Visitors popping in on off chance.

My ex-inlaws would never ring to say they were on their way over, and if they did make arrangements, they would just never turn up, even one Christmas when I'd made up extra beds, prepared all the food, and the kids were waiting for them to arrive so they could open their presents - they just never turned up, and later just casually stated they couldn't be bothered! They expected everyone to drop everything for them at a whim, no matter what. But the final straw was when, in early January one year, they turned up with my DHs aunt and uncle I'd never met. I had 4 small children and was pregnant. My youngest was in a nappy (which he soiled just before they arrived!) with his breakfast down his vest, and I was in desperate need of a shower, and hadn't even put a brush through my hair. But I had decided that as the (real) Christmas tree needed to come down, I would chop it up on the lounge floor (as it was rather large) and clear up all the needles as quickly as possible, whilst putting a barrier of toy boxes and furniture across the room so that my little one couldn't crawl through the needles and hurt himself. Of course, that is when they all arrived! They could have phoned and said they were on their way and I'd at least have had 15 minutes to change the dirty nappy and put clothes on us both (the other children were luckily all dressed and washed). Consequently, I always wondered what the aunt and uncle must've thought of me and wondered if that's how we lived! I spent their whole (long) visit (where M-in-law expected me to wait on them all AND didn't lift a finger with the children either AND trying to 'entertain' in a lounge where you couldn't get to half the chairs due to the huge mess), uncomfortable, embarrassed and couldn't concentrate on being sociable. And they'd given themselves time to wash, dress, have their breakfast etc at their leisure, and arrive looking their best, but didn't give me the same respect!
And I might add, we're all different and cope differently with things, and yes, of course there are reasons that unless you know a person well enough to know how they feel about these things, it is rude and actually, rather unkind to just turn up with no notice when notice could easily be given.. I am an introvert and find socialising quite difficult, but I can cope so much better if I can mentally prepare beforehand. Why should someone expect you to drop everything at their whim just because it suits them, with no regard to if it suits you?
Of course, my AC and families are always welcome at any time, but we know each other so well. It's people who know me enough to know how difficult I find it, but who still expect to just drop by when it suits them, and don't even have the manners to ask if I'm busy, and just expect me to cancel any plans, that really upset and annoy me.

HattieTopper1

I must be honest, I hate people just dropping in on me I think it is bad mannered. I also have a friend who peers through my window and taps on it shouting yahoo, I am here. She comes all the way from Doncaster to do her shopping in my town then decides to come to me for lunch because she is too tight to buy her own.

The last time she came I was up to my elbows in painting the garden gate, wearing old clothes, had not had my morning shower as I was going to get one later after painting. I had to drop everything and start preparing lunch. She ate her meal and then said, I have got to go now and off she went.

I installed a security camera in my front window and attached it to my tablet so when I see it is her I ignore it. Then she rings me to tell me she stopped by and I said I was out and she had to ring in future before coming, but she never does so I never answer the door to her. I call her my friend but she is just someone I know through someone else who has now moved away.

I am mean aren't I.

You are not mean at all. Back in the 80s, an old retired boss of mine was guilty of ‘popping in’. My husband and I had become friendly with him and his wife when I had worked with him and we all spent many happy meals etc together. He adored our young children and called himself their third granddad.
All was fine until he retired. I was a shift worker so home a lot in the day and he, having nothing to do, I assume, kept dropping in. When the four of us were together, it was fine, but on his own he was incredibly boring! It stopped me doing my housework etc. and became really annoying. He particularly liked it in school holidays when my young children were home. Although they were very fond of him, they got fed up with his visits too as they usually interrupted some plans we had for going out. I didn’t dare use this as a reason for not letting him in though, as he would just have tagged along too!
The worst part was when a friend told me someone had told her that a man visited a lot when my husband was at work! I was mortified.
I can’t remember exactly how I put a stop to it, but probably didn’t answer the door several times in a row, which maybe dropped a hint. (I had repeatedly asked him to phone to make arrangements before just dropping in but it fell on deaf ears). Why are people so thick-skinned sometimes?

I'm not at all keen on people dropping in. It's thoughtless. I don't do it to others and don't like it done to me.
(This does not apply to children and grandchildren of course).

By contrast when I was younger I often used to gatecrash social occasions and turn up in places where I was not specifically invited. Even as a mature student at uni I did it - pushed myself into all the occasions where it was postgrads and lecturers. When you are in your 40s you dont want to go to undergraduate parties. Nowadays Im not interested in social events,

I'm not keen on ad hoc visits. To be honest, I haven't been keen on them since I was much younger. I still work full time so that perhaps has a bearing on it but only to a degree.

I love people dropping in , I never have minded , but the kids remember me hiding the papers and other rubbish under the sofa !

I would not dream of calling on someone without making an up front arrangement. With todays technology there is no excuse.

Unexpected callers get to stand outside my house and ring the bell. Its motion activated and will alert me even if they dont press the buzzer. The only time it gets answered is the postie/courier and the guy who delivers my medication. Everyone else, including the king, can bugger off if they come without an appointment. Mostly I can tell when packages are coming and Im out to meet them before they get out of their van.

I have a very stern notice on my door to this effect so no cold callers/religious/sales/ political etc. They occasionally still try and get ignored. If I do answer I tell them I am on the phone and away in Liverpool visiting family. Thats the great thing about these little mobile devices.

"Your breaking up. I cant hear you!"

A couple of times in the past some bl***y neighbour has ambushed me in the garden when I only went out to put something in the bin. Now I wait til after dark to do it, They probably think Im a vampire. Hahaha

Yes I am very anti social but I run a business not a lonely hearts bureau.

I have memories from my childhood of the doorbell ringing unexpectedly, and one of us going to answer it while the rest frantically tidied up the sitting room.

There’s hospitality and there are unreasonable expectations… maybe I have known too many ‘bad go-ers’?!?

Kim19

I'm somewhat shocked/saddened by those of you who require notice of a friend
/family visit. Whatever happened to good old hospitality? Obviously if one has a previous engagement arranged then that cannot be broken but otherwise I can 't see a single reason for not downing 'tools' and being sociable and a kind hostess for a short spell. Sure, it's sometimes 'inconvenient' but what's a little inconvenience in the grand scheme of things? Sad really........

Good point Kim - and some people complain of loneliness.

Can’t have it both ways

mrsba

I'm an untidy madame! so prefer notice of visits so I can tidy up, I feel more relaxed to enjoy the company, rather than worrying about the dust/doghairs and books and magazines all over the place!

Me too!

Prefer a text or a call but main family can come anytime.

dragonfly46

My MiL used to love dropping in on people and dragging us with her. We once dropped in on a teacher who had taught my DH. He wasn’t in but when his wife went off to make us tea my MiL realised she had got the wrong house!

Very funny !!

I'm somewhat shocked/saddened by those of you who require notice of a friend
/family visit. Whatever happened to good old hospitality? Obviously if one has a previous engagement arranged then that cannot be broken but otherwise I can 't see a single reason for not downing 'tools' and being sociable and a kind hostess for a short spell. Sure, it's sometimes 'inconvenient' but what's a little inconvenience in the grand scheme of things? Sad really........

I don’t mind at all, but I quite often get phone messages after somebody has tried, as because I’m in the garden I don’t hear them - and they don’t think to come to the back gate to see if I’m there.

When our two eldest children were little, we often would drive to see my mum's sister and her husband. They had no children of their own, and I did so love my aunt Win. She was such a gentle soul, but it would upset her that she hadn't had time to 'tidy up'. There was nothing to tidy, and I always used to say, we came to see you, not the house.
But now, after all these years, I am feeling guilty that perhaps she didn't want unexpected visitors at all. Knowing her though, she would never have put off a visitor.

One of my mother's old friends used to visit my father on the same day every week just as we'd sat down to lunch .
I'd offer her some .
She'd refuse and drink tea .
She used to try to cause disagreements between us .
She also would gossip and disapprove of her other friends .
I discovered that she had a visit planned for every day of the week with a rigid inflexible timetable.
One day , she complained that so and so was moving so that's my Wednesday slot gone so it means that the heating has to go on .
Her husband was very rude and unpleasant .
On one occasion he ruined our evening out .
Finally when she made my father cry I decided that enough was enough .
And no more visits .

We didn't miss her .
I'm friends with one of old friends and she also had the same experience.

My kids can pop in. Everyone else needs to make arrangements.

My MiL used to love dropping in on people and dragging us with her. We once dropped in on a teacher who had taught my DH. He wasn’t in but when his wife went off to make us tea my MiL realised she had got the wrong house!

Apart from Adult children and their families of course, their welcome anytime day or night.

No I hate it it’s one of the reasons we left our home town. Parents, siblings, friends and neighbours calling in all hours.
We moved five mile away, now we get a text first. Much better.

I don't think anyone should feel like they can't see friends... But a quick text would be great "I'm passing, are you free?"

For me that would give me time to locate that one comfortable bra I own and do this morning's washing up lol

Gummie

I love it when people pop by unannounced but it rarely happens these day. When I was younger it was normal. Most of us didn't have phones.

Friends don't expect to be entertained and my home isn't a palace so happy to have a friend to chat to or join me in whatever I'm doing.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

I lived alone although not lonely for twenty years of my life( demanding job, good social life) but if my friends and relatives had not "popped in " , physically, or telephoned (on landline) , sometimes at inconvenient times , then I wouldn't have had much of a life at all. We made arrangements in advance to meet as well of course but the tapestry was varied.
I was always glad to see my friends.
Everyone seems more demanding these days. It must be a text not a phone call/ you may_ never_ phone on the offchance ........
I think people are a bit spoilt these days. I suppose many people have never lived alone and so may take company for granted.

I am sorry to read how many of you dislike uninvited guests.
It's made me feel that I shouldn't knock on someone's door if I'm passing.
There was once I used to be annoyed when I was working from home on a Wednesday and a woman I knew made a point of calling that day because she knew I'd be home.
She didn't appreciate that my work was important. That wouldn't happen now that we all know about working from home.

I loathe it and most people I know wouldn’t do it. Years ago when the children were small quite a few people used to call round first thing in the morning and especially on Sunday morning with their kids. I would smile and put up with it. (Usually in my dressing gown). Now I realise it was to get out of the way of whoever was cooking the dinner etc. 😡😡

I now tell my friends I am available anytime after 1pm. 🤣