New Gran

Our first grandson was born 9 weeks early. DD and SiL needed our help, tidying the house after her waters broke and they had to leave in a hurry during the night. We were allowed into the neonatal unit to see him and give support to his parents. Sil's parents had just gone on holiday. We felt very privileged, proud, anxious, scared. Said grandson has just turned 11. Neither DD would have wanted to be left alone but I think a lot of new parents request this now. I don't know what DS and partner would want but doesn't look like they will have children. Cat is enough!

rafichagran

Marydoll I can understand why you were emotional. I am glad everything went well after thr heartache.
I worried at the lack of emotion I had for my babies. I loved them though as I said.
I also had a still born stunningly beutiful son, it took me ages to cry.

Rachifgran, 💐

I don't want to elaborate, but it took fifteen years to find out I was the carrier of a defective gene, which affected my son's fertility.
All those wasted years, for which I, felt responsible. To this day, I still carry that burden.

Marydoll I can understand why you were emotional. I am glad everything went well after thr heartache.
I worried at the lack of emotion I had for my babies. I loved them though as I said.
I also had a still born stunningly beutiful son, it took me ages to cry.

All I said to my daughter 18 years ago, was let me know when your ready

When both our GC, (our son’s children) arrived, we were invited to come and meet them the first night they came home, which we were pleased to do, but we didn’t stay long.

Our DD’s three children were born in Australia. We met the first when he was about two months old, the second at about four weeks, the third at nearly a year. If they had been in this country, it would have been sooner.

All this keeping you apart and ‘bonding’ nowadays…..

🤨

rafichagran

I was invited too, I certainly would not push it either. Its lovely you felt emotional as well. I wish I did but I just didn't. I still love them though.

One baby was an IVF baby born after fifteen years of heartache, the other baby's dad suffered from anaphylaxis on a number of occasions as a child, I never thought he would reach adulthood.

Many congratulations .
None of my children wanted parents around at the time of birth or afterwards .
This caused a great deal of upset with one of the grandmothers , who likes to be involved with everything .
It's a special time for the parents and that has to be respected .
One daughter changed her mind and wanted my help as soon as she went home fron the hospital .
It is cold and flu season and it's important to keep a newborn safe .

I was invited too, I certainly would not push it either. Its lovely you felt emotional as well. I wish I did but I just didn't. I still love them though.

I saw both my granddaughters (different sons) in hospital the day after they were born. This was at the parents invitation, we didn't push it.
I could not believe how emotional I was.

Again thanks for feedback re flu/cold abso agree I avoid visiting vunerables if I had signs of any virus I stay away from folk including my elderly parents.

Congratulations Fajita - be patient - wonderful times ahead !!

Macadia

Also, if your daughter was in the hospital, it would be customary for you to check on her, regardless of whether or not a baby was the cause.

The same goes for the son. I have a son and a daughter and both my adult children were inclusive when the Grandchildren came.

Also, if your daughter was in the hospital, it would be customary for you to check on her, regardless of whether or not a baby was the cause.

Leave them be to get into some sort of a system. They will invite people over when they have sorted themselves out.

Hithere

We are in the middle of flu/cold season -
It could be deadly for an infant.

Respect the parents and you will reap the rewards - you are not being excluded

If what you are saying is right the flu/colds could easily come from the maternal Grandparents and the rest of their family who visited.
I can understand OP feels excluded,but like she said she can do nothing about it. I am glad my daughter was not like that.

We are in the middle of flu/cold season -
It could be deadly for an infant.

Respect the parents and you will reap the rewards - you are not being excluded

I didnt think the need for extended bonding is socially constructed. For me it was natural instinct as a new mother. Sharing a newborn around with others IS socially constructed.

That happens I'm afraid.
I can remember the excitement when DGD1 was born 18 yearsago. We were lucky to be able to visit them in hospital as she was kept in for a few days after a c section. DDiL's parents had already been with their DD which is natural, surely.
Congratulations to you all.

I definitely don't think it should be 5 weeks till you meet the little one lol. Parents can bond perfectly well with a grandparent popping in for a visit. This need for an extended period of parent/baby bonding is socially constructed. What makes me laugh is this is often the same parents who dump their offspring to head back to the office. They may even 'dump' on the grandparents. Congratulations to you. I would just keep in contact by phone and try to gauge best way forward.

Thanks for advice peeps is appreciated and yes if shoe were on other foot you would not see me for years lol. I wrongly assumed that I would be allowed a quick visit in hospital but was told no however the maternal gps and siblings were all there but there is not much I can do thats why I joined here for advice as I would never say anything to either of them im just a wee bit sad. Babs I will defo look at this option of delivering stuff to them as I am a terrible cook I would be delivering them pot noodles

I wouldn’t feel excluded at all you have been sent photos! It’s the parents special time to bond with their baby! It’s very early days!

Mother has to heal. I would plan on waiting 5 weeks or so. It's a special time for the parents and a fragile time for the baby to be outside of the womb. Let them get used to the chaos and wait patiently and quietly. Congratulations on your new title.

Congratulations. What an exciting time but also a stressful one I imagine for the new parents, can understand the need for them to settle in with the baby.
But you can show how much you care by sending a nice care package, pick out sone really nice edible treads from Waitrose etc., and Deliveroo will deliver it promptly, nice soups, special artisan breads, other easy to eat foods and choccies or nice desserts.
Will keep them going through the early days.
All the best
🌺🙏🏾

Why would they think you don't care? The baby's only 3 days old, you've had loads of photo's so just be patient.