Do you think the kindness has gone out of people?

No, kindness seems to be alive and well here. People are happy to help each other and are generally courteous.

I do think we have got better at standing up to other’s and ‘calling out’ unacceptable words and behaviour.

An anecdotal example is of the woman waiting in the supermarket checkout queue who allowed a young mum with a small baby to go ahead of her. Someone in another queue who made a comment about the baby being an excuse for pushing in was quickly told to mind their own business.

Casdon

No, I don’t think the kindness has gone out of people at all. There have always been some that are selfish, but in everyday life there are some amazing people around, family, friends, neighbours and complete strangers who see somebody in trouble and step in. I think we see the worst of people in the media and that colours our views, but there are so many lovely, kind people around us.

Yes, that pretty much sums up how I feel too. Despite all the awful, horrible things which are all around us throughout the world, there are still kind people out there. Even though social media in general does seem to bring out the worst in people, you can always rely on the good ones to stand up and speak out against the worst of it.

On the original message though - re "territorial" about "one's own little plot of land" = and circumstances have changed there.

1. Many people have to manage with very small gardens and so there's literally no room to "share" (eg their car being parked there would equal no room for your car to park there in your own garden etc).

2. I don't know how the law used to be - but these days one has to be very "careful" about sharing anyway - in case the neighbour acquires "legal rights" to keep using your property even if you've decided to withdraw "sharing".

Yep....I've heard of a LOT of people stealing land since I moved here (something I'd never encountered before) and had to make it very plain to my neighbours that the fact a previous owner of my house gave "permission" to use part of my garden didn't mean I was going to give that permission too and also didn't mean they'd acquired any legal rights.

That's the reason many of us have to be quite "firm" about our garden being our garden.

I think that is quite a sweeping statement but could possibly be shaped by any personal incidents sometimes negatives come along like buses and would colour anyone's judgement based on those experiences. I do think people have become more belligerent and combative, particularly in the way they are prone to group think, which I perceive to be exacerbated by social media. With some it really is a case of disagree with their stance at your peril and on the subject of kindness the disingenuous way "be kind" is used these days comes across as rather passive aggressive. Having said all that, I think there are still some very kind people around.

I think things are harsher than they were. I don't remember it as The Norm to try and pull down people for having a different opinion to oneself - but I've seen a lot of people trying to "silence" other people with a different opinion in the last few years.

I remember all those years back at school that we had things like elections for a School Council, there was a debating society and pupils were often urged to argue for the other viewpoint to their own - and I think all that sort of thing was a very valuable lesson in life. I'm not aware of that sort of thing happening in schools these days.

I don't really know how to pinpoint the cause of the change. I know there was:
- Brexit
- Whether to abide by Lockdown or no
- A major unsolved issue (of boats coming across our Channel)
- Different parenting styles (teaching them manners etc v. "gentle" parenting I gather it's called)
- Basically people are put in competition with each other for access to NHS resources (as they get spread thinner and thinner etc)
- It seems to be that it's getting harder and harder to earn one's income from a "normal" job (ie normal hours/pension at the end of it/no health hazards) and I've spotted there's some jealousy centred round that.

All very divisive imo...

So - yep....financial hardship....restrictions on our freedom....more and more overcrowding in our packed country and a general thing of "There are only TWO opinions about anything and, if you don't have the same one as me = you're wrong/you're evil etc etc" sort of attitude. I'm getting quite used to people whispering their opinion about something to me - but not daring to say it openly and I don't see why we shouldn't all be able to state our opinions quite openly and just make the semi-jokey comment of "There's two people in the room - so I guess there's at least three opinions about everything".

So there's all sorts of issues there never used to be (and that's just the ones I'm naming....)

It is very noticeable on GN and most social media that the written text is sometimes very aggressive, people stating their view in a manner that they hopefully would not use face to face. It can be very hurtful and distressing.

In everyday life most people are kind and helpful I find though often shut ourselves off more from acting on behalf of the local community

I was on the receiving end of kindness from many when I was ill recently. There is still a lot of it about.

No I do not think kindness has disappeared.

As for being angry and partisan, I recognise these traits on social media and sometimes on GN N & P threads, but not in everyday real life.

Maybe those who are unkind have problems in life they are dealing with, and then they become snappy or unpleasant?
Or maybe some just don't realise how they come across.
The majority are kind and considerate. I agree that we need to promote this sort of behaviour more because it often gets overlooked.
Kindness is a timeless and universal quality.

I'm kind to people and my neighbours and they are kind to me. We can choose ourselves how we want and need to behave, we don't have to join in, in any nastiness

Do you think the kindness has gone out of people?

No

We had breakfast yesterday in Wetherspoons with our family. The manager told everyone that they would observe the two minutes silence. There were a lot of people in the pub and everyone, young and old, observed it.

RosiesMaw2

It has certainly gone out of Gransnet

I tried GN several years ago and gave up on it pretty quickly because it seemed that most of the threads were dominated by people who just wanted to talk among themselves regardless of the original topic and ignored any other posters in the hope they'd go away.

When came back this year they seemed to have gone but there are still some posters who seem to delight in wrong footing and criticising. I should add that these people are a minority and GN is generally supportive of those who share their problems.

Incidentally, I am in no way connected with any other poster who uses the word Indigo in their handle

I'm not sure I remember a 'gentler' time but I do remember what it was to live in a community but Thatcher stripped all that.

Was she really so powerful she made a whole nation go against their innate selves to become selfish individuals?

Does kindness mean never disagreeing with anybody, even respectfully? I think there is as much kindness as there's ever been, most people are "kind". I've just been shopping in three different shops, everyone I encountered was friendly, apologetic when we got in each other's way, as were the assistants. In M&S at 11 am the two minute silence was observed immaculately, even if one or two groups carried on selecting items, not a sound was heard. Those that carried on shopping showed kindness and respect to those observing the silence by not speaking to each other during it.

I think there's a lot of kindness about.

I've said this before but my work is within the courts and across the country many of our staff teams have spoken about this.

Alongside the crimes / violence we see and hear about daily, there's been a real increase in the sadism (that's the only word I can think of) involved.
I know we see the worst of people in the worst of circumstances but I do feel a lack of empathy in general.

Exactly Casdon.

I was really shocked at the responses to the thread on allowing a neighbour to use shower.

No, I don’t think the kindness has gone out of people at all. There have always been some that are selfish, but in everyday life there are some amazing people around, family, friends, neighbours and complete strangers who see somebody in trouble and step in. I think we see the worst of people in the media and that colours our views, but there are so many lovely, kind people around us.

RosiesMaw2

It has certainly gone out of Gransnet

To a great extent, yes it has, but there are still some threads where posters are kind and supportive of one another. The News and Politics threads are anything but kind.

It has certainly gone out of Gransnet

I'm not sure I remember a 'gentler' time but I do remember what it was to live in a community but Thatcher stripped all that.

People knew that if you watched out for your neighbour they would watch out for you.

Then it became all about the individual, slowly that sense of I'm doing this for myself encroached and now we have seen the consequences.

People are more angry because they are afraid of what they see as 'threats.'

They are territorial because they have been encouraged to own their own little plots of land and woe betide anyone who encroaches on it.

They are partisan because they seek out those who are like them and who the media courts. We then see how this grows everyday on our screens.

I find it sad but there are still plenty of caring kind people out there it's just they are of little or no interest to the media.