Towards More Picturesque Speech

If I came home from school looking untidy my mum used to say I looked like I had been pulled through a hedge backwards.

If people were irritating her, my grandmother used to say "They're winding me up to the top pitch".

If I pulled a face at mum she would say 'watch out the wind doesn't change'or ' you look like a cat's bum turned inside out!!!🫣

My Mum used to say, if I got a bit mouthy, "You're as sharp as vinegar on a fork". I never really understood that.

My Mum used to say someone was "as clever as Dick's hat band"

No idea who Dick was!

If she thought we were lying, my mother used to say "Tell another while your mouth's warm" and if she thought we were being pert she would say "You're so sharp, you'll cut the cost of living".

If we met one of those doom laden women who always thought the world was going to hell in a handcart my Mother would always say “she loves lumpy custard.” I’ve absolutely no idea why.