Wrist slapping

*They just seem to lack awareness of how much upset they cause to other posters who just want to engage civilly in interesting conversations without having to tolerate blistering put downs, extreme grumpiness and hurtful personal comments*……and picking up on spelling mistakes in a sarcastic manner

MayBee70

Imo ( or should I say in my naive opinion) being a moderator is a pretty thankless task. I hadn’t realised that the moderators on gransnet were inexperienced.

They aren't all that way, but some obviously were. We don't see as many, now that Mumset do the moderating.
There was a young male moderator (can't remember his name), who was mercilessly teased by posters.

One notorious and infamous poster succeeded in getting a whole group of regular posters banned. Eventually, HQ realised she was fake and she was banned. Thankfully, the others were reinstated.
I would hate to be a moderator, it is a thankless task.

I find it less stressful now to stick to the more mundane and boring threads. It is safer. 😉

I no longer post on any thread about politics. That board is way too toxic for me.
I had a post deleted for extremely minor reasons in my opinion ( no personal attack ) so that was it for me. I’ve seen posts a 100x worse not get deleted put it that way!
I’m not sure, but I think you’re banned if you have a certain amount of deleted posts.
So if someone ( or a group of people ) take a dislike to you & your opinions, reporting a post that’s even remotely ‘not in the spirit’ will probably get the post deleted.
HQ probably try and ‘keep the customers satisfied’ so if one person is getting reported a lot, they probably will ban them.
I could have literally reported about 5 posts a week on the politics board but I didn’t.
I’ve only reported about 3 posts in 5 years.

GN is a much nicer experience now I’m not posting on the politics board.

May I jump in here please?

I haven't been a member for very long but generally, I've picked up some tips, had a bit of a giggle from time to time and have been pleased to find some like minded people who share the same day to day frustrations and issues.

A couple of times I've posted in sheer frustration when I've been trying to deal with all the utility companies and tradesmen with whom I seem to have been bedfellows during a long and not so simple house move. It's been good to let off steam!

There have been a couple of times where I have been patronised and been treated to the "I know much more than you do and my opinions are fact" behaviour.

I've also walked away from threads that are politically driven which seem to attract a few posters who are racially - or otherwise - prejudiced in plain sight.

I've been intrigued by long and complicated posts detailing all manner of family conflict and intrigue only to find 5 pages on that the OP has never returned to make any comment. Make of that what you will.

Sometimes typing on a forum what you're saying in your mind doesn't quite translate. We miss inflections and nuances in the written word that we would pick up with the spoken. What may seem like an acerbic comment may not have been intentional.

I am a lone 70 something. My children don't live close and I have no siblings. It's nice to pass a bit of time on here when the days seem a bit long and never ending.

We're all different and what may upset one person may be water off a duck's back to another. We're not all kind to each other 100% of the time, although I'm sure most of us try to be.

But it is easy to perhaps be less than perfect in expressing our opinions when we can hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard.

So if I ever say anything that offends or upsets I'm happy to have my wrist slapped.

ferry, 👍

I take your point Marydoll, I’ve seen that happen and it’s very unpleasant when people pile on and target somebody.

I reported somebody a couple of days ago though for a serious personal attack on another poster. I said I’d done it, because I think we’ve got a responsibility to do that if we report somebody. We can’t know their personal issues, but I don’t think, whatever those issues are, that’s an excuse for calling somebody else horrible things.

Raps over the knuckles by other posters are commonplace though, we all get them if we wade in, we’re all different and some are more sensitive than others to that. There wouldn’t be any conversation without disagreement on some topics though - I don’t think that is bullying, bullying is a when one poster attacks another on a personal level rather than about their views. I’m interested to hear if others think we shouldn’t report personal attacks, I’m quite content to let anything else stand but that’s always been my personal line, and I’ve now reported three times in the eight years I’ve been on Gransnet.

I belong to a Bridge club. Out of a large membership there are a few of the long standing more experienced members who are snappy, bossy and difficult to play with. They have no awareness that their behaviour is not acceptable and that they upset people. Then they are surprised that they have difficulty finding a partner to play with when their regular partner is unavailable. Someone did tentatively mention to one of them that maybe they needed to be less argumentative but just got a 'nonsense, I'm not argumentative' response.
Gransnet can be a bit like that. "Nonense, there's no bad behaviour/ganging up/bullying on here. I've never experienced it. Some posters are just too sensitive " whenever the topic comes up.

Some wise posts on this thread. I feared it would escalate into something else.

Casdon, I tend to agree with you. If I see a poster being bullied by personal attacks, after consideration, I usually report. However, I state that I am reporting and am certainly not a grass.

Maddyone I was looking at the Education site yesterday and see GSM is posting there.(exams topic )
I think this post is a brilliant idea and hope it reassures those who are worried.I also hope that it is read by all .

Gransnet can be a bit like that. "Nonense, there's no bad behaviour/ganging up/bullying on here. I've never experienced it. Some posters are just too sensitive " whenever the topic comes up.

Just because one hasn't experienced it , doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

If I have offended or upset someone, I'd much rather they came out with it and told me. The only time I've ever reported posts was for obvious scams - with one exception. A while back, there was one poster who clearly had a problem with me and took it so far that it became constant harassment, to the extent that I came off here altogether for quite some time. I don't mind a good robust debate, but there will always be someone who crosses the line into personal abuse - and that's just wrong. It's not a question of anyone being 'too sensitive', it's just unacceptable. We're all adults and should be able to debate and disagree without it degenerating into insults or abuse.

ferry23 - my thoughts exactly! I feel I could have written that post as it resonates completely.

westendgirl

Maddyone I was looking at the Education site yesterday and see GSM is posting there.(exams topic )
I think this post is a brilliant idea and hope it reassures those who are worried.I also hope that it is read by all .

If it's the same exams thread I read, unfortunately I think it was an old thread which was revived, and GSM's comments were from 2022.

Fortunately I have a disposition that doesn’t get offended at personal remarks aimed at me. I have a little chuckle 🤭

What does make my piss boil is the double standards between GN&MN.

For me the litmus test for wrist slapping is when I get that 'cold feeling' that goes through you if say someone severely reprimands you in a shop or your own home. It takes a couple of days to get over. If someone does that to me I avoid them in future like the plague. Using civilized words does not take much effort but, I feel, nowadays, people just launch forth and type to strangers what they would not dream of saying in real life.

The cruelty of some posters astonishes me. I remember a poster who was clearly very distressed about the care a seriously ill family member was getting in hospital being severely told off by a poster who took umbrage because her daughter is a nurse and she didn't like the profession being criticised.

I have seen similar examples of complete lack of compassion and no seeming awareness that the person on the receiving end of these remarks was a real human being with feelings and emotions. Not just here but on other forums as well. Some people just seem to lose all humanity when they get in front of a keyboard.

If anyone slaps my wrist on SM then I slap them right back, tho I do try and think if there’s any merit in what they say, but if not and it’s just a dig, then right backatcha is my motto.

Unfortunately though a certain type of poster just becomes totally incensed at being treated in kind, and will follow you around threads for daring to challenge them. Sometimes backed up by a couple of henchmen. In my opinion anyone who does that should receive a permanent ban.

merlotgran

I suppose it depends on how you define wrist slapping. It can be hurtful but I’d rather somebody took a swipe at me publicly so I could deal with the issue, than pressed that blasted report button - which is getting rather too much use at the moment.

I agree!

Please nobody needs to leave!

Marthjolly1

Maddyone - I had wondered where GSM had gone. She has always been so generous to anyone who needed some legal advice. She will be much missed if banned. I do hope not

I too am wondering what's happened to GSM. I'm missing her input already..

I can slap back, but some posters are less robust.
As for the comment about grasses. I expect that that from my Grandson who has just finished year 6, not a adult. It is not nice for a poster who is followed or harassed, if it happened to me I would post, oh it's you again, why bother, to me you are water of a ducks back.
I don't like reporting, but on one occasion I did, when a poster was openly racist.

JaneJudge

Please nobody needs to leave!

How I feel too. Miss people who've gone.
In terms of news and politics I'm hoping that when there is more to discuss it will get better.

Oreo

If anyone slaps my wrist on SM then I slap them right back, tho I do try and think if there’s any merit in what they say, but if not and it’s just a dig, then right backatcha is my motto.

I do like the cut and thrust of debate on news/politics, of course arguments can become robust, which doesn’t bother me as long as people are voicing their opinions or trying to engage intelligently with the topic. But the cheap digs, the one liners, that are not engaging with what posters are trying to say but simply aiming to insult them are really irritating.
Will agree to disagree in such a debate because it isn’t a contest to prove who is right.
I agree therefore with what you say but generally don’t resort to digs directed back at the culprit because in my experience they then carry on ad nauseum.

Only been posting a short time and have had several wrist slaps already. Not aware of having dished any out yet.