Feeling adrift

One thing that will take you out of yourself and also connect you with your parents is to do your family history. The website which will provide virtually everything you need is Ancestry. Take a free trial and then do a month or a year. Best deal is Premium Membership for a year £69.99. This is well worth the expense. Back in the day we used to travel to London to manually search for this information in dusty old files and it took forever.

You can create a family tree and link all the records you find to the people in the tree. You will always have access to your tree even if you cease paying membership. All you need is curiosity and a determination to find things. This will keep you going for years!

Gentleshores you have revealed how much you miss your parents. It isn't too late to get some grief counselling. I also lost someone close during Covid and it still makes me cry.

I think you need to to reach out and find some support in your community that will help you get your mojo back.

It may take a lot less than you think, and don't think you are alone. There are so many of us!

As you like knitting why not join a knit and natter group I think most places have them much better than doing it alone for most, and no walking involved.
Just an idea

In our gardening club we have many members with mobility issues but they enjoy the talks and trips we arrange. National Trust often have mobility scooters for hire. Is there a reading group? Community choirs do not usually have entry requirements and singing is so good for your mental state. Ours has members aged eight to eighty five. Libraries need volunteers. Is there a local voluntary services co-ordinator who can give guidance on what is available in the voluntary sector?

gentleshores The key fact is that the only way out of your predicament is for you to do something about it. Saying nothing interests you is a bit of a cop out.

You may need to accept that to get your life up and running it may be necessary for you to sign up to something that doesn't light your fire at the moment but breaks the deadlock and means you get started on something. Once you have done that, it is surprising how often, the right thing comes along shortly afterwards.

Thank you pascal - those are lovely ideas. I'm not actually in a wheelchair but walking is very limited - I can potter outside the back of the house a little bit. Again it makes me realise that I need to be finding things of my own to do as OH doesn't really want to do anything! But then he has part time work. At one time I was happy just sitting in front of the TV knitting but sort of feel more restless now.

Buses round here don't seem to have ramps! They do have one of those minibuses you can call up and that one's accessible. Not quite the same as a regular service though.

Have you considered making raised beds in your garden so you could access them from your wheel chair? and if you have space a potting shed with accessible shelving.

Also U3A in my area have chair yoga.. if you have a local U3A you could ask if someone could set a class up..

Learning meditation or drawing/painting is lovely.. and I really enjoy reading if you have a local library..
They also very often have craft/knitting and other groups..

Sounds similar BlueBelle. My Dad was the second one to go and left a huge hole in my life. It was during the pandemic as well and didn't get to see him before he died (distance) - horrible experience. It was well over two years ago now and I've done all sorts but it probably has given me a bit of an identity crisis!

campaigning ?
i thought all buses had to have ramps.
isn't that a reasonable adjustment under equality laws.

I was very involved in Dad who was adrift after mum had to go in a home (Alzheimer’s) I visited mum every day after work and would talk to dad at least three times a day they were 90 and 92 so when they both died it left a huge hole in my life
I live alone I m not sure if I was depressed never have been previously, but I was certainly down and lacked any motivation until I found my current ‘job’ and never looked back

I was lost at first, I retired two years ago. I set myself the task of getting fitter I lost five stone and took up swimming. I took the time also to think about what I had to offer and have volunteered recently with a well known charity a new challenge! Take your time. Things will fall into place.

gentleshores

BlueBelle - I only just saw your post. I am sure there might be some kind of voluntary work I could do. I do some online but have realised that I sit too much doing online stuff and that doesn't help. I'd like to start something like chair yoga but don't think there's anything like that in my area.

YouTube is your answer Re chair yoga.

I don't think I'm depressed as such - just a bit adrift - really miss my parents! We used to chat on the phone every few days.

BlueBelle - I only just saw your post. I am sure there might be some kind of voluntary work I could do. I do some online but have realised that I sit too much doing online stuff and that doesn't help. I'd like to start something like chair yoga but don't think there's anything like that in my area.

When OH is working part time would be a good time for you to get out as well. Look up the choir in case it has started up again..or if another one has. Is there a nearby school where you could offer to hear children read? Are you chatty? Could you offer your time to Silverline? Could you and OH spend time each week in the area you have thought of moving to try every cafe there in turn? Look in the newsagents and see what's on their noticeboards. Clubs. Societies. Choirs?.

It's made me realise that some of it is probably confidence - steps everywhere you go - I can't do steps.

Thank you keeping quiet. I do meet a friend for a coffee now and then :-) Can't use the bus unfortunately - unless it has a ramp. Can drive occasionally. But can't walk when I get somewhere. Really don't want to use a scooter. It's made me realise though that perhaps OH is the one who is kind of stopping me doing things because he doesn't do much and likes to know I'm around!

Choir is a great idea. Thank you. I did join a singing group before the pandemic but it folded.

Choir? I'm the world's worst singer but would love to be in a choir if I could sing. It's good for you mentally & physically, you get to learn new songs,it's very social and I think there might still be some online choirs if you can't leave the house.

gentleshores I know exactly how you feel. I finished work just over a year ago and it has taken me a whole year to settle in to doing nothing. Of course I'm not doing nothing and neither are you-you have two other people living with you so I suspect you busy yourself with doing stuff for them, even if you don't think you are.
You have been used to doing things for people and once that stops it takes some getting used to.
It sounds like you really want to get out more- what is stopping you?
I can't give you any tips but here's what I did.
I went swimming. When that stopped because it wasn't working for me I went walking, every morning I made myself walk in my village for twenty minutes. I really enjoyed it but then had to have surgery and since then have stopped walking.
I wanted to go out and meet new people but then realised I could just look up some old friends and meet them for a coffee etc.
I use my local bus service to get around for nothing. Just getting out to my local town lifts my spirits.
I try to make the absolute most of every day, even if it seems like nothing to everyone else!

Thanks. I would love to go walking - that's part of the problem - mobility. I can potter about a bit but walking is out. Have to use a mobility scooter if I go out. I'm not eligible for knee replacements apparently.

The sorting out I started recently - and yes it's good to have a clear out. Then ran out of things to sort out!

gentleshores my mum and dad died the same year 6 months apart then my job went to part time, then it went completely I was over retirement age but had wanted and expected to carry on another couple of years . I was totally lost and although I didn’t recognise it at the time but probably got a bit depressed Then I found voluntary work and I’ve never looked back been involved 10 years I do about 20/25 hours a week ( my choice I can do as little or as much as I want)
I have a purpose again, made friends and feel useful

How about getting ready for a move by having a sort as Ilovecheese suggests. But do it like it's your job. Part time. So plan it and work every morning till lunch time. With just a coffee break. A room at a time and keep to it. Get rid of unwanted stuff as you go.
It will have to be done at some stage anyway. And putting your mind and energy to it will stop you feeling adrift or as if your life is drifting by. You sound as if you need a bit of a shake up. I mean it kindly. I am sure lots of us have been there...or are there.

You say you don’t feel very fit, I don’t either, am in a similar bind, so have decided to start going for walks, might join a local walking group but being an introvert that could be a tad tricky. However, walking is both free and will help you get fit again. Doesn’t matter where you walk, just set off and go wherever you fancy, pack a drink, occasionally take a break.
I did this a couple of years ago and became much fitter but gave it up due to family demands/dramas.
And if the social side matters to you then do join a walking group once you have moved, will be a good way to make friends.

I suppose I'm just used to looking after other people and now am not needed!