My Mums controlling boyfriend is trying to shut me out of her life

Nothing much I am afraid

There’s nothing you can do, I’m afraid. Your Mum obviously loves him.

You are right to be very concerned. This is coercion and control by the BF. She is vulnerable. You are her next of kin. I would suggest calling the local authority for advice in the first instance. There are wellbeing hubs that offer advice, I believe they accept walk ins,

This happened to a friend of mine with her daughter, whose husband managed to convince her that her mum was malicious and she shouldn’t speak to her on the phone. It was dreadfully upsetting for her, as her daughter was unwell, and she was not allowed by the husband to go and stay to look after her.

There’s nothing you can do except collect any evidence of coercive control that you can find. You might be able to talk to the police about your concerns, but women in bad relationships are notoriously difficult to help.

And please do look after yourself, I’m sure you must feel very worried about her. Having you on her side will be very important to her if things come to a head.

If you goo gle, and if you are in the Uk, there are a number of online sites to get advice in the first instance.

This is one of several

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/

I agree with the others -you need to get some professional help for her .
If she's being assaulted and pushed onto a cupboard the Police need to be involved .
I suggest that you take your mother out to fun things ,which you know she'll enjoy and show her that you can get along together .
Hopefully you wean her off him and gain her trust .
When women are addicted to abusive men it's a very difficult situation to try to deal with .
They have to want to walk away from them .

If you are in the UK I’d contact Social Services, adult Services, and tell them if your fears.

Your mum sounds like a vulnerable adult and he sounds abusive!

Keep a diary of every conversation, action and piece of evidence you have including telephone nos. reg nos, etc times, dates. Try to find out if a new will has been made under his coercion. These people are foul and know no bounds.

Yes you are right to be concerned about her. As she’s not married to the bf you’re her next of kin or any siblings you have . Please get power of attorney. You can do it online or go to a solicitor. There’s a financial and health one .
Do a diary of any incidents. I’m wondering if the fall was an accident or did he push her . Her time in hospital would have been an ideal time to talk to someone about your concerns . Did she have a care package when she was discharged? If she declined it due to the bf , you could go back to the enablement team and argue that she’s a vulnerable adult and voice your concerns.
Does she have mental capacity? If you feel she doesn’t , you can override her decisions .
Good luck and I really feel for you .

I would definitely inform the police over the cupboard incident if nothing else, plus call Age Concern for any advice they can give to you.

Do you/mum have siblings that could be involved or neighbours to keep an eye out for boyfriends comings & goings ?

You can report an incident to the police. You don’t have to be the victim.

I may be wrong (please do correct this GN's if I am)

but I'm fairly sure the O/P won't be able to get POA unless her mum either agrees and signs, or if she lacks capacity.

Problems with contacting police:
As long as she has capacity and backs her partner if police or SW's get involved there is no evidence except for "he said she said" at this point. Whatever she said to you about the cupboard, she may subsequently deny it.

I agree with Tenko and others. Document all incidents and particularly if you can sound record conversations when your mum rings or complains in person.

And ask for advice from Adult Social Services very soon, get it logged in at the very least.

I do sympathise as she is putting you in an impossible position and you don't wish to lose her trust.

Nothing to add to the good advice already given but just want to stress how important it is to raise your concerns with adult social services and the police.

Coercive control has been a criminal offence since 29th December 2015. As with all abusers, your mother's boy friend is wanting to alienate her from family and friends so don't allow him to deter you from making regular contact .

Try contacting Citizens advice and see what they suggest. When I went about POA for my parents, they were both spoken to individually -I had to leave the room and one of the questions they were asked was had someone coerced/persuaded them into making this decision.

Cossy

If you are in the UK I’d contact Social Services, adult Services, and tell them if your fears.

Your mum sounds like a vulnerable adult and he sounds abusive!

Exactly Cossy, plus I am always concerned when I hear of people appointing people of their own age, or similar, to hold POA, surely it makes sense to have someone younger and potentially fitter in the long run. That might help in you quest to change mums mind.

Age Concern is now known as Age UK. There will be a branch in your local town, not the shop but the advice unit. Find it in line. They will be able to advise and help you.

This is very distressing for you, as has been said contact adult social services and work at keeping contact with your mum even though her BF doesn’t like it. As with these kinds of abuse the victim is reduced to having so little confidence or self esteem that they accept the abuser back into their lives when shown the least bit of affection.
Is a cycle.
You are right to be worried. Hopefully adult social services can help with this. Do you have other siblings or family members you can contact?
All the best xx

M0nica

Age Concern is now known as Age UK. There will be a branch in your local town, not the shop but the advice unit. Find it in line. They will be able to advise and help you.

And this xx

I also think it's worth contacting social services or Age UK. You're her NoK & as she's now classed as a vulnerable adult, it's not solely about her (probably coerced) choice, everyone needs to be sure she's safe. I don't know if you'd get PoA but I'm sure they'll take your concerns seriously.

I am another advocate for contacting social services or Age Uk. She might well side with him and say he has done nothing wrong but at least you will have taken steps to help her.
Have these problems all stemmed from being with this man or has she struggled mentally in the past?

Unless you have the personal charisma to kick him out the only other recourse is to have your mother certified which seems unlikely and not in your mother's best interests. She must either be very lonely or else the man is very fascinating. Maybe a bit of both.