I felt sad

Athrawes

My eldest grand daughter still remembers the time I used to take her to a fun music class when she was little and that we talked along the way and pointed things out in peoples gardens eg gnomes. I loved it and so did she. No phones clamped to the ear in those days. Years before, I often collected my daughter and son from school and nattered all the way home - on foot! Parents today are missing out in my view

They really are missing out and sadly so are the kids.I often wonder what the Mums and Dads are looking at on their phones which is so important that pushing a toddler or baby in a pushchair takes second place, particularly crossing roads.

A mother with whom I am acquainted purposely purchased a push chair with the child facing out not to her. I asked her why. She told me "It is me time when I go for a walk, I have enough of him at home" I was stunned.

We sometimes pop into a pub for lunch and I am always shocked at how many times I see families all sat staring at phones and no one talks. This is adults and children. Will the next generation be able to read body language? Will they know how to communicate in a face to face situation? Will they know how to interact if the internet goes down? It doesn’t seem like they may have these basic skills and it’s sad.

I completely agree that judging is wrong. I grew up in the ‘go out and play’ days so beloved on threads like these, and in the house my mum was often too busy with housework to pay attention to us. We would be dragged around shops with her and expected to be quiet and well-behaved, particularly when she stopped to chat to friends. Bedtime was 6.00. There was little interaction, as I remember it.

My generation was accused by mum’s one of ‘using tv as a babysitter’ which IMO few did. It might have been on, but was used as a springboard to conversations and many children’s shows were educational so used to entertain them whilst their mothers prepared food etc.

Generations usually behave differently from the ones before, and often don’t fully appreciate what the subsequent ones are actually doing when looking from the outside.

The judgement is implicit in the sad feelings for the child. It’s also very blatant in some comments.

We don’t know the lives of strangers and it isn’t very nice to make snap judgements based on such minute interactions. Additionally, every generation has more than their fair share of parenting faux pas.

BlessedArt ,we are not judging individuals just commenting on what we see happening all around us.

Which mother sorry

You cannot judge her mothering skills by one tiny minor interaction

It is very rich, BTW, when previous generations sent their kids to play in the streets, for hours, without supervision, asking them to come back for lunch or dinner.

Whose mother is worse?

bluebird - you've hit the nail on the head :
I'd take my kids to play group/school and often meet up with a friend for a coffee usually in our homes and rarely in a cafe .
We never sat glued to our mobiles with bored restless toddler strapped to a pushchair talking about nail trends .
My friend , who can't cope with her kids is constantly on the phone . One call finishes and another one begins
They need her to interact with them .
I haven't said anything to her .
I don't know what's going on on her life .
She's stressed .
I talk to her kids a lot and they respond to me .
When my kids were small I had an art table at home and everyone else's kids !

I know what it's like not to have enough attention from a mother .
The only attention I received was negative .
I wonder if these mothers have thought it through .
I doubt it .

I don’t think witnessing a split second of a stranger’s life is enough to make me feel sorry for their child. For all anyone here knows, the mother could be the most attentive in the world outside of this one moment. Frankly, I don’t see anything inherently wrong about letting children in a playground play without needing constant, active participation from the adults.

I’m more sad at how quickly we love to judge the entire lives of people we’ve never even conversed with based on such minute “evidence”. I guess we all try to find ways to feel superior. Hey ho.

Don't get me started on the toddlers I see in the winter without socks on...and the ones who are kept quiet with sausage rolls or doughnuts mid morning. Habits hard to break and the children know no different.

After dropping our children off at preschool/infants school my neighbour and I would go back to our homes [taking it in turns] so the younger ones could play. We would have a good chat and a coffee, watch them and laugh at their games and antics. It was lovely.

Now I see mums sitting in coffee shops with the toddlers strapped into their pushchairs, as they talk and look at their phones. The child cannot interact with the parent or other children. I feel very sad. These years are so precious and they learn so many social skills...or they should do.

Even my DIL remarked on it also wondering how they could afford the coffee [and cake] prices and their obvious beauty treatment and nail trends.

Most people don't have a clue what's involved in rearing a child. I guess most of us didn't either. It is hard work - and that is something many of today's generation don't seem to understand. Someone recently said to me, "Each generation is less resilient than the one before." I think that is true. I see it a lot. If effort is involved, they don't want to know. We have a bus stop near us which is used by many young people to go into the town which is less than half a mile away. They are too lazy to walk the short distance. They're not all like that of course.

I see this all too frequently and usually on the bus .
I have a really nice friend with two small children and her parenting skills worry me .
Her children are loved , well fed and clothed .
But I've never seen her without her saying to them ;
' What are you like ?
You're both driving me crazy .'
And she rams more sweets into their mouth to keep them quiet .
They are only trying to talk to her .
I think that her life is chaotic and she struggles to cope .

HelterSkelter1

And the very littlies need to learn how to speak and how can they when they are not spoken to.

Exactly! When my GD started at Infants she ran up to a group of children, introduced herself and started chatting to them. The other children couldn’t even chat back. It wasn’t shyness on their part, they simply didn’t know how to respond. It’s so unbelievably sad.

It's interesting to see that there are now phone and laptop free spaces popping up as meeting places where people can create crafts, read or chat.. a break from technology..

These children need that too..

My eldest grand daughter still remembers the time I used to take her to a fun music class when she was little and that we talked along the way and pointed things out in peoples gardens eg gnomes. I loved it and so did she. No phones clamped to the ear in those days. Years before, I often collected my daughter and son from school and nattered all the way home - on foot! Parents today are missing out in my view

And the very littlies need to learn how to speak and how can they when they are not spoken to.

I see this so much and it makes me feel very sad too. Children need interaction with their parents, especially when meeting them after school. These parents need to be educated on the importance of focusing on and communicating with their children.

Last week at football, DGS2’s little friend was accompanied by his Grandad, who seemed 60ish.
He never once lifted his head from his phone, not even when his DGS scores a goal. At the end of the session the boy (3) went to make his own way out to the carpark on the main road with my DGS, at which point DD2 had to alert the chap, while her DH caught the little one and brought him back to the hall. Not a word of thanks either!

Yesterday on the bus it was a father who was constantly on the phone taking no notice of the toddler who was trying to point out things on the journey. The mother was busy breastfeeding the baby and was not sitting near enough to the toddler to engage with her so a big opportunity was missed. Maybe it is wrong to criticise as I was far from perfect but I feel sad that these distractions are around.

Thankfully our daughters put their phones away when taking the little ones out, I have never seen them scrolling, in fact most of the time their phones are on silent. Tbh is about safety, if you don’t have eyes and ears on your little one it can literally take a minute for them to get into difficulties or for someone to abduct them.

Agreed Keepingquiet. Sadly it seems all too common now.

I used to love taking my little ones out in the pushchair, singing songs as we went along. Pointing out anything of interest. Pushing them on the swings in the park. It is such a short period of life as they grow so quickly

I am so relieved that smart phones, social media etc were not around when my daughters were small.

I fear I may have become one of those mums. It is sad especially as a lot of what they could be looking at is pretty mindless. Of course the mum may have something serious going on in her life which needed her attention...but probably not.

That child is learning lessons for the future.