Wrist slapping

ferry, 👍

May I jump in here please?

I haven't been a member for very long but generally, I've picked up some tips, had a bit of a giggle from time to time and have been pleased to find some like minded people who share the same day to day frustrations and issues.

A couple of times I've posted in sheer frustration when I've been trying to deal with all the utility companies and tradesmen with whom I seem to have been bedfellows during a long and not so simple house move. It's been good to let off steam!

There have been a couple of times where I have been patronised and been treated to the "I know much more than you do and my opinions are fact" behaviour.

I've also walked away from threads that are politically driven which seem to attract a few posters who are racially - or otherwise - prejudiced in plain sight.

I've been intrigued by long and complicated posts detailing all manner of family conflict and intrigue only to find 5 pages on that the OP has never returned to make any comment. Make of that what you will.

Sometimes typing on a forum what you're saying in your mind doesn't quite translate. We miss inflections and nuances in the written word that we would pick up with the spoken. What may seem like an acerbic comment may not have been intentional.

I am a lone 70 something. My children don't live close and I have no siblings. It's nice to pass a bit of time on here when the days seem a bit long and never ending.

We're all different and what may upset one person may be water off a duck's back to another. We're not all kind to each other 100% of the time, although I'm sure most of us try to be.

But it is easy to perhaps be less than perfect in expressing our opinions when we can hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard.

So if I ever say anything that offends or upsets I'm happy to have my wrist slapped.

I no longer post on any thread about politics. That board is way too toxic for me.
I had a post deleted for extremely minor reasons in my opinion ( no personal attack ) so that was it for me. I’ve seen posts a 100x worse not get deleted put it that way!
I’m not sure, but I think you’re banned if you have a certain amount of deleted posts.
So if someone ( or a group of people ) take a dislike to you & your opinions, reporting a post that’s even remotely ‘not in the spirit’ will probably get the post deleted.
HQ probably try and ‘keep the customers satisfied’ so if one person is getting reported a lot, they probably will ban them.
I could have literally reported about 5 posts a week on the politics board but I didn’t.
I’ve only reported about 3 posts in 5 years.

GN is a much nicer experience now I’m not posting on the politics board.

MayBee70

Imo ( or should I say in my naive opinion) being a moderator is a pretty thankless task. I hadn’t realised that the moderators on gransnet were inexperienced.

They aren't all that way, but some obviously were. We don't see as many, now that Mumset do the moderating.
There was a young male moderator (can't remember his name), who was mercilessly teased by posters.

One notorious and infamous poster succeeded in getting a whole group of regular posters banned. Eventually, HQ realised she was fake and she was banned. Thankfully, the others were reinstated.
I would hate to be a moderator, it is a thankless task.

I find it less stressful now to stick to the more mundane and boring threads. It is safer. 😉

*They just seem to lack awareness of how much upset they cause to other posters who just want to engage civilly in interesting conversations without having to tolerate blistering put downs, extreme grumpiness and hurtful personal comments*……and picking up on spelling mistakes in a sarcastic manner

Imo ( or should I say in my naive opinion) being a moderator is a pretty thankless task. I hadn’t realised that the moderators on gransnet were inexperienced.

I think Gransnet is like most online forums. The vast majority of posters are decent and polite people. But there is a very vocal minority who are rude, cutting and unable to accept other viewpoints. Because they post so frequently they set the tone and sadly discourage more pleasant and often more interesting and enjoyable people from remaining on the site. Many of them seem to get frequent bans and then return chortling about having been on the 'norty' step. They just seem to lack awareness of how much upset they cause to other posters who just want to engage civilly in interesting conversations without having to tolerate blistering put downs, extreme grumpiness and hurtful personal comments.

MayBee70

Do you honestly think that HQ bans people just because someone has reported them? Please credit them with some integrity.

Without meaning to be rude, Maybe, I think you are a little naive.
Previously, I have been aware of posters, targeting a poster by consistently reporting, in order to get rid of them.
Unfortunately, there has been little consistency among inexperienced moderators in the past, which hasn't helped.

I once begged ĢHNQ over a weekend, despite other posters trying to support me by reporting, to stop a poster, who kept attacking me, they ignored all the reports or there was no-one there. I lost all faith in them and gave up posting for a time.

biglouis, not everyone is as robust as you. Some posting on here are very fragile and relentless targeting of a poster, can affect their mental health.

if I ever sound pompous, it is worth mentioning

You did, actually.

I expect some posters just take a break from posting. I doubt if they disappear from GN altogether as it's too addictive...unless personal circumstances change.
Some threads are so interesting with different points of view and much useful information, but the snapping and snarling on some is laughable. And so personal for a site which must host many thousands of readers.

Do you honestly think that HQ bans people just because someone has reported them? Please credit them with some integrity.

I suppose it depends on how you define wrist slapping. It can be hurtful but I’d rather somebody took a swipe at me publicly so I could deal with the issue, than pressed that blasted report button - which is getting rather too much use at the moment

No one respects a grasser.

I think we’ve all at one time said something that other people have found hurtful or insensitive.

Maddyone - I had wondered where GSM had gone. She has always been so generous to anyone who needed some legal advice. She will be much missed if banned. I do hope not

Maddy Dont let them get to you. The poster who wrote the personal comments is not worth it.
It is not clever or nice to use someone's personal upset to make a point. In fact it is a cheap shot.
Keep posting, if posters like you go it will be tedious, we want as many view points as possible. I want to say more but it will be deleted.

When you load gransnet, it's says , the online site for advice and support. Which it was a few years ago. But for some reason this has changed , I've noticed it myself . Maybe over the last 6 months . Some members have been, harsh , judgemental, and even spiteful. It's put me off posting anymore, it's a shame .

maddyone you sound really upset, but please don't let them drive you off, we need good people like you on here.
Unfortunately, anonymity allows the bullies to flourish and some (myself included) are no longer robust enough to fight back! There are posters, who seem to hone in on the vulnerable posters, in an attempt to drive them off.

I’ve just had a message from a poster on here who has just de registered tonight, she has sent me an email. She was deleted yesterday, for the first time ever, and is hurt. She is never controversial or rude and this coupled with another poster I’m in contact with who had been banned, well it’s making me think. GSM has disappeared, presumed by other posters to have been banned. I think I’ve had enough of this. Two days I was attacked personally as I mentioned in my previous post. GN is unpleasant at the moment and posters who are not controversial are disappearing, one by one. I’m feeling quite upset by all this and considering my own position.
Maybe I’ll be deleted for saying this.

That's ok, if I ever sound pompous it is worth mentioning.,
I would never call someone out for being pompous, I know my own failings, but certainly will, if I think someone is being unkind or vicious.

The only reporting I do is regarding those blooming scammer threads! 🤬

There are many kind posters on GN, who outnumber the unpleasant ones, that is worth remembering. Having been hurt in the past, I avoid certain threads and posters.

maddyone

There are a lot of deletions at the moment merlotgran, but I’m guilty of using it this week due to a horrible personal attack on myself about something that is very personal, upsetting, and unsolvable at the moment. I thought what was said to me to be more than merely unpleasant, but I felt it was truly horrible.
It was deleted.
As Marydoll says, we never know what is going on in other member’s lives, and even if it is mentioned, we don’t know the degree of pain that poster is experiencing.

Personal attacks are unforgivable and should be reported but it’s the trivial foot stamping that’s getting tedious.

We’re losing some good posters as a result.

Marydoll

Sometimes, when you are new to a site, it is better to take it slowly, get the lie of the land and get to know posters, before diving right in.
When I first joined many moons ago, I was a prolific poster, because I was excited to find this site. Then common sense prevailed.

Many of we long time posters have experienced wrist slapping and have probably also done it ourselves.
Our responses may be depend on our mood, may be a knee jerk reaction or we have been slapped by that particular poster ourselves.

Recently I reacted strongly to a thread, which I found extremely trivial. I was experiencing high levels of pain, and thought I wish I only had that to worry about, what a lot of nonsense!
We never know what is actually going on in posters' lives.

What I am going to say now is intended to be tongue in cheek
Your comment:
And if someone posts something others think is trivial but the poster finds upsetting don't just dismiss this, is not for us to dictate how a person should feel.
does sound a bit like preaching and telling us how to behave.

That's ok, if I ever sound pompous it is worth mentioning.

There are a lot of deletions at the moment merlotgran, but I’m guilty of using it this week due to a horrible personal attack on myself about something that is very personal, upsetting, and unsolvable at the moment. I thought what was said to me to be more than merely unpleasant, but I felt it was truly horrible.
It was deleted.
As Marydoll says, we never know what is going on in other member’s lives, and even if it is mentioned, we don’t know the degree of pain that poster is experiencing.

I suppose it depends on how you define wrist slapping. It can be hurtful but I’d rather somebody took a swipe at me publicly so I could deal with the issue, than pressed that blasted report button - which is getting rather too much use at the moment.

That was not meant to be a wrist slap, just my opinion, which may be trivial.

Sometimes, when you are new to a site, it is better to take it slowly, get the lie of the land and get to know posters, before diving right in.
When I first joined many moons ago, I was a prolific poster, because I was excited to find this site. Then common sense prevailed.

Many of we long time posters have experienced wrist slapping and have probably also done it ourselves.
Our responses may be depend on our mood, may be a knee jerk reaction or we have been slapped by that particular poster ourselves.

Recently I reacted strongly to a thread, which I found extremely trivial. I was experiencing high levels of pain, and thought I wish I only had that to worry about, what a lot of nonsense!
We never know what is actually going on in posters' lives.

What I am going to say now is intended to be tongue in cheek
Your comment:
And if someone posts something others think is trivial but the poster finds upsetting don't just dismiss this, is not for us to dictate how a person should feel.
does sound a bit like preaching and telling us how to behave.