Secrets that don't belong to you

Truth to tell, I really wish people wouldn't confide in one another because it's a sure way to lose a friend. I don't gossip or give other people's secrets away but, almost every time someone has told me something in confidence, the person whose "secret" I know has had second thoughts and pretty much cut me out of their circle. I think it's a version of "No good deed goes unpunished". As soon as they perceive that you "have something over" on them, the suspicion sets in that you have the power to harm them. In effect, you become the bad guy and they try to distance you from their lives. Through no fault of your own, you find yourself outside the Magic Circle. It's also worth bearing in mind that nobody ever tells their secrets to just one person. If 2 or more people know the secret and it gets out, you can't ever know for sure which confidante betrayed your trust. If you don't want anyone to know a certain thing, keep it strictly to yourself!

A friend told us he had a mistress and child in another country.
We are godparents to his daughter.

We begged him to come clean but he wouldn’t, we refused contact with him.

Eventually it all imploded and we were caught in the crossfire.
It was many months before our goddaughter would listen to our side of the story, she understood and we are close now.

Her father (the friend) has passed,I think he may have had a little time in purgatory before being allowed upstairs.

It was an awful secret to keep but I did tell him if I was asked outright by his wife or daughter I would tell them.

It's dreadful that happened 00opsidia, what a burden.

I worked in a Polytechnic many years ago. A colleague came to sit with me at lunch-time and told me he knew the person responsible for some random acts of vandalism on staff cars.
That night he went home and committed suicide. Apparently he'd been having an affair and his wife had found out. It was all very strange.

It upset me for a very long time and I've never forgotten it.

I'm so sorry about your friend Oopsadaisy .

The galling thing for me is to keep a secret for years and then others coming up to me and telling me the same ‘secret’.

So much for me being the only one she told.

My grandmother told me some family secrets and asked me not to discuss it with anyone "while Im alive". I kept the secret for over 40 years and until long after her death. I have secrets of my own and they will go with me to the grave.

The secret was told me 20 years ago, I doubt whether the suicide was related although it could be guilt related?

My friend's family have questioned me, but I couldn't....

It is doubtful if the suicide would have been prevented whatever action you took. You are not to blame . That person was totally responsible for their own actions.

00opsidia

My friend has just died (by suicide) and the secrets they told me have died with them. I think I should have told someone, but I didn't and I have to live with it.

It's difficult when your own high values come to bite you in the ass!

Your friend chose to share secrets with and then committed suicide.. This not your responsibility and you should not bear any burden of remorse.. you acted like a trustworthy friend ...

I was told a secret by a friend. Her very nosy next door neighbour tried to grill me to confirm his suspicions.
I told him that if she wanted him to know anything she would have told him.

My friend has just died (by suicide) and the secrets they told me have died with them. I think I should have told someone, but I didn't and I have to live with it.

It's difficult when your own high values come to bite you in the ass!

My mother was told by her niece in a letter that she ( the niece) was dying of an incurable cancer. In capital letters she wrote Do Not Tell Mum and Dad. My Mum was so torn but she kept the secret. Such a shock for the poor parents when their daughter died. She lived abroad.

I kept a secret until the death of person who shared their secret with me. Then I was faced with a quandary as the person who was central to the secret was not aware of the secret. If I had stayed silent the secret would have been disclosed by the central person, as they were giving the eulogy. I chose to tell this person, who was horrified and said they would have to radically alter the eulogy. If I had not disclosed what I knew, many people would have been hurt and upset during the funeral service and forever after. I have never spoken about the secret since.

It is a very fine line if you have been given safeguarding training and see a friend who is at risk who has confided in you. I have had sleepless nights wondering if I should seek help on her behalf, and in the end I did think her safety was more important, even if it meant I lost a friendship.