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Absent friend

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GrannyIvy Mon 12-Aug-24 20:16:53

We have a couple of close friends who have moved 10 minutes away from us. I hoped we could have days out together now we are all retired. However her daughter who lives close by has taken up fostering and has two small foster children as well as her own two aged 9 &,5. My friend has to support her daughter full time it seems for her to do this so we cannot meet up and do things together anymore. I am feeling cross that she cannot live her own life at all. She is worn out and tired all the time. Her daughter is really needy and selfish always has been. I never see her anymore. I was trying to arrange a day out together but apparently she is unavailable until schools go back.She has to check in with her daughter before she arranges anything She is on call to her daughter all the time. My daughter needs support being a single mum and I help out but I always have time for my friends and time for me. I am cross with my friend and just letting her get on with it but feel hurt and worried about her. What do others think? Her husband isn’t happy but keeps quiet. Do I just leave her to it and concentrate on friends who want to see me. Just feel sad but she lets her daughter control her. She is recovering from cancer treatment and not 100%

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Doodle Mon 12-Aug-24 20:28:21

How your friend chooses to spend her time is up to her. I can understand your disappointment but instead of being cross with her, if you think she’s so tired, could you suggest that you meet up and take the children to a park or something.
Schools will be going back soon and maybe she will have more time then.

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Cossy Mon 12-Aug-24 20:31:03

Don’t lose touch, she clearly means something to you. Stay in touch via phone or messages and try and get a meet up, though not as frequently as you wish thanks

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pascal30 Mon 12-Aug-24 20:39:47

cherish close friends.. she sounds like she needs some support from you...

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Tuaim Mon 12-Aug-24 20:47:16

Live your best life but still have time for your friend when she needs you. As it is a newish situation probably best to let herset the pace. I find as I get older I am becoming more of an observer/enjoy the moment kind of person or else I would end up being offended over a lot of stuff. I just let it go and pop up positive.

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Esmay Thu 15-Aug-24 11:20:31

It's up to your friend .
Nothing that you can do without upsetting her and making her feel pressurised to continue your social life .

Just be there for her when it goes pear shaped !

One of my friends did the same to me .
She used to be great company until her daughter demanded full time care at her house five days a week from 8.00 - 6.00 having driven
there .
The melting point came when the daughter wanted a third child .
Sadly , my friend became grumpy and morose .
I ceased to enjoy her company as I never knew when I'd be snapped at .

Just treasure the happy memories .

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Theexwife Thu 15-Aug-24 11:31:26

If your friend really wanted to she could and would say no to her daughter, especially as she is having treatment for cancer,maybe she complains about it to you rather than saying she prefers it to meet-ups.

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