited out and not to be left on your own even if it wasn’t what you were expecting. It’s a shame you had tell your other DD that you didn’t think it was good enough. Your daughter is not you and she did it her way.

I got 2 lots of flowers but no invitations anywhere which was fine by me. Try to look on the bright side you could have been left to spend the day all alone but you weren’t.

Doodledog

I'm not defending my unpleasant post either . I posted on the first page, and was very restrained in what I said.

I'm just not attacking others for saying things in their own way.

I am.

I am chastised 😥

Callistemon21

I am chastised 😥

🚴‍♂️
I'm on a bike!!

Well for what it’s worth, I had a lovely Mother’s Day, well weekend really. Our son and his wife took us out for tapas at one of our favourite restaurants on Saturday, and on Sunday arrived with flowers and a lovely card. Our other son brought a candle, chocs, and a mug which said mummy. And a card. But we provided the Sunday meal, a roast and fresh fruit and cake, but like many others on here I would have loved to have my daughter and her children here too, but they’re in New Zealand. She did send a beautiful bouquet and a card that said we’re under the same stars via Moonpig. Bless her heart, and she’s going through such a difficult divorce at the moment too.

I do feel a bit sorry for the OP though. Obviously her expectations were too high.

Chin up Calli

MissA and Doodledog

My daughter and son live 5 and 6 hours drive from me. I would have happily eaten dust to have spent Mother's Day with them.
Practice gratitude it will bring you peace and happiness.

Foxgloveandroses

My daughter and son live 5 and 6 hours drive from me. I would have happily eaten dust to have spent Mother's Day with them.
Practice gratitude it will bring you peace and happiness.

Yes, circumstances vary. My son was on holiday and my daughter was working, so I didn’t see either of them, but I don’t think that says anything about the price of fish. I got cards and messages, which was lovely, but if I hadn’t our relationships would be exactly as they are. I love them both, and that is what matters. If they love me back, that’s a bonus.

At the end of the day it’s all about love.
Do you and your children love one another?
That’s the most important thing, as many of our grans on the Estrangement Thread will testify, because they feel their love is not reciprocated.
Gifts, flowers, cards, and sharing food are an expression of love, but they’re only one way of expressing love. Continual love and support throughout the year are the most important ways of expressing love.

I didn't get anything from my eldest son except a little text which said Love you mum.
That's enough.

Yesterday I received some beautiful flowers from DS who lives in Aus. The card read "To a wonderful mum from a forgetful son". I was thrilled as he usually remembers at the end of May that he forgot UK Mothers day, and my birthday at the beginning of May.

Yes , but not surprised.
They will no doubt have a ‘lightbulb’ moment at some stage.
If it happens frequently then time for a little chat, maybe something on the lines of ‘ ‘ have I upset you ‘ ?best wishes