Spoilt grandchildren.

If everything was honky - dorey then “poor mum wouldn’t be exhausted “ surely?

Parents tend to be more flexible about bedtimes etc during the holidays - why not?

kircubbin2000 your daughter and son-in-law sound like great parents who enjoy spending time with their children and treating them during the school holidays.
Nothing wrong with that at all 😊

welbeck

maybe he wishes he could have had such an upbringing, so he has to criticise it as a defensive tactic.
this would be done quite unconsciously.
people often do this, in order to cope with emotional pain.

Yes it comes across to me that he's a bit jealous of these perfectly pleasant-sounding grandchildren 😕

So basically you are saying OP that your GC are not spoilt but that your DH is being unreasonably judgemental and critical?

I'd probably be a lot less relaxed if they came to mine, with regard to bed times and food, I have to say, but children are very different today and times have changed.

kircubbin2000

I think they are OK. They all seem happy . It's so different now. When mine were small they just played outside and only had a week of football or swimming lessons in the summer.A lot of their designer kit is bought cheaply on vinted or from a charity shop.

There you go then! It all sounds pretty good to me. The mum saves money through her charity shop buys and that probably goes towards the clubs and other treats. I don’t quite see what you’re concerned about, but maybe I’m missing something. I would imagine they are happy, well-rounded kids.

Presumably your daughter would change things if she was struggling.

I would certainly be expecting them to do few little bits and bobs around the house.

As for the leisure activities, that seems to be the way of things now, with everything planned, and timed, until they barely have time for just slobbing around.

As long as they are polite, I think it sounds OK.

maybe he wishes he could have had such an upbringing, so he has to criticise it as a defensive tactic.
this would be done quite unconsciously.
people often do this, in order to cope with emotional pain.

It sounds like a very cohesive and generous family who treated your husband very well..

Your DH comes from a different generation, the days of children leaving the house after breakfast , with a jam sandwich and a bottle of water, returning in time for tea have long gone unfortunately. Children are more structured in the lives now I am not saying either is correct but things are different. Some children are into a certain " look" clothes wise even from a young age, you can buy cheaper but if they don't like them they won't get worn, it's a waste of money. Children these days are brought up to voice their opinions. Bed times during holiday times are probably more flexible than term time.

Sounds normal to me....my DDs girls are 9 and 6 and this sounds like them....they don't olay put...kids done anymore....they go clubs ....they have some branded trainers and bags ....clothes mainly next but some designer hand me downs from cousins....their mu. Runs round after them...but they are still young ( like your GC) ....I think you DP is a bit out of touch about how kids are these days

They know what he's like so no problems. I think the fact that he was sent to boarding school at 8 and off to relatives in the holidays has made him like this.

If your DH is anything like my DH, I would be a little bit careful about what "stories" he comes back with.
Mine can get the wrong end of the stick very quickly about things.

What sorts of things would you like them to do independently?

So it seems daughter and son in law were good hosts, are good parents but your husband was/is not an active father and perhaps a difficult guest?

I hope this visit did not harm their relationship and he can adjust his attitude before any more visits can happen

He did enjoy the visit but was embarrassed as son in law paid for everything. As you say he is out of touch and never had much to do with the children growing up as he was usually out working or playing golf.

Did your husband enjoy the visit?

He is very out of touch with reality

What was your husband's role in raising his own daughter? How much does he know about kids?

They seem a happy and well adjusted family, a good mom with good kids, what's wrong with that?

When dad is at home he takes them to football or cricket.

Playing in the streets is not as common as it used to be. My grandsons were at soft play most weeks during the summer holidays or taken out to parks. They are quite a bit younger than yours but my dd enjoys taking them places. Plus the weather has been horrible most of the summer, so they need entertained somehow. He's maybe forgetting what it was like when he was 8

I think they are OK. They all seem happy . It's so different now. When mine were small they just played outside and only had a week of football or swimming lessons in the summer.A lot of their designer kit is bought cheaply on vinted or from a charity shop.

But, as cossy, says, it's mum's decision what she does.

Polite and usually well-behaved sounds great to me so she (and dad) are doing something (lots of things) right.

My first question was going to be about their ages too. I reckon they will begin to be able to do some things more independently over the next few years.

Can dad do some of what is exhausting mum? Ferrying to clubs, for example, especially at weekends.

Honestly, they sound a pretty normal, above average income family, whose parents want them to have what they need and want.

I’m assuming you are not going to say anything to Mum and Dad. Mum is old enough to make her own decisions and most children simply don’t play out in the streets like we may have. 8 and 9 is still pretty young.

8 and 9.

How old are they?