Amusing things that children say.

Grandson to my daughter: "Mummy, can fish ride bikes?"
Daughter: "No, they can't".
Grandson: "But some bikes are cod bikes."

My DD did Gymelastics after school

When one of my daughters was small she asked if she could stay up late to watch the clocks go back!
When my GS was 6 , we went to see The Nutcracker. When the rats danced forth in a very loud voice he said, 'Are these the bad guys Granny?" and half an hour before the end . at the top of his voice, "I'm a little bit bored now Granny"!

My little grandson, aged nearly 3, was racing his cars with granddad. Granddad's car won and he shouted "that doesn't count." When asked why not he insisted " because I wanted to win" !

Many years ago, I was in the doctor`s waiting room with my 2 eldest, aged 5 and 6. The waiting room was long and narrow with small windows comprising the ceiling. The 5 year old suddenly piped up "There are 32 windows up there", and immediately everyone there looked up and began counting! Actually, there were only 24, lol.

It was a special day and gs had obviously sung the National Anthem at school. Rushed in the door and shouted to my atheist DD. Mummy Mummy you've got to believe in God now, because he saved our Queen!

Yesterday 3 year old GD spotted a squibble on the bird feeder.

when Gd was 4 she was at a&e after falling over and hitting her head. she was very upset of course but would not lay on the bed shouting the only place I lay down is in bed

I’m sure I’ve told you this but I was taking my leave of D,SIL and the little boys 5 and 2) quite recently and SIL said to the littlest “Come and say bye bye to granny”
He was most indignant “I bye byed granny ALWEADY” !

Many years ago we were being shown round a historic old church by an elderly lady volunteer who said to the children in the group: "This is Jesus's house."
As we walked past the toilet on the way in, my five year old son asked excitedly "Is that where Jesus does a wee-wee?"

Our granddaughter is 9, she finished school after her prize giving last Saturday, she had made a gift and card for teacher who was having to leave the school due to dwindling numbers in the lower school.
It was a case of last in first out.

GD adored her teacher and was so upset, after the prizes Miss X found my daughter and said she thought the card was hilarious and she would frame it.

Daughter looked concerned and said she didn’t oversee the writing of the card and should she be worried.

It said “Miss X you are the best teacher in the galaxy and I love you.
I am so sad you are leaving, it should be Mrs X as she is really horrible.

two not to 😡

DH, DD, DS and myself were caught in a tropical storm in a smallish boat between to Islands, it was pitch black and terrifying. I said more than my fair share of prayers, including going back to church when we returned home.

Two weeks later DH and all our boys were away together so I took DD to church with me. One of the ladies who had known her since birth (young wives club and toddler mornings) remarked it was so lovely to see her. DD’s reply in a very loud voice was

mum made a pact with God, if we lived we would come to floody church

I wanted to disappear through the floor 🤭

My daughter collected my 4 year old granddaughter from nursery and asked her what she'd done that day.

"We learnt all about tampons" said my granddaughter.

"Whaaat?" said my daughter, boggled by the thought.

"Yes" said my granddaughter, sounding a bit cross. "We are going to watch them and see when they turn into frogs."

Oh I could write a book, from my teaching career and when our girls were young.

This is a funny one from my first teaching post.
It was an open plan double classroom 74 5 and 6 year olds (no TAs then) and the teacher in the other class spoke very correctly.
She had been teaching the children to say may rather than can. This wouldn’t have come naturally to them at all. Many found it confusing.

One of the girls in my class approached me and said
“ Miss, please may can I do a painting?”
Rather than correct her, I replied
“ Yes R and what a lovely way to ask.”
Quick as a flash she said
“ Can a go for a p!$s first? “ 😂😂

Sounds better when told rather than written but still makes me smile now 40 years on.

It took me years to notice that my children used to say soupcase instead of suitcase.

I've just remembered taking DD into a cafe for a hot chocolate and she refused to sit down.

When I asked why she wouldn't sit down she said very loudly.
"I don't like it in here, it's covered in old people".

Numerous grey heads looked up from their cups.

Our eldest son, for some reason, used to call “Father Christmas” “Farmer Christmas” and would say “Happy Eater” instead of “Happy Easter”.

Our daughter would say “don’t like it, …” for example instead of “I don’t like Fish” she would say “don’t like it, fish” we still tease her to the day and she’s almost 27 haha.

Our (lovely) youngest daughter said very very loudly at 3, at her sister’s Church Parade, in front of some rather old ladies,

“I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU BROUGHT ME HERE, I DON’T EVEN BELIEVE IN GOD”!

I was mortified! Despite many ssssshhh’s she kept insisting, equally loudly, “WELL I DON’T” I couldn’t even take her back outside as other daughter was flag bearer and I was there alone with both of them!