Why is it called domestic violence?

Well said Iam.

Of course the entire problem needs to be understood but there has to be a focus on violence to women and children

All these things are linked and you if try to understand one aspect of the problem without considering the whole problem then you will never succeed.

It worries me that every thread aimed at discussing why one woman each week is killed by a partner/ex partner, why so many men abuse women and children leads to posts pointing out women also abuse and coercively control. That’s a given but women don’t kill their partners at the regular rate of one each week.
We have a societal / international problem with male violence towards women and children. Yes men are violent to each other as well.

The family courts have, imo, been rightly criticised for insisting that fathers who have been violent to the extent of prison or injunctions should have direct contact with children, often when the children have expressed fear of daddy. I’m not referring to the dreadful situations where mothers block contact because they’re angry with the father. That’s an entirely different thing.

Jackiest

There are abusive controlling women just as there are abusive controlling men the difference is women are normally 10 stone and men are 15 and twice as strong, so they have far more opportunity to do serious harm when they are physically abusive. Women tend to find other ways to control such as emotional abuse. The expression of the hen pecked husband has been around for a long time and it is treated as a joke.

I completely agree- the most contolling people I know seem to be women, but maybe that's just my expereince and we shouldn't really make generalisations (although I just did sort of!).

The whole issue of female on male violence and abuse is under reported and under discussed, mostly because there is an un-written agreement by men that to admit they are bullied/coerced even beaten by their wives is a sign of male weakness. Most men just tolerate it in the way women used to.

There are steps being taken though very slowly to redress the balance as some women (from experience here) take advantage of the present climate and make claims against male partners that are not true. This can happen often in family courts where the bias is against fathers in favour of the mother. This bias can often be very shallow and under scrutinised.

Of course I'm not referring to serious physical assault here, but coercive and controlling behaviour which can have a devastating impact on male partners and their children.

There are abusive controlling women just as there are abusive controlling men the difference is women are normally 10 stone and men are 15 and twice as strong, so they have far more opportunity to do serious harm when they are physically abusive. Women tend to find other ways to control such as emotional abuse. The expression of the hen pecked husband has been around for a long time and it is treated as a joke.

I agree M0nica and that education needs to begin in childhood for girls and boys. Men can also be victims of domestic violence and/or coercive control.

Phrases such as 'if you really loved me .......' and following a violent act 'you made me do it'; 'I'll never hurt you again' make my blood run cold.

Abusive husbands/wives/partners gradually isolate their victims resulting in Stockholm Syndrome so I can understand why a victim can believe they do love the person whose abusing them .

I think we need to educate women to understand that any relationship with a partner is the coming together of 2 equal people and equality precludes any one insisting on doing anything their way. they should also be trained to make a runner the moment they hear those words 'if you loved me you would do what I want'. However it was worded.

Personally, I find it incomprehensible that any woman can claim to love someone who controls her or brutalises her. Come to that, I cannot understand women who think they are in love with someone they only know online and asks them for money.

And... a notice on their forehead would be useful. Sadly, it would still be ignored by some!

BlueBelle
I have worked in refuge and with rehabilitation of offenders so my thoughts on Alcohol is that it's not the main driver in most "domestic" murders. I was really thinking about annodomini's post which puts alcohol more in the centre.

My thinking about type is that they are people who must be "in charge".
They are the "coercive control" types who murder.
But yes. Probably do come over initially as "nice"... (as of course do sex offenders - who can sustain their outward "niceness" for years, it seems to me).

But unfortunately that type is usually seen in public as a nice person if only they had a notice on their forehead
I have found in my experience that it is much more to do with upbringing and childhood than alcohol or drugs Very often men and (I have no experience of women using violence) were beaten as children and that becomes the norm, add to that never being shown or taught any coping or negotiation skills and you have a big red flag and of course there are many people who had dreadful childhoods and turn out lovely people No cut and dried answers
A hugely complex subject with little in the way of answers there can be many many things that contributed to the inability to live life without the need to rule over another’s

I don't want to mislead regarding alcohol and domestic murder. It's not my main "area of interest" (!) but I've found these statistics on the case studies of partner/ex-partner murders.
They are in this paper:

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/share/2KNWTSPEEJZYURSZWRK2?target=10.1111/hsc.13753

In the section on Victim (V) and Perpetrator (P) sociodemographic characteristics:
Alcohol misuseP 29%V 22%
Drug misuse P 15%V 7%
None P 85% V 71%

Here's an interesting table (see image) It's looking at the type of abuse suffered before the murder.

Just wanted to clarify my thoughts on Alcohol and murder is not academic. It's what I believe. My thinking is it's mainly/largely a "type" of person.

And little boys too!

Very interesting NotSpaghetti This article describes the perpetrator as someone who is not doing a crime of passion but is a person who is born with a lack of empathy, a feeling of self-entitlement and a strong desire to control their partner's actions. I have seen that before. I have almost stumbled into that sort of relationship. I think it is important to educate girls so they are not so naive to this fake all-encompassing, so-called love that will remove them from the safety of their families or those who love them. They need to be educated in this!

Surely domestic murder - and attempted murder - is often premeditated. It is a power/control thing.

In the cases I've been involved with it certainly was. Alcohol was not the driver, that's for sure.

This paper isn't focused on alcohol... but it may be of interest to you.
It describes a type.

daily.jstor.org/ending-myths-domestic-homicide/

The responses to the OP's question have not considered the role alcohol - or the consumption of it - may have played in violent situations. Although women also drink, drunk men are bigger, heavier and stronger when the drink gets the better of them. That is when domestic abuse can escalate into domestic violence and - too often - murder.

Elder abuse often includes male on male abuse, as sons abuse fathers as well as mothers.

It is one of the most difficult tpes of abuse to deal with as so often the father and/or mother do not want to admit to themselves, let alone anyone else, that a child has turned on them and is physically or financially abusing them.

I was involved in a number of such cases when I worked for a charity for older people. I often discovered it by chance when helping with other problems. In not a single case could we get a satisfactoy conclusion because the victim simply refused to take any action or make any complaint that would lead to any action being taken against the abuser.

Violence in the home can take several forms. It can be adult on adult, adult on child, child on adult and I have read about people being violent towards a grandparent.

The statistics I read showed that over 80% of reported violence was perpetrated by men and the victims were women.

It is said that people should listen to their gut feelings more.

Your gut has a way of telling you things that your brain will dismiss.

Abusive people, have an uncanny eye for recognising the vulnerability in even outwardly confident people and how to manipulate it.

My own experience of such people is very limited, but in my early 20s I did start to go out with someone I had known for some years, but within a few dates, I had an instinct that he could be controlling and I let the relationship peter out. At this point I cannot remember what happened. It was very much an instinct.

I do remember when a few years later I saw his engagement announcement and saw that his future wife was French with her parents living in the south of France I had an immediate reaction of hoping she had a good friendship group in England to sustain her if things went badly wrong - and the visceral nature of my concern, and assumption that things could go badly wrong took me by surprise.

Something must snap in their brain when deep love becomes murderous hatred.

Maybe, for some - I don't think this is very common though (not looked at the statistics recently). Others may know. I think not all abusive people even loved in the first place. Power and control is what much of this is about I think. Not really love "gone wrong".

easybee re your feeling that violence is physical and often an outburst, whereas abuse suggests more sustained, premeditated, psychological control.

I don't necessarily agree with this. Violence is often premeditated. If you plug the iron in and wait for it to get up to "linen" heat before you use it as a weapon I don't think that's spur of the moment "snapping" for example.

Violence is called domestic if the victim and the perpetrator were not strangers. It doesn't mean the victim is male or female. Out of all of the men murdered each year, domestic violence only accounts for about 5% of these deaths.

92% of females murdered were killed by a man they knew. This is not acceptable and every young female should be aware that this is the "norm" in our developed society.

(I can't speak for people in Norway or Finland. I have read that as a society, they hold women more "equally" than other countries and females have more value there but I could be totally wrong since I am not familiar with those countries. Maybe New Zealand, too?)

Any violence that originates in the home is domestic, I think.
Regardless of the perpetrator, and the sex of those involved.

grandtanteJE65

Sad to say, there are women who are guilty of domestic violence too, you know.

I find it regretable that this type of discussion nearly always assumes that the violent party is always male.

I know that many men are guilty of violence towards their wives or children, but I would ask you all to remember that there are men and children abused by their wives or mothers, lesbians victimized by their lesbian partners, and homosexual men abused by theirs.

Let us all be clear about this, and about the fact that the majority of men would never dream of committing this kind of violence.

Yes, I agree with you that males are abused too. I would never ignore that. I can read the statistics, so I can see that men are abused by their partners at a substantial rate too. They say that men are likely to not report it but women are not likely to report it either.

One horrible thing is that most men are stronger than women, by nature.

Something must snap in their brain when deep love becomes murderous hatred. They are not opposite emotions, in these cases - I don't understand it. Indifference would be the way out of this sort of relationship but it just gets more intense, then violence ensues. Without any relationship, a woman would be increasing her chances of survival.

BlueBelle

Well it’s called domestic violence because it happens in the home or outside the home but by someone who is part of the home Seems a very reasonable title to me.
So my question is why not ? and what would you prefer it to be called ?

If your question is why are there so many domestic instances that end in death then that is something that can be debated, however it’s a question that has been around a very long time

What is your interest Macadia ?

I just find it so, so sad. The word "domestic" brings feelings of family, home and something cozy but when paired with the word violence, it just ruins the word domestic, almost seems like it is softening the violence. Sigh. Yes, I know it's the only title we have for that type of murder. Just sad, I guess. Sad for all of the little girls who have to grow up in a place where they are never safe, just because they are female. Seems a bit archaic. I wish humans would evolve to not be so predatory.