Farting

My grandmother used to cough and fart at the same time.
I used to think that she coughed to cover the sound of the fart.
Now I am much older I know better.

My doctor cousin says flatulence is a sign of a healthy gut!
The older I get the healthier my gut seems to be.

A while ago I saw a lady being interviewed on This Morning. She was in America and made large amounts of money online. Mainly men would pay to video chat with her and to hear her fart. A very strange fetish I guess. I wonder what she said was her job title??

Remember Benny Hill. Calling a house passing cloud or passing breeze but passing wind. I like passing wind it's beautiful

When my girl and boy were younger gran and grandad took them to cathedral. Saveloy and chips the night before led to boy stinking the place out and camera crew gave up blaming blocked drains

Bart Simpson sang one
Tooting
Also called pooting
Is so polluting
When it comes out of your butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt

Oh!!

Here I sit, mean and artful,
Paid a penny, did a cart full.

Here I sit broken hearted
Paid a penny and only farted

Oreo

Or as Bart Simpson used to frequently quote
Beans beans
The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more you toot.

My much lamented father used to call baked beans ‘fart-fruits’.

I remember that poem. It's called, 'Tae a fert'.

Here’s one I heard many years ago at a Burns Supper. It’s a bit of fun but serious Robert Burns fans might want to stop reading now 😀

Oh whit sleekit horrible beastie, lurks in yer belly after the feastie

As ye sit doon wae yer kin,there starts to stir an enormous yin,
the neeps and tatties an mushy peas,stert working like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wae the sonsie face,will hae ye blowin awe ower the place.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair, tae try and stop the leaking air
shift yerself fae cheek tae cheek, and pray tae god it disnae reek.

But awe yer efforts gan asunder, oot it comes like a clap o thunder
ricochets aroon the room,michty me a sonic boom,

WIS HIM! i shout with accusin glower,alas too late, hes just keeled ower!

Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare, I dinny feel welcome anymare.

Where e're ye be, let yer wind gan free, sounds like just the job for me.

Oh what a fuss at Rabbie’s party, a ower the sake o wan wee farty.

It’s getting worse 🙀😲

Show off show off
Pick your nose and blow off!

I never say fart.
I'm more of a blow off person, frankly.

Really? It usually clears the room

Fair enough, as Miriam whatserface says, a fart brings people together.

Where ‘ere you be let the wind go free
That was just for you MissAdventure 😄

But it's my hobby MissAdventure and the only sport I'm any good at!

You're obsessed with farts, woman!!

😂
Is there a 3rd verse anyone?

I cannot take the credit for that poem I'm afraid. It was commonly quoted in my distant youth.

Oreo

Your own composition Aveline? 😄 Do you have more?

The more you fart,
The better you feel,
So let’s have beans
At every meal!

is verse 2, I believe.

Your own composition Aveline? 😄 Do you have more?