Looking after grandchildren

I help extensively with one set of grandchildren. 14,7 and 6 they all live with me so I am expected to take on a co parent role by my youngest DD. I am exhausted! 2 of the boys are ASD all three are highly energetic and my daughter is a very tricky personality. Yes I love them and want the absolute best for them but do I feel fed up at having no time or energy for myself? Yes absolutely. I dont feel guilty about feeling like this. I have had serious health problems myself in the last few years and long for a bit of time to enjoy myself. Something I never get to do currently. Yes I know they will grow up and I will miss the younger years but at the moment I feel a bit sorry for myself

Grandparents should enjoy every single minute they spend with their grandchildren. We did a lot of looking after the little ones (two gorgeous girls). Alas they now live in America but because of the wonderful times we spent with them when they were young, we still have a fantastic bond with them, even though they are now teenagers

An interesting read but just one view of being a hands-on grandparent.
I have helped all my children out with childcare and with 9 grandchildren must have saved them thousands in the process. However, it is a two-way street. It is both a pleasure and a privilege to have played such a part in their young lives. I still do school pick ups 3 days a week for the youngest 4 and always on hand to ferry them here and there and it gets quite hectic come the school breaks. One thing I would not tolerate, though, is the rudeness and orders that the lady in the Telegraph article puts up with. I don't feed them rubbish but we do have treats and if they want my help then my rules apply when I look after them.

We have 9 dgc and will cancel things if a child needs our help with childcare.

It is never expected of us but we are always ready to step in.

For me it’s a great privilege to be able to look after my younger grandchildren. Both my older children lived in the Antipodes whilst their children were young and I was still working. I’ve know my 3 younger grandchildren all their lives and I’ve enjoyed watching them and helping with their care for most of their lives.

These days the two youngest are 10 next week and I have them after school two days a week for their single parent mum. Sometimes I get a bit frustrated as we can’t just book a last minute trip but my daughters are very supportive of me and DH as well.

Everyone is different but for me the positives outweigh the negatives a hundred times over.

I have different style relationships with my older grandchildren that has grown over time and is also thoroughly enjoyable. They take me out for breakfast, ask advice about sewing (grandson) and discuss their work and very grown up lives.

I’m blessed.

I live 200 miles away from my GC so if I help out it's occasional and prearraanged. I hope to live nearer but decluttering and moving is a big deal. However I have made it clear if I live nearer I would only do emergencies to cover illness etc and occasional babysitting. My DS and DiL both work and can afford childcare and so far I've only helped out when the grandson's nursery closed when they were able to get time off. I think some GPs volunteer too much early on and then find they resent it. It's also difficult if you do for one adult child then it may be expected by another. I understand it is difficult if parents can't afford the childcare but thankfully that isn't the case for me.

I was a stay at home mum as I didn't need to work financially, and didn't love my career so didn't want to return to work while my children were small. I eventually got a part time job that fitted around the family when my other half could do the childcare. Both our parents lived at a distance so any childcare we used either had to be paid for or arranged with friends in emergencies. We hardly ever went out together socially, as getting babysitters was difficult. We did eventually find a few reliable teenagers to babysit but still didn't go out much. It possibly helped that I was an older mum, so had done the partying before having children, so didn't mind staying at home. However my sister in law had both her parents and my mum living locally so took advantage of them to give childcare just so she could go shopping with a friend. She woud leave her boys with my mum to have a shopping trip and lunch out with her own mum and sister and when my mum suggested they came back to her's for lunch they declined! I feel sad that my mum, who was widowed, had a raw deal and was taken advantage of. The fact that she told me must mean she felt left out and maybe a bit lonely, while she rarely saw my children as we lived 200 miles away. As a GP myself now I wish I'd made the effort to visit more as my children didn't have the level of relationship with her that woud have been good for them and for her. I do envy friends whose GC live nearby as they have so much more contact, but keeping the balance is important and no-one should be made to feel obliged to help out more than they are willing and able to.

Madeleine45 that so resonates with me, snap!

I was born in 1945 and somehow friends of my generation seem to have rather drawn the short straw. Still rationing definitley sweets til about 1953 , and many other things. We lived in Yorkshire and walked 3/4mile to school for infants and juniors, and then about half a mile to railway station and a journey to the grammar school, and another half mile at the other end to walk , come hail come shine. As teenagers then , we were expected do our share of jobs, go and get shopping etc , with a very small amount of pocket money. No telling the adults what you would and wouldnt do. Then an adult , married and saving and working hard to get
started with a home. Happy to have second hand furniture until we could save to have what we would like. Then with a family but not living anywhere near relatives , only sorted any childcare with friends and share and share alike. Then later the mortgage went up to 15% and our careful budget was wrecked and we scrimped and saved to keep going. As all parents we did without to bring up the family , and by the time they were teenagers they had far more opportunities than we had had. Then they moved away and we helped where we could to set them up. The grandchildren come along and we are delighted to see them but now it is not the pleasure of them coming to stay for a few days or you taking them out as it fitted in with the family. If we are anywhere near our children we are having to make serious commitments to childcare, whether that is being part of the actual after school care each week, or ferrying them to and fro, or having to cancel our plans to look after a sick child as their parents cant have sudden time off from work etc.
One of my oldest friends and I had plans to see much more of each other when we retired. Due to her son being on a two year course in the south east - which will be beneficial in the long run - She and the other grandmother are taking week and week about travelling down to stay and look after the children, because child care is so expensive there. Of course we want to help our families and do our best but at the age of 79 we have managed a couple of lunchs together meeting in the middle, but havent even been able to have a couple of days b and b , never mind having a week together. We also of course were the Waspi women, where our carefully planned retirement was ruined by the retiring date going up and up and again all your sensible planning came to nothing. I have had some great times and love my family as do all my friends , but now we are seen as the oldies who are getting all the houses or hospital beds etc etc, with no acknowledgment of our hard work and efforts for the community. So watch out for the pink pigs flying overhead. Let me know wont you as that will be the day I will feel well, have the time and money to go out and have a good day with my friend!! If there is reincarnation I am definitely coming back a as a cat!!!

Totally agree with you GrannyGravy13.
I looked after my first GS from him being 11 weeks old, for 3 days a week, until he started nursery, then I picked him up, and had him for the afternoons.
Now I look after his baby brother 2 days a week, and do school pickup. I'm called on when he's poorly, sometimes school holidays, and I love it.
We have a lovely bond, and I enjoy seeing them growing up. Yes it's tiring, and hardwork, but it's not forever, and I'm proud to be trusted and needed by my family.
My own mom did the same for me, for my first son, but moaned quite a lot, and told me she wouldn't do it when my second son was born. I was put out at the time, we didn't fall out over it, but I felt hurt.
Now I do it myself, and do understand her view, it's not for everyone.

I adore our grandchildren. I help out occasionally when asked and love doing so. Probably because from the get-go when I was 57y and became grandma it was on my terms. I’m a grandmother not a surrogate mum.

I was quite a young granny ,my first GC was born when I was 49,my lovely husband offered my daughter a jobshare with me when baby was 3 weeks old so she had him mornings and I had him afternoons .When her second child was born we just kept that routine going.
While they were wee I could still do paperwork or PR while they slept ,it worked very well.
GC no3 I saw 2or 3 times a week along with GC no 2 who was then3 years old .Then my son and his partner split so he came home and brought the baby with him.She livedwithus half of every week night and day for just over 10 years .I loved having her ,she only left when her dad and his new partner had a baby so she decided a wee sister was a bigger attraction.
She still has a room here 5 years on and when her cousins come to stay for weekends she moves back in.We love having them .They are bright and funny and very entertaining and I wouldn’t change a thing We are very lucky

I help with GC -between our 3 children we now have 4 grandchildren. There aren't many days when I'm not doing a school pick up or drop off or once a week having the youngest pre schooler -which means a 45 minute drive each way for an afternoon or the whole day.Plus their dogs to stay or walk.But I do make sure DH and I get some days completely to ourselves in-between.And tell them in advance when we're on holiday and won't be available.
But our daughters also help each other a lot eg one has school holidays and has the children of her sister when she is working.So that relieves us.But I don't resent it.I feel lucky to have a close supportive family.And only this morning as our granddaughter and I were walking to school chatting I did think how fast her childhood is going.Plus DH still works and finances for us mean we couldn't be away as much as some of our friends who holiday non stop.Nor would I want to either.Family,home ,our garden and pets are my happy place.And I do occasionally switch off my phone and become unavailable sometimes!

I cannot access the full article, I must reiterate that despite doing a lot of childcare I do not resent it.

It is a privilege to be trusted with one’s children’s children.

No surprise. Grandparents you have to be upfront with the parents . When my youngest son had his children, I was straight and said that I would help out with baby-sitting occasionally, but that I would not be able to do daily nursery runs, etc. I was already committed to helping out with my daughter’s children, and had a part-time job too. It was a bit awkward at first, but I felt no guilt, as my d.I.l. had young parents, and besides, my son could afford childcare , if required .

We are those grandparents.

I have always looked after the GC when needed, we do a lot of childcare for DD as her children go to school next door but one to our home, and she works.

I stay at DS’s with the teens when DS & DiL go away on their own, have other DS’s two when he treats DiL to a weekend spa break.

I have them when they are poorly if parents cannot work from home.

Do I resent this, only very rarely for a split second after a particularly stressful couple of hours.

They will only need me for a short time in their lives, I love them dearly and I know our AC appreciate our help.

The strong bonds we have with all the GC and the memories we have made, absolutely priceless.

I can't access it Luckygirl but I'm sure the content would come as no surprise. There are a lot of GP's who have to organise their time around looking after GC and as much as I wish we could have known ours, I don't envy the ones whose lives are dictated by the childcare they're providing.