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Am I asking too much

(44 Posts)
Rainbow24 Fri 11-Oct-24 23:01:54

I am currently sick with a chest infection I asked my husband to collect prescription from chemist in his lunch hour. It did put him out a bit. When he got home later in the day he complained about waiting 10 minutes for prescription and missing lunch going on and on about not getting a break etc. This has upset me as I have been sick for over a week and only asked out of desperation. We have been together for 35 years and seriously notice how everyone thinks my husband is such a nice guy but they never see this side of him. I am so independent so never really ask for anything. Am I wrong to be upset?

Dickens Mon 14-Oct-24 02:02:58

... the fact that he still felt put-out later in the day implies that he really begrudged having to do this for you.

I think you should tell him (when you feel a bit better) that you're really sorry you wasted his precious time and that in future you will ask a friend or neighbour to help out, should the need arise, as you don't want to inconvenience him again.

Make him feel guilty. Because that is what he is doing to you - making you feel guilty for him losing his lunch break.

I suspect the prescription was for an antibiotic? If so, the sooner you take it, the better, because it takes a while for it to reach a critical level in your system, before which it won't be effective.

Be well flowers.

gentleshores Mon 14-Oct-24 01:21:31

So sorry you're not well and he made you feel worse by making a fuss about a little thing that he should have been happy to do and grabbed a sandwich at the same time. It's not like you were asking him to take a week off work to look after you.

I can relate to this at the moment as I am getting similar. Even to the point he complained I spent so much time in the bedroom. Well yes I couldn't get up for four weeks! But somehow it's my fault for making his life different.

Yes some men are selfish. I'm getting the thing now having done everything for years, and not being able to do as much, of him being grumpy.

@GrannyIvy - I hear you. I have to say I have given up now. I couldn't stand the mess, untidiness and everything in the wrong place but I've given up and accepted it is what it is!

Rainbow24 Sun 13-Oct-24 18:32:32

Thank you all for your support and kind wishes, it helps xx

Granmarderby10 Sat 12-Oct-24 20:31:09

The tit for tat response I personally would find mentally exhausting.
Not to mention sad 😔

HelterSkelter1 Sat 12-Oct-24 20:10:41

No you are not asking too much at all. Just ask him and ignore the complaints. And remember not to be too available when he needs something done or is ill. Hope you feel a lot better soon. I think you need a change of attitude...if you can't change the husband!

mae13 Sat 12-Oct-24 19:52:13

Have faith in Karma.

Shelflife Sat 12-Oct-24 16:59:42

Of course you are not being unreasonable! He is a misery .

Granmarderby10 Sat 12-Oct-24 16:04:32

In my personal experience these men (it is more often men) have a deep need to be noticed and appreciated by “others” outside of the home/family unit.
It’s a bit fashionable to call it narcissism- I’m not qualified to say as such, but, they really do seem to care more about what others think of them, hence coming over as charming and genial etc etc to these others.
What is to be done though?

SueDonim Sat 12-Oct-24 15:49:02

Another thought. It’s time other people saw this side of your husband. When they say what a nice guy he is reply ‘Actually, he’s not. It’s all a facade’ and tell them!

To be honest, I’d be thinking about leaving him, unless he has some wonderful attributes you haven’t told us about. hmm

petra Sat 12-Oct-24 15:36:07

Is it too late to leave the bastard after 35 years 🤷‍♀️

Esmay Sat 12-Oct-24 15:33:30

No you are not wrong to be upset .
You don't feel well and you're disappointed with his reaction .
When he is sick - do you nurse him ?
Maybe , ask a friend or neighbour to get your prescription should you need medication .
I'm sure that there are unselfish loving husbands , but I don't know any .
One of my friends was rushed into A and E in heart failure .
The surgery was dangerous.
It was touch and go as she didn't come out of the anaesthetic for some time.
When she woke up her husband wasn't there .
She waited and waited for him to visit .
Apart from the terrible health scare that she had -her greatest pain was to find out that whilst she was in surgery her husband was enjoying a long lunch with an attractive colleague .
I have never liked nor respected him .
Now he is possibly very ill .
No doubt , he'll expect tender loving care from her .

Get well soon .

Cossy Sat 12-Oct-24 10:48:43

TheWeirdo

I don't know how you've been brave enough to put up with that p***k for a whopping 35 years.

I'd have done that time for his brutal murder!

What a horrible selfish me-myself-and-I idiot he is.

I wish you well.

grin

Cossy Sat 12-Oct-24 10:48:17

I think he’s being a selfish grump!

Wishing you a speedy recovery thanks

Tizliz Sat 12-Oct-24 10:26:30

At least he remembered, mine wouldn't have!

henetha Sat 12-Oct-24 10:07:44

I had a husband like that. Never came to hospital appointments, etc. It's so hurtful. I don't blame you for being upset.

pascal30 Sat 12-Oct-24 10:02:48

It's just selfish behaviour.. has he ever been any different?

TheWeirdo Sat 12-Oct-24 09:51:24

I don't know how you've been brave enough to put up with that p***k for a whopping 35 years.

I'd have done that time for his brutal murder!

What a horrible selfish me-myself-and-I idiot he is.

I wish you well.

Ziplok Sat 12-Oct-24 09:50:31

Yes, he’s being unreasonable, no wonder you feel upset. It wasn’t a big ask on your part, he should have done it willingly, not grudgingly. If the boot had been on the other foot I bet you’d have done it for him without any complaint.
I hope you feel better very soon, then show him this thread 💐.

flappergirl Sat 12-Oct-24 09:47:58

Men are much more selfish than women. They put their needs first and foremost, even before their own children. Of course, there are varying degrees but at the end of the day they are all fundamentally self preservationists on some level. I don't think it's just socialisation either. I really believe that it's an innate part of their make up, their psyche.

Oreo Sat 12-Oct-24 09:44:24

Get well soon Rainbow💐

Oreo Sat 12-Oct-24 09:43:31

Smileless2012

I'd have asked him if he wanted a medal. Hope you're feeling a little better Rainbow and sending you flowers because if you've been poorly for over a week, he should have got you some to cheer you up.

😂
That medal thing is what my Dad used to say if ever us kids used to moan about something.

Gran32 Sat 12-Oct-24 09:43:21

He sounds unreasonable but is there more to it? Was he just having a bad day and you bore the brunt?

Oreo Sat 12-Oct-24 09:42:15

MissAdventure

Yep.
He's a miserable sod!

He sure is!

Smileless2012 Sat 12-Oct-24 09:41:56

I'd have asked him if he wanted a medal. Hope you're feeling a little better Rainbow and sending you flowers because if you've been poorly for over a week, he should have got you some to cheer you up.

Baggs Sat 12-Oct-24 09:36:10

He was being a grumpy sod and trying to make you feel guilty. Don't.

I'd tell my husband straight out not to be such a grump in circumstances like that.