Spoilt grandchildren.

Mum gives in for a quiet life clearly, so they are over cosseted.

Well I think the title of this thread is all wrong.
It should be about a stick in the mud grandpa who seems to think children should be seen and not heard.
I’m afraid your DH doesn’t sound like he has much empathy with his children and grandchildren.

kircubbin2000

I think 80 is too late to change.

Nope cant agree. But hey ho 😏

Approx same age grandchildren are allowed to stay up late in holidays and weekends so they all get a bit of a lie in the next day. The children have to play or read or draw/make things or go on tablets upstairs tho to give parents some time. But there are 4 kids so someone to play with.

Must be difficult for a single child

They live in the country so do have to rely on parent lifts to go to moderate amounts of clubs and activities and playing in the busy road never possible. DiL gets a lot of stuff on e bay and charity shops. They are learning to cook. but one of the 4 is very very disabled which means lots of 1 2 1 time with her needed and the other children have had to learn early about disability and not taking things for granted.

I only had one child but was very fortunate as we lived somewhere where from 9 on it was safe for the walk to friends houses, to junior football.

It is never too late to change if the change is worth it

Maybe he is right?
He was there for a week - which is very different to popping in or having a visit from them.

I would never have consulted the children re what they individually wanted to eat unless it was very basic (apple crumble with custard or ice cream or "how many beans"). We all ate the same.

Playing out is different now though. I understand that.

I think 80 is too late to change.

Brigidsdaughter

I think boarding school is very structured so your DH will have had that influence

It is. But it is not a given to not change!

I think boarding school is very structured so your DH will have had that influence

Clubs & trips sound great for school holidays. They will probably be interacting with different children & adults, making new friends & learning new skills or hobbies. Far better than sitting around at home watching TV or playing on their phones/tablets.

I felt rather like that when my grandchildren were that age, but said nothing as it wasn't my place to do so. However they are now 14 & 11 and are the most self sufficient, interesting, helpful and delightful children to have around.

They sound lovely, and you say they go to clubs, which i think is as independent as it gets for children of that age nowadays

They sound normal and just fine. Enjoy them.

They sound like a lovely family to me.

kircubbin2000

They know what he's like so no problems. I think the fact that he was sent to boarding school at 8 and off to relatives in the holidays has made him like this.

But he could change his perspective!?

I used to let my daughter stay up during holidays, on condition that we didn't have grumpy, tired behaviour the next day.

I have a granddaughter who is spoilt. She seems to get anything she wants. It is difficult for her parents as she is their only child. I am just concerned how difficult her future could become if she marries etc

You daughter and son in law sound great to me ! How lovely that they woukdnt let him pay for anything . And sensible in that they get the stuff from vinted . They are doing a great job by the sounds of it . The kids are back at school now so all back to normal bedtimes etc . Nice that they are so welcoming to you as GPs .

I completely agree with this last comment. My DF would often visit us on a Sunday. The following morning he would call me with a list of observations from the previous day. Such as lunch was too late, children left the table too early, too many toys out at once, DH shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the armchair etc. I could go on and on. Not helpful at all.

Point out to your husband that since the beginning of time every generation who lived to see their children as adults bring up their children has criticised the way they did so!

Remind him of what his and your parents said when you had young children.

It really does not matter whether you or he are right about the grandchildren.

What does matter, is that your husband keeps his mouth shut and leaves your daughter to bring up her children as she sees fit.

The time to discuss this with your daughter is if or when she asks for her father's or your opinion and advice. NOT before, if you value a peaceful family life.

BrandyGran

If everything was honky - dorey then “poor mum wouldn’t be exhausted “ surely?

Come on, being exhausted is the default setting for most parents, especially mums by the end of the summer holidays!
I don't see why life can't be "hunky dory" ie happy too.
Juggling (probably) jobs and children is hard work at the best of times.
Somebody's overthinking things.

My partners grandchildren (9 and 11) are pretty much the same - continual activities thrust at them. When we try to take them out often get ‘done it / been there’ and a petulant expression. They never seem to be able to be creative and entertain themselves. Been everywhere, seen everything- what’s going to be left for them as they grow up?

If the children are polite and well behaved, surely that’s the most important thing.

My elder Gdcs are 8 and 9 - are polite and well behaved, and certainly enjoy far more fun (and often expensive!) trips and days out than dh or I ever did, but IMO that’s fairly normal now - if the parents can afford it.

Playing out in the street is very often a thing of the past now - just too many cars.

What is your reason for calling them ‘spoilt’? Sounds like their mum is enjoying their company while they’re still focussed on the family! I can’t quite see what your worry is, if their mum is getting tired she’ll adjust her behaviour or ask for help!

You are so lucky to have such a lovely family - husband bit out of step but just focus on the positives. Probably too late to change husband’s attitude by now. Some grandfathers are amazing and others not. It’s life.