Gransnet forums

Chat

How good are you at sorting out your life's belongings and how do you decide what to throw away?

(108 Posts)
JaneJudge Wed 07-Aug-24 09:45:23

I moved house recently and we were downsizing to a smaller house which we are not planning to ever move from. We had a huge skip on the drive and my husband was absolutely ruthless and threw away so much stuff that couldn't be passed on to the charity shop.

Now we are here we still have too much stuff. We have had the loft boarded out and the past few weeks I have been trying to sort out a room at a time. Yesterday I had to go through the photographs and children's crafts and nursery records, apart from our youngest our children are adults, yet I've kept them to put in the loft in case they want to look at them in future confused I've put their special teddies in another smaller box and their baby shoes. My husband thinks I am too soft and I need to be more ruthless.

I just wondered what you all did? I don't seem to be able to let go of things.

Nan231 Wed 07-Aug-24 14:57:20

I'm not too bad with hoarding. I do have a couple of teddies from when the sons were little.
We have some of their toys and games as well,but the grandaughters have played with those.
Now, great grandchildren are joining the family, so all the toys will eventually be played with again.
Now, when it comes to photos, ican't face them, there are so many.

Cabbie21 Wed 07-Aug-24 14:48:45

We cleared out a lot when we downsized 11 years ago, but kept far too much. I have spent the past 12 months getting rid of DH’s stuff. Everything that is saleable has been sold, a lot has been given away, but I am taking an August break from the task.
Meanwhile there’s my stuff! I am currently going through old teaching materials, now that the youngest grandchild has done his GCSEs, but I still find it hard.
I think I must make myself a weekly timetable, and stick to it, as I have lots of stuff to sort, filing cabinets to go through, photos and family history to sort.
I know my children won’t want the job, but they may want the family photosand may need some of the financial paperwork, so onward and upward!

teachkate Wed 07-Aug-24 14:39:43

I’m definitely trying to embrace the Swedish concept of death cleaning as I know our children will not want our (mine really!) junk. The items we have in our home are our memories not theirs so I know if I don’t dump stuff they’ll hire their own skip.

NannaFirework Wed 07-Aug-24 14:35:37

Give the grown kids their baby stuff ! Why should you have to keep it all taking up space…
Maybe keep one pair of shoes or special item?

teachkate Wed 07-Aug-24 14:31:48

There’s a great app for getting rid of those books - Ziffit - you scan the isbn, they’ll inform you if they want it and the amount they’ll pay. Some books are worth more than others, but once you’ve scanned your books you just box them up and they’re collected for free.
Keep zapping the books they initially rejected as often they’ll take them a week or so later!

Cossy Wed 07-Aug-24 14:25:46

Granmarderby10

…hmmm, now books are another thing though🥲

Second hand book shops? We have two and all read books get passed to friends first then donated to the book shops.

M0nica Wed 07-Aug-24 14:18:30

I had a peripatetic childhood. My father was in the army. At the age of 21 I calculated that I had had one permanent address for every year of my life, and that the contents of my boarding school trunk apart, everything I possessed would fit into a very small box.

As a result, I am not a hoarder, not that I am a minimalist either, but I can say that I have never been a loft-storer. Christmas decorations and suitcases apart, nothing goes into the loft. It goes out.

Other than our loft almost everyroom has drawers or cupboard shelves that are empty - however we do have a large 4 b4droomed house, so we do have qquite lot of furniture.

Our main problem is books. They say 'books do furnish a room' and in our house virtually every room is so furnished.

Our house is on the market and we are planning to downsize, but not excessively and what I am doing is sorting one room a week. First I go through the contents of every cupboard and drawer and decide what to keep and what to go. I am actually finding that fairly easy. I just consider what I am likely to use in our new abode, allow for a few things kept for sentimental reasons, or because I know other family members want them - then everything else goes out. I then make a provisional list of furniture to go, the final decision will depend on the house we buy.

The biggest hurdle will be the books in the living room - and we have started on that and it is proving remarkably easy. Most novels are now on our kindles and poetry. I have already built a large anthology on line of poems I love and I am only keeping poetry books if they are collections that I browse through quite regularly.

The problems will arise in our study, where DH and I have large academic collections of books and deciding what to go and keep when most contain information not readily accessible online will be a problem.

Cabowich Wed 07-Aug-24 14:10:45

We're downsizing, too and so far I'm being fairly ruthless, but my husband is still insisting on taking all sorts of stuff with us 'in case we need it' - I'm talking about planks of wood, old melamine slabs, rusty tools - you name it, he wants to take it. It's not as if he's physically able to make a cupboard anymore!

Anyway, I have thrown lots of mementos away - son's first tooth, daughter's first lock of hair, their early medical records, old birthday cards - a heart-breaking task. But as I reasoned, most of it had just been transferred from attic to attic over the years, had never been looked at, and the boxes even smelled of damp. So out they've gone.

I've just had one regret so far and that was throwing out my son's last day at school shirt with all his classmates' good wishes and funny comments written on. I stupidly put it in the wash to get rid of the damp smell, but when it came out, the comments had been washed off, so I ended up throwing it out. I wanted to show it to him when he visits from Australia in the New Year. My daughter saw hers, and she said it brought back some great memories.

It is a difficult task.

Pittcity Wed 07-Aug-24 14:08:11

cookiemonster66

my rule is "have I used/touched this in a a year?" nope then it is gone! after leaving a 20 yr relationship with only my clothes in bin bags I soon realised that all that clutter is only 'things' I can live very minimalist now because I don't want 'stuff' because other things are more important in life

Same here. DH is the opposite but has a garage and a shed!

Nothing ever goes into the loft to be forgotten about.

MissInterpreted Wed 07-Aug-24 13:59:30

I'm a bit of a hoarder - OH is exactly the opposite, but we have been having a bit of a clear-out following on from having to clear out his parents' house last year and being horrified at the amount of stuff they had. It was quite sad in a way, as there were bags full of brand-new clothes, some still with the price tags on, and many things which had been given as gifts but never used.
Oh, and we do still have the Silver Cross pram which my MiL bought for my husband - he will be 66 this year!

knspol Wed 07-Aug-24 13:54:55

Large house and outbuildings. I know I might well need to downsize soon but so much of the stuff belonged to my late DH and at the moment I haven't even been able to take many of his clothes to the charity shop as it's too upsetting even after more than 2 yrs. I have got rid of quite a lot of other stuff which was collected by the local hospice but seem to have come to a standstill with it all now. I don't even know what some of the stuff in the garage is for let alone if it might be needed.

lixy Wed 07-Aug-24 13:52:06

With you all the way nipsmum. Having cleared two relatives’ houses in recent years I want things to be as easy as possible for my children, paperwork more or less in order and as little stuff as I can. However said children do insist on giving presents despite being asked not to many times - how many ‘throws’ does one person need?!

nipsmum Wed 07-Aug-24 13:42:57

My oldest sister hoarded everything. She would throw nothing away.
I don't have a hoarding problem.
20 years ago I moved to this little one bedroomed home and have done my best to hoard nothing. I don't want my daughters to have to deal with it when I am gone.
Throw it out now, no one else wants it or needs it.

Calendargirl Wed 07-Aug-24 13:39:20

Callistemon213

MissAdventure

I've known quite a few people who have kept things for "their children", only to find their children aren't the slightest bit interested in them.

Mine keep saying that yes, they do want stuff but not yet .....
I'm tempted to fill a crate and ship it off.

I have a friend who still has adult daughters’ ‘stuff’.

They have their own homes now, so if it were me, I would insist they looked through their ‘stuff’, and take it with them. Or get rid of it if not.

Surprising how the mind focuses if it’s cluttering up their own home, and suddenly not so necessary to hang onto.

But as long as it’s at mum’s.,..

Polly7 Wed 07-Aug-24 13:34:02

I've cluttered in 2 house moves but more to do. Congrats to the brave declutterers! 😊. It can depend on your mood! I've not done bad I'm doing clothes next they say if you haven't worn it for one year it has to go but I'm not sure who they are! And I don't quite agree with that. I think a lot of us though save things just for that one occasion, that one time when it may be useful for a 70s night ha ha or fancy dress ! My three children have had no interest in sentimental things. It was quite a shock. I have kept a few as I think as they get older they may have a change of heart. Some people are so good at not accumulating clutter. It depends a lot on your circumstances and also your Upbringing, what did your mum do? I had a Scottish mum who was quite savvy Thrifty by nature some of it is in your blood! At the end of the day, I don't want somebody else having a big job of getting rid of my clutter!😊

Siope Wed 07-Aug-24 13:32:43

Moonwatcher1904 sadly, most secondhand books are worth very little, and it’s very unlikely a dealer would bother to visit for relatively few books. There are some modern authors whose books (mainly good condition first editions) are valuable though - so it’s worth checking some online sales (not buying) sites for any you think fall into that category

For the others, if you have a good secondhand bookshop near you, you could take in a list of the books, with ISBN or date of publication, and condition and see if they are interested/would pay for some of them.

Otherwise there are various online sites, where you can put in details of the book and they will offer you a price. This one offers instant valuation, and pre-paid labels and collection but you have to provide boxes. Other sites are available. St don’t, in all honesty, expect a lot of money.

www.webuybooks.co.uk/how-it-works/

Joseann Wed 07-Aug-24 13:25:24

* getting rid of

Joseann Wed 07-Aug-24 13:24:50

I think it's quite normal to have a good clear out when you move house, and then another one when you arrive in your new place. It's almost like letting go of the past and starting afresh. Of course, my excuse is that I need new furniture too!
Occasionally I regret getting of items, particularly sentimental ones, but on the whole I'm pretty minimalist.
I find our GC are more interested in looking at things from their mummy and daddy's childhood than our children are themselves. Especially photos of all the old pets!

cookiemonster66 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:55:36

my rule is "have I used/touched this in a a year?" nope then it is gone! after leaving a 20 yr relationship with only my clothes in bin bags I soon realised that all that clutter is only 'things' I can live very minimalist now because I don't want 'stuff' because other things are more important in life

Moonwatcher1904 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:50:31

I have a jewellery box that was full of stuff. My daughters not interested so I've boxed it all up along with a few other bits and pieces to send off to Vintage Cash Cow.
I've also got 2 bookcases full of books. My DH wanted all the books from a particular author and most of them have never been read. I've reference books etc. Would love to get rid and get money for them but not wanting to take them to a charity shop for nothing.

Redcar Wed 07-Aug-24 12:46:24

I’m finding it very hard to get rid of stuff. After my DH died, we had a skip and disposed of a load of old garden stuff, and car stuff from days when DH used to repair the cars himself. We haven’t attacked the garage yet, it contains loads of old diy tools. We don’t know what some of them are! Another skip will be needed I think. My DDs are quite good at sorting their things when they’re asked!
Books are another matter & I hate getting rid of them. Need to bite the bullet & get on with it all instead of procrastinating!
Good luck everyone!

mabon1 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:40:50

A new Silver Cross coach-built pram is the better part of £4,000.00 these days.

Starof1972 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:33:27

I'm doing ok with this I feel. It's definitely an ongoing process though and I have to pace myself carefully as my hands don't work very well.
I find it so cathartic but have a huge problem with the number of photos I have on my various platforms - Onedrive, Amazon, Google etc. I need someone to come and physically help me with this as I don't have a clue!
I'm afraid that, if I delete photos from one platform, I'll lose it in the others. Wish I was more tech savvy but at least I've got the house mostly organised thought it's taken me the best part of two years.
Good luck with it all everyone!

Dancinggran Wed 07-Aug-24 12:30:17

I just think - I don't want my daughters to have to wade through mountains of things once I'm gone and that is an incentive.

Grandmotherto8 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:18:16

I'm with your husband on this. Ruthless is the only way. I moved about 7 years ago and had a good chuck out/charity donation then. 7 years on I'm doing it again. I don't want my kids to have to chuck out/donate skips worths. I quite enjoy looking through drawers and cupboards, coming across things that meant something to me but nothing to my kids so get rid. I've told them that if they want anything to come & have a root round. They're not bothered!