Amusing things that children say.

We were on holiday in Devon and DS1 aged about six made friends with another boy on the caravan park, he was a little older about nine. I asked DS what his friend's name was. To our mystification, he said 'Ears'. I discovered the next day when hearing the boy's mum call his name that he was called Ian.

After another day or two, DS1 was telling us about his adventures with his friend that day, 'You know, the spotted boy'. Ian had freckles...

When my eldest GS was tiny he got a bit muddled up with Harry Potter and computers. He used to call the computer the Harryputer.

A friend's son heard 'Thanks be to God ' as 'Thanks Peter God' so thought God was called Peter!

My grandson called a trampoline a 'Jumpingline'.

Taking DGD round a dinasaur park she kept asking why there are none left and I kept saying that they died out . Eventually she asked , looking bewildered , why did they dry out .
Being taken round the sights of Paris she asked her dad why the tower was called the trifle tower . She help me make trifles .

We stopped at a service station when my daughter was about six and when we on our way back to our table from a visit to the loo, she said to her Dad and brother 'the toilets were very nice and clean' in a very loud voice!

Oh forgot the other one we loved which was when he was given a smiths voucher from his granny and shouted "Look Look I've got a smiths vulture!! I like the idea of a row of vultures sat on the tills at Boots!! We liked that and one christmas I offered to do a couple of things as a christmas present and wrote a very bright Madeleines Vulture to present the offer!

My father was head of a Bristol primary school and one day clearly heard James in the front row reciting the Lord’s Prayer with the rest of the assembly but said “and lead us not in to Temple Mead Station but deliver us from evil amen”.

My son was about 4 and had been talking about a friend who had a new guinea pig and was quite excited about it. We then went on to have fish and chips for lunch and he said "Can I have some um guinea pig pleas e" We still sometimes ask for the vinegar and say pass the guinea pig please !

My younger grandson. at only 5, asked what a hypocrite was. His Mum explained that it’s a person who says one thing but does the opposite . It’s like lying . “ Oh,” he said” Like a police man . “Where that came from I don’t know as one of his uncles is a police officer.

When my DD was almost two she kept mentioning her Google , this was in 1975 . We were puzzled she love to sit on her grandads shoulders and hold onto his ears , he would jokingly shout ‘get off my lugholes’ . Lugholes is a scouse form for ears and that’s what she was trying to say😂. We should have patented it , she would have been rich now 😀

Having broken down in the car, we were waiting for the breakdown company to arrive. "Mummy when is the RAF coming to rescue us?" was my 4 year old's question

My DIL took her toddler out to a supermarket to buy some chocolates and wine for her sister's 34th birthday. All the way around the supermarket the toddler was chanting
"Auntie Jane is dirty ore" as couldn't pronounce thirty four.
She got some strange looks lolol.
Another time when seeing a lady dressed in a black burka for the first time her 3 yr old started shouting and pointing "look it's a moving post box"
Luckily the lady laughed and said don't worry to my very embarrassed DIL

Our little grandson came for a visit - he was about 3 at the time and had recently had a bit of a growth spurt. He came in and went running to DH's study to see his Grandad and get a sweetie from the jar on Grandad's desk as was his usual routine. Upon seeing him DH said "Goodness Joseph haven't you grown!" at which Joseph earnestly replied " Yes, Grandad I know! " DH asked him how he knew and Joseph replied "Well Grandad, when I look down, like this, [stands looking at his feet] my feet are further away than they used to be - so that's how I know!"

A few weeks ago my daughter called me to say that she'd taken one of our grandsons to A&E after the school had called to say he'd a bump on his head after falling in the playground. She said that the doctor asked him "Have you been sick since banging your head?" to which our grandson replied "No, I'm still 5". Aw, Bless him!

One very rainy wet day my granddaughter asked if she could go to the beach. When told the weather was too bad she replied that was why she wanted to go because it was always sunny at the beach

Countless funny moments during my years as a nursery teacher. One little girl said ‘ he’s waving his dick at me’ mortified we looked and it was his’ stick’ she couldn’t do her ‘s’s

My daughter was rubbing her hands along the windowsill in a tube train. I said to her look at your fingers their black, well have to wash them. Just at that moment a black man sat in the seat opposite her. She looked at her fingers then at him then said very loudly " that man's dirty mummy, wash him". Luckily the gentleman had seen her fingers and laughed. I did apologise to him. If that happened now she would have been arrested even at 2 years old.

It wasn’t until I was playing Hangman with my 8 year old daughter that I realised she thought handbag was actually hambag.

My daughter, then seven, had been learning about world religion.
"Today" She said importantly, "we learned about the difference between Caffolics and Prostitutes!"

My youngest in the car with his grandmother, 'we just got a caravan, nana!'
Grandmother, 'have you given the caravan a name yet?'
'Yes, the rolling turd', Nana.'

He later told us he really couldn't see why we'd bought a stupid caravan, what was wrong with a nice 4* hotel after all!

Accompanying some small children on a day out I asked one of them what she had in her sandwiches. ‘Lemon Turd’ she replied 😮

On taking my own son for a walk, he asked what the stones were outside a church ‘that’s a graveyard’ I said ‘oh yes’ he replied ‘that’s where they make gravy’ he assured me.

Oh gosh I have a few!

The first my daughter aged about 3/4 when out shopping, sat down and shouted, "I'm nit going into Marls & Spensives again!! Obviously it has always since been called that!

The 2nd, my schoolfriend was a primary teacher, in a not great area of Rotherham - she overheard some children in the play house say "let's play mummies and daddies; I'll be the dad, am working nights and going to rob some houses"!

The 3rd, young lad belonging to friends - playing I Spy in the car. "I Spy something beginning with J". The 4 adults just could not get it, an eventually gave in. "Jewel Carriageway, you lot are stupid!"

Same lad, his parents had some odd friends. Parents evening, his teacher told them that he had a remarkable imagination ... oh why they asked. He had written a very interesting story about his 'Uncles' coming for the weekend. They had a hearse, and they'd driven about in the hearse with a plastic skellington in the back. It was all true!

One day his dad took him to a football match for the first tine, and he had obviously been hearing much f'ing and blinding. One day some weeks later, his mum took him to a local cafe where she was well known. He asked to go to the loo at the other end of the cafe, and she told him to go. A few minutes later, the door opened and he shouted "mum, there's no f'ing toilet paper"! She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her!

My mother was looking after my DD who was about 4 at the time when they met a man my mother knew, he said hello to my DD and asked her name, she answered with her full name, age, address and telephone number. I think he laughed and said thank you , I know it all now.

Sports day at my godson's nursery. He was at the starting line with the other 3-year-olds for their running race.
"Ready, steady, go," called the starter. All started running except godson, who stood stockstill.
When asked why, his answer was, " I did no do the running because my feet are too slow."

essjay

A cheery thought from my granddaughter, aged 6, that when she is a mummy, I will be dead! not that I would be a great grandmother

Oh, you must be very old like me, essjay. When DGS1 was 7 and announced he was going to be a premiership footballer, I suggested he could buy me a lovely new house when he was wealthy. “With respect, Nanna”, he said “I don’t think you’ll need one.” I was 65 at the time.