Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

lily64

thanks - just moved and wasn't aware .

When I moved to the South-West I was startled to be addressed as "My Lover" by the man at the garage 😁

thanks - just moved and wasn't aware .

I think dear, my lovely or duck are just local vernacular.

Not demeaning comments by a man to a woman.

This seems to be a bit harsh but get your point. Try being treated as you are say over just over 60 and called dear or my lovely by women who are far older than you!

I was once told the same by a bus conductor, when returning from hospital where I had been given bad and worrying news.
When I’m told, ‘Have a good day’ at the supermarket till I try to stop this Americanism by replying, ‘I’m going to a funeral.’

As some people don't follow links, Dickens, I wanted to post the picture as an example of how women can be made to feel by men telling them "You'd be prettier if you smiled" or even "Cheer up, love, it may never happen", but it won't post.

I’m normally very smiley, the number of photos of me looking miserable on Facebook, etc, was my first clue that I might be depressed!

I've heard men say this to men. Definitely in a pub - and once on a bus - but the bus time sticks with me as they were friends and were very funny - I don't think this bus incident counts as they weren't strangers.

I've never heard women say it to strangers - and I'm not sure I've heard it for years anyway. I think it's an "older person's" statement. Well, older than me anyway!

Macadia

Some people are just awkward with their "hellos" but I think that comment thrown at me by a stranger would have hurt my feelings. Was that his intent? I would have remained silent. I would have responded in my head, "Cheer. Up yours". Witzend your response - though very direct - was appropriate and actually helpful to set his manners straight.

I've not heard random women say to other random women "cheer up" - nor men, to each other (unless they are familiar and it's a joke between friends).

This is entirely something that men say to women they don't know because it's a hangover from the days when women were passive creatures, expected to make men feel comfortable around them, and cauterise their own personality in order to please.

"Give us a smile, then"... "cheer up, love" - all superficially 'harmless' but because we didn't object, allowed men to become more personal and explicit in their unwanted attention... hence the cat-calling, whistling, and vulgar and sometimes abusive comments from builders on-site, car and van drivers, and just random men passing by.

It should be viewed for what it is. Archaic impertinence from men who still see women as adornments to their lives and who expect us to make them feel good about themselves when they are around us.

Some people are just awkward with their "hellos" but I think that comment thrown at me by a stranger would have hurt my feelings. Was that his intent? I would have remained silent. I would have responded in my head, "Cheer. Up yours". Witzend your response - though very direct - was appropriate and actually helpful to set his manners straight.

Callistemon21

I'm amazed that some women think that men insulting women is acceptable.

I never heard a man say it to another man.
Me neither, flappergirl.

I'm amazed that some women think that men insulting women is acceptable.

It's conditioning.

It's not that long ago we were 'taught' to be pleasant and passive around men.

medium.com/the-no%C3%B6sphere/women-should-not-set-themselves-on-fire-to-keep-others-warm-ff44bafd1220

... because we'd be so much prettier if we smiled...

This painting of "The Irritating Gentleman" perfectly encapsulates what this is about.

GrannyRose15

Poor man was wanting to start a conversation. We aren’t all experts at it you know and a lot of us can be a bit clumsy. Would you rather no one spoke to you? I know I’ve had some lovely conversations with strangers stating with inauspicious beginnings. Give the man a bit of slack.

... what's wrong "Good Morning" if the "poor man" wanted to start a conversation?

It is polite and civilised.

I think you might be missing the point - which is that telling someone to "cheer up" is rather rude, and something he most certainly would not say to another man.

If you want to start a conversation with a complete stranger, you don't do it by making personal remarks which are demeaning.

Women don't owe men a smiling face as they walk past them.

I'm amazed that some women think that men insulting women is acceptable.

I never heard a man say it to another man.
Me neither, flappergirl.

GrannyRose15

Poor man was wanting to start a conversation. We aren’t all experts at it you know and a lot of us can be a bit clumsy. Would you rather no one spoke to you? I know I’ve had some lovely conversations with strangers stating with inauspicious beginnings. Give the man a bit of slack.

He wasn’t wanting to start a conversation. At that time in the morning it would have been pretty clear that I was accompanying - at a fast pace - a 4 year old on her bike to the nearby pre school - his residential road is close by.

Thank you, everybody who’s supported me for confronting (politely enough) the tedious old git.

Jaxjacky

I’d have just laughed and said I’m fine thanks.

And then he’d think it’d be fine to say it to the next woman he doesn’t know from Eve, who isn’t wearing the sunny smile he thinks she ought to.

Well done @Witzend, and bravo for confronting him the next day.
I too find it very annoying when random men say things like this to me. I am not as polite as you were.

Good for you Witzend. I agree with everything Dickens said too.

It's something men used to do a lot and also started when I was around 12. Bus conductors were a favourite but just random men in the street as I walked to school saying "cheer up love, it may never happen". It continued throughout my 20's and 30's.

It's a manifestation of men's perceived ownership of women. The idea that they can make what is essentially a personal and intrusive remark to a stranger is part of their male entitlement. It used to make me so embarrassed and angry.

I never heard a man say it to another man.

It reminds me a bit of an elderly customer who threw a fit because my friend called him Young Man when she served him. After he walked she said "Right, it'll be miserable old git next time"

Well done you for telling him! Honestly why do they say that? It’s as if they think we should look cheerful for their benefit! A cheery greeting would be much better.

I would have justreplied thank you I’m fine.

I too would have found it rude if anyone, man or woman, had told me to cheer up.

It is at best inconsiderate, like all those people I had to phone in the aftermath of my husband's death, who politely condoled with me, only about 2 minutes later to end the phone conversation by saying, "Have a nice day now.!"

How could they be so crass? How can any newly bereaved person be expected to "have a nice day"?

I’d have just laughed and said I’m fine thanks.

rafichagran

I choose my arguments carefully now, some random old fella saying cheer up love would be water if a ducks back.
So much more to take seriously. I honestly could not be bothered with it.

I quite agree.

We need to be mindful of how much women, particularly now more than ever, have to put up with unwanted attention from men. Remarks from grown men of "the cheer up, give us a smile darlin'" started for me around 12 and went on and on certainly throughout my 20s. In some contexts it's predatory, but it is never less than rude, personal and patronising. Witzend was right to point out that man's unacceptable comment.

I choose my arguments carefully now, some random old fella saying cheer up love would be water if a ducks back.
So much more to take seriously. I honestly could not be bothered with it.