Going off to Boarding school as eight year old girls

I'm getting rather confused now.

Greyduster

I’ve had people say to me “Oh you don’t pay taxes do you, or fuel bills or rates? Everything is provided for you.” No. Our income was taxed like everyone else’s; we paid accommodation charges which included our fuel, and we paid council tax in this country. I can’t see how knowing the truth about the way a whole community exists and getting to know and understand them better has anything to do with “turmoil or of war”.
We were very good friends with a retired American couple - USAF - that we were neighbours with in Belgium when he was still serving. We often used to visit them in Thetford. We got to know a lot about the way that the American forces lived and worked in Norfolk and Suffolk. It was an eye opener.

My husband is well acquainted with forces people in Suffolk. Their life is truly eye opening. Most, if spouse is with, are quite ready to go home! They seem to much prefer Asia, if living outside the US.

Allira

^I suspect you are correct, many people know nothing of the forces. Seems that is a good thing indicating less turmoil of war.^
I don't understand that statement either.

Yes, we paid rent in Forces accommodation and household bills just like normal people! In fact, some of us had jobs too. I worked for the Health Authority and in Local Government. 😁

Well, you quoted me. I meant I suppose having no knowledge of the forces could indicate people know less of the turmoil of war, currently. Or perhaps just don't know anyone in forces?

Given I left our words important to my meaning.

I suspect you are correct, many people know nothing of the forces. Seems that is a good thing indicating less turmoil of war.
I don't understand that statement either.

Yes, we paid rent in Forces accommodation and household bills just like normal people! In fact, some of us had jobs too. I worked for the Health Authority and in Local Government. 😁

I’ve had people say to me “Oh you don’t pay taxes do you, or fuel bills or rates? Everything is provided for you.” No. Our income was taxed like everyone else’s; we paid accommodation charges which included our fuel, and we paid council tax in this country. I can’t see how knowing the truth about the way a whole community exists and getting to know and understand them better has anything to do with “turmoil or of war”.
We were very good friends with a retired American couple - USAF - that we were neighbours with in Belgium when he was still serving. We often used to visit them in Thetford. We got to know a lot about the way that the American forces lived and worked in Norfolk and Suffolk. It was an eye opener.

Greyduster
I wonder how many children were actually impacted, divorced parents, mission work, forces (are there no schools as at Lakenheath air station?)

As far as I know, the schools at Lakenheath are run by the Americans for the Americans. I may be wrong.
With British forces, the problem only arises at secondary stage age 11. British bases have British schools for their junior children. At NATO bases British children attend schools run by the Americans and the Canadians, but they do not follow the British curriculum.

Thank you for explaining. Schools exist at Lakenheath for the East Anglia American children. I believe American children attend school on the air station until leaving age. As you tell, we don't provide forces children schooling past age 11, why is children's schooling not prioritized?

My husband's job leads to much interaction with the American forces at the nearby air stations. They explain all sorts of interesting situations. It seems many of the spouses stay put in USA with their children, preferring to not raise them in difficult circumstance, and spouses want to work, remain in decent jobs.

Of course some spouses & children do move to East Anglia, the person in forces location, thus the air station school.

While we were travelling around in the course of DH’s career, we came across some very strange misconceptions that civilians held about service people. It seems to me that some of them still endure.

I suspect you are correct, many people know nothing of the forces. Seems that is a good thing indicating less turmoil of war.

My late DH boarded from the age of seven, as did his two brothers. He was very sporty and did in fact thrive, although he said the beginning was upsetting, with boys crying at night. I do feel seven was too young.

Later on, our son was offered the same opportunity, but fiercely resisted it and went to a school not far away which offered boarding ad hoc and he enjoyed that on rare occasions.

I had a very unhappy childhood and dreamt of boarding!

I had my 7th birthday at boarding school. There was only one child younger than me, but he had his older brother there with him and seemed to be coping ok. I hated it.

What is the evidence that adults who went to boarding school have any more problems in life than those who went to day schools. Some of the problems may be different, but not less frequent.

I've not seen any yet.

Our friends' children went to boarding schools from the age of about 10 and seem very well-adjusted adults.

M0nica is correct. I think some surveys reveal that around 50% of state school day children identify that school has a negative effect on their mental health. Namely the stress, the workload, the rules and difficult relationships. As seen in the film, sometimes boarding school can actually help to relieve these pressures with the emphasis on sport, outdoor fun, communal eating and a clear routine.
Different problems in different settings, but most grow into normal unproblematic adults.

Bonnybanko

BS to my mind stands for something else, never in the month of Sundays could I ever send my child to Bs I preferred hugs and kisses every day from my babies even when they’ve grown up. They’re so precious and you can never recover from this type of separation even if you believe your child is happy, don’t be such a snob, children at state schools can do just as well as bs and public school in loving family circumstances

You, like all the others stating your opinion, have yet to tell us what they would do if in the position of service and diplomatic families. The 'I would change my job' is a cop out, some people are able to do this, but that is not always practical - and how would our armed forces, diplomatic services and other professions manage, if everyone dropped out as soon as they became a parent. It is easy to say 'change jobs' but that is not always easy.

Recent research has shown that it is far too easy to blame the later mental and other problems of children who went to boarding school on their schooling. Often these adults also had troubled family backgrounds as well and as many of their problems arose from the interplay between school and family, where the child was unhappy at home as well as unhappy at school.

There is also a failure to realise that the biggest rise in mental health problems is in children attending state day schools and living at home with their not always loving families.

What is the evidence that adults who went to boarding school have any more problems in life than those who went to day schools. Some of the problems may be different, but not less frequent.

I don't think home schooling would have been a better option for the mums in the film. They're already struggling in an emotional place with their husband's being away at war, (I think they said Afghanistan), without the added responsibility of teaching their child the curriculum. It wouldn't be the right environment for either the mum or the child.

I wonder how many children were actually impacted, divorced parents, mission work, forces (are there no schools as at Lakenheath air station?).
As far as I know, the schools at Lakenheath are run by the Americans for the Americans. I may be wrong.
With British forces, the problem only arises at secondary stage age 11. British bases have British schools for their junior children. At NATO bases British children attend schools run by the Americans and the Canadians, but they do not follow the British curriculum. The British children are usually a year or two ahead of the Americans and this leaves them treading water. DD was bright, and bored rigid. It was as if she had started school all over again. The decision was made to move her and several other British children into the Canadian school’s immersion system, where all their lessons take place in French and English is barely spoken. It was truly amazing. She was challenged. She thrived. Our posting ended when she was just short of eleven. Had we stayed there she would have had to board either in this country or at the British school at Rheindahlen Garrison in Germany. There was simply no provision for a secondary education that followed our model.
It’s easy for people to say “why doesn’t the mother stay at home with the children and provide stability?” How many of you would like to be separated from your husband for two or three years at a time. Being both mother and father to your two young children is hard on you and on them, believe me, and it affected my husband too. We were lucky it was only a year but not a year I would like to repeat. When he boarded my son spent all his long holidays with us and at half terms he stayed here in South Yorkshire with my very laid back sister in her large rambling house with her five rowdy boys for company, one of whom was the same age as he was. He loved it. Many of our friends had children at boarding school also and none of them took the decision to send them lightly. I don’t know of any of those children that was scarred by the experience. The decision as to whether we would have to send DD away to school came towards the end of DH’s career in the Army and so, for the sake of three years, he opted for his last posting in York instead of Hong Kong and came home every weekend to a house which we had bought.
While we were travelling around in the course of DH’s career, we came across some very strange misconceptions that civilians held about service people. It seems to me that some of them still endure.

Tamayra

Why don’t the Mums homeschool their children ?
We traveled a lot children came with us & we’re homeschooled
They’ve turned out just fine & are very competent in life They love traveling themselves have careers they love & are loving adults. Best way to go in my view

Why shouldn't parents have the right to chose boarding, just as you had the right to chose home schooling?

Why are you to be seen as "right" while they are to be seen as "wrong"?

I will just add the young man himself said it was his school life that messed him up he was insecure and had missed so much home life

I m not judging those that do, but saying that I never could
I only have really known one person who went to boarding school at a very young age and in adult life he was totally effed up could not manage relationships and dived in at the deep end without the ability to work relationships out at all and his inability messed up other people (and he was a lovely lad)

I was a RAF service wife and everywhere we went there were ‘on base’ schools perhaps we were just lucky … and I divorced before the youngest was school age but I couldn’t have been parted from my kids for a million pounds

BS to my mind stands for something else, never in the month of Sundays could I ever send my child to Bs I preferred hugs and kisses every day from my babies even when they’ve grown up. They’re so precious and you can never recover from this type of separation even if you believe your child is happy, don’t be such a snob, children at state schools can do just as well as bs and public school in loving family circumstances

Why don’t the Mums homeschool their children ?
We traveled a lot children came with us & we’re homeschooled
They’ve turned out just fine & are very competent in life They love traveling themselves have careers they love & are loving adults. Best way to go in my view

The decision to send a child to boarding school depends on individual circumstances and values. It's a deeply personal choice, and what's right for one family might not be for another. What's most important is ensuring that the child is happy and thriving and that you believe, and they understand, that you are doing the best you can in the circumstances that exist for you.

Judging by the demographic on Gransnet, parents had often been in the forces protecting this country before, during, and/or just after the war or in other times of threat to this country. More recently families often decide, at critical times in education, to settle in one place. This then splits the couple and one parent is much less hands on. This, just like those who chose boarding school, may work for some and not for others. Just like those who board verses those who don't, some thrive in the environment parents provide and some don't. However, the vast majority of parents do what they feel to be the best for their families.

If those being judged were to judge the parenting of those who think they know what was best for others, I wonder how they would be seen? No one gets parenting 100% right.

Sending children away to boarding school in today's world isn't really giving them up. In modern boarding schools, the parents are very much the deciding force in their child's education and care. It's a partnership between the school and the parents, and technology has made it far easier for parents to stay very involved in all aspects of their child's life.
Children may be away from their parents in a physical sense, but it doesn't mean they can't feel their parents' presence in other ways.

I'm with BlueBelle.
We would have changed career rather than give up our children.

I did meet a family 20 years ago who home educated rather than give up an army career. I assume that they were posted to places where home education is legal but didn't really know them. They were friends of friends.

Primrose53

Allira

He has had a variety of low paid jobs like gardening, decorating etc

Good for him. At least he has been working and in fact our gardener and decorator are not low paid, nor are any I know!

I see you missed out the next sentence which was about his alcohol problems. His life was seriously messed up by his parents not listening to him.

Oh, I probably did.
Apologies. I was just thinking about how much gardeners and decorators charge here and we're in the sticks, not the South-east.
I still say good for him working if he has problems too.

I longed to go to boarding school. All those Mallory Towers, Chalet School and St Clares books! A couple of friends did go at age 11 and loved it.

icanhandthemback

My sister has been so damaged by going to Boarding School at the age of 5. I saw it as a lucky escape from a chaotic, abusive family life but there were so many things I didn't learn about family relationships, etc which have left their mark. I was extremely lonely at Boarding School and it took years for me to overcome the feeling of a being a social outcast. I would never, ever have sent my kids away. I loved having them home after school and during the holidays.

Are you suggesting that parents of children at boarding school would not have loved to have their children home after school and during the holidays? - by the way most boarders did go home for the holidays.

That is an unjust and untrue slur on parents who had to make this hard decision, and did so with deep sadness and grief.

Allira

^He has had a variety of low paid jobs like gardening, decorating etc^

Good for him. At least he has been working and in fact our gardener and decorator are not low paid, nor are any I know!

I see you missed out the next sentence which was about his alcohol problems. His life was seriously messed up by his parents not listening to him.

I would have gone to boarding school if I hadn’t passed the 11 plus, as my parents didn’t think the local secondary moderns and private schools were good enough. I did several entrance exams. The prospect didn’t worry me at all. I saw it as an adventure. However, it didn’t happen, so my feelings were never tested.

I once had a boyfriend who was sent to boarding school when he was seven. He felt it was a failure on the part of his parents. I lost touch with him, so I don’t know what he did about his own children.