Do you think the kindness has gone out of people?

Jeanathome - There have always been selfish people.
knspol - I agree, social media causes paranoia. 🤪

I was going to wait for my husband's scan results in a local hospital. The medical news had not been too good up to that point and I did not want him to experience more depressing results
I reached the waiting area and saw only one seat free, the others being filled by 2 prisoners in handcuffs with their prison guards. I hesitated in sitting down until one of the guards said. 'Please sit down. They are ok'

I perched on the edge of the spare seat and one of the prisoners reached over with his free hand. He tapped me on the wrist and said' Do Not worry. They are very good in this department' I was 83 and scared but the effect of his kind gesture was immediate and dramatic.
That was kindness to me which was so much appreciated. I had no idea why he should be under guard but I appreciated both the prisoner's response and also the nature of the guards who encouraged me to sit down on the spare seat

Much is dependent on where you live. I live in a medium sized town in the North of UK. We still help out neighbours and some people say hello and good morning in the street.

cc

On the estate where I live there is more of a community between my closer neighbours who share a WhatsApp group.
We are mainly in the older age range and everyone rallies round when somebody is ill. As we're older we tend to be more polite I suspect!
We meet for a drink in the garden on Saturdays if the weather is nice, and have parties for celebrations of one kind or another: big anniversaries, national events, any excuse really.
I know that in many areas neighbours are simply hostile all the time which must be very tiring.

That sounds lovely. 🙂 I'd never experienced this kind of community feeling until I moved into sheltered extra care housing, 2 years ago. I was a rather anxious person, didn't like groups of more than 3 or 4 people and had always found it difficult to start a conversation. I was made so welcome, most people here are very kind, and I've been able to join in activities, parties and trips out. I still get anxiety sometimes, especially if I arrive at a meeting at last minute, and the room is full of people, but it soon settles once I get sat down. I've been able to find my voice, and even become treasurer of our community fund. There is a lot of kindness here, there are some who I wouldn't describe as kind, but neither would I describe them as unkind.

I think it's quite telling that when anyone shows kindness to me I'm almost surprised.
Do you think maybe it's because now we have so much access to the internet etc that we're really aware of all the terrible things that happen in the world and the scams targeting innocent people that we're all more withdrawn and nervous of getting involved or helping people just in case?
Also because so many comms are now written via websites like this that people say what they feel without fear of being recognised and it brings out the worst in them.

I never post anything that I wouldn't say face to face.

Most people are kind.

I tend to talk to people when I'm out and most are happy to respond, I think it is partly down to your own attitude.

On the estate where I live there is more of a community between my closer neighbours who share a WhatsApp group.
We are mainly in the older age range and everyone rallies round when somebody is ill. As we're older we tend to be more polite I suspect!
We meet for a drink in the garden on Saturdays if the weather is nice, and have parties for celebrations of one kind or another: big anniversaries, national events, any excuse really.
I know that in many areas neighbours are simply hostile all the time which must be very tiring.

I believe kindness is still there, people don’t feel the need to broadcast about it. I was brought up and brought my own children up that you should never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up. I wouldn’t want my acts of kindness to be broadcast, I only hope that it’s passed along to someone else who needs a helping hand.

No, you see it every time you go out to the shops, and come across helpful salespeople, friendly folk in the queue. No, it's still there.

Remembering Margaret Thatchers constantly stating
There is no such thing as society.

Just the me and not the us.

NO. Definitely not. I see individual acts of kindness everywhere I go, I’m 75 so maybe I’m more away and look out for it - who knows?
Lots of lovely kind people everywhere

I think people can be selfish yes and some greedy! I tend to have friends like myself who would do a kind deed for others if I could help anyone I would a good kind heart goes a long way

I gave noticed since Covid lockdown people have become more selfish, unsure whether it was because people turned into a dog eat dog way of thinking you only had to watch people stock-piling rather than being thoughtful about sharing, hence the supermarkets had to limit supplies. Driving has def got worse since Covid I think everyone forgot the highway code!

What is the opposite of being kind then? Being unkind, nasty, rude? I’m not kind because I want to feel good but because that’s how I would like to be treated. The consequent good feeling is a bonus, but what do unkind people feel I wonder?

Pascal30. That was very kind of the receptionist. She was efficient etc. But also kind. I had the same when I had an MRI and was kinda scared. One of the technicians patted my hand and said "you will be fine" as I was slid into the tube.
That was a kind gesture over and above all the other things she had to do and I was very grateful. I have also seen a dreadful lack of "kindness" as well in the NHS!
I think kindness is deep seated and those who boast about their "kind deeds" are often not kind at all. On Gsnet there is one poster who boasts. But then says quite unpleasant things about her friends/acquaintances. OK its anonymous so I suppose it doesn't really matter we don't know the people, but I don't consider her to be a kind person at all. And the "friends" could recognise themselves.
PS I'm not very kind either. But hope I am considerate to others or at least have tried to be over the years.

Cabowich

^Being kind makes you feel good^

So if being kind is self-serving, is it really being kind?

Yes it is really being kind.

Like doing voluntary work or helping someone else gives most people a good feeling, it’s a “reward”, just not one which is expected or taken for granted

Cabowich

^Being kind makes you feel good^

So if being kind is self-serving, is it really being kind?

So if being kind is self-serving, is it really being kind?

I had the same thought...

But I don't really know the answer.

I don’t think you should be kind just to make yourself feel good, but there’s no doubt that if you show someone kindness, you do feel good, that can’t be a bad thing can it?

Cabowich

^Being kind makes you feel good^

So if being kind is self-serving, is it really being kind?

Only if you are telling everyone about it.
The quiet, warm feeling inside is the best.

I experienced great kindness from my GP receptionist just last evening at 4pm.. I needed to see a GP for an antibiotic prescription, they had no appointments but she went out of her way to ensure that a GP in their other surgery would ring me.. as she left the call she said 'lots of love'.. I have never met her but it was so comforting.. The GP rang within 15 minutes, sent over a prescription to my local pharmacy and I was able to start the course last night..
I think there is much kindness around and as I get older I'm noticing it more..

Cabowich

^Being kind makes you feel good^

So if being kind is self-serving, is it really being kind?

Not necessarily.
If you are kind just to make you feel good, and boast about your kindness, that might be self serving.
If you are happy to do something kind with no expectation of praise or reward or publicity, then how is that self serving?

Being kind makes you feel good

So if being kind is self-serving, is it really being kind?

Farzanah

*Sara1954*. being kind makes you feel good. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here.

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏