Going off to Boarding school as eight year old girls

Greyduster

^The "I would never have sent my children to boarding school" crowd don't seem to have ever been confronted by the need to decide. How arrogant to think those whose parents were got it wrong^.
This. Thank you.

Indeed.

Yes, wrong to say "I wouldn't" - well, neither would I, we'd send to day school, as I said. However my husband was never forced by his job to decide if he should quit or they should board.

I wonder how many children were actually impacted, divorced parents, mission work, forces (are there no schools as at Lakenheath air station?).

It's like anything else, people feel differently, no right or wrong.

The "I would never have sent my children to boarding school" crowd don't seem to have ever been confronted by the need to decide. How arrogant to think those whose parents were got it wrong.
This. Thank you.

The "I would never have sent my children to boarding school" crowd don't seem to have ever been confronted by the need to decide. How arrogant to think those whose parents were got it wrong.

My sister has been so damaged by going to Boarding School at the age of 5. I saw it as a lucky escape from a chaotic, abusive family life but there were so many things I didn't learn about family relationships, etc which have left their mark. I was extremely lonely at Boarding School and it took years for me to overcome the feeling of a being a social outcast. I would never, ever have sent my kids away. I loved having them home after school and during the holidays.

eight is a step to far, how very upset that little girl was while away and when home for a short break cuddling up to her mummy sucking her thumb. Ten is a better option in my opinion..

I wonder how many of you watched the film in the op.

As usual, there are plenty of opinions on here from people who actually know very little about the subject. People's children usually board for a reason and I find the idea of people en masse saying boarding at 8 is cruel really offensive. I'm sure there are GNs apart from me whose children did board from a very young age but they're keeping quiet in the face of all the ill informed statements on here. Both of our children weekly boarded from the age of 8 at a fairly local private school

There are many different contexts to making the decision to send a child to Boarding school and as an ex boarder I am glad that I never had to consider/make such choices. It is good that it worked for you and your family Gramma

I think that weekly boarding is a very different beast to termly boarding. Historically boarding was not just largely linked to Service families or very privileged rich families. The whole Missionary Society set up incorporated a principle of children being left in Boarding school. In the 1930's there was no travel to family in the holidays so guardians were appointed and children didn't see their parents for the whole, usually 7 year, "term of service" after which parents returned home for a years furlough. In the 1950's/60's missionary societies started paying for flights for the children for one summer holiday in a 5 year term of service!

None of those who so catagorically say they would never send their children to boarding school have told us what they would have done, if they had been a forces family, constantly on the move who, as I described in a previous post

What if the alternative was for their children to go to 10 or more schools and, as a result leave school semi-literate and innunerate with no paper qualifications?

Some children were damaged by going to boarding school, but just as many children have grown up damaged by their experience living at home and going to the local secondary school.

I went to boarding school as did my sisters and I still had a close relationship with my parents and have had none of the doom laden effects that therapist, with a living to earn, prophesise.

I have also met children, who were dragged through multiple house changes and numerous schools, ending up with no qualifications that were just as mixed up and traumatised as the result of their education as any that went to boarding school.

I can understand how people who sent their children to boarding school or who went to boarding school are defending the method and of course it’s different for everyone we each have to know what’s right for us
I can only talk for myself and know I could never have sent my kids away, ever those bedtime stories, tucking them up, the cuddles when they were upset, the showing them how to manage problems, the looking after when they were ill I wouldn’t have missed anything for the world
Watching that little girl cuddling her teacher when all she really wanted was her mum was heartbreaking
I was left with three children and no money no support except my lovely parents. For a year me and the three children slept in one double bed 2 up 2 down we had a shared toilet down a dark landing that I d have to go with each of them to, each time but I could no more have missed that time than chop my arms off
My children and all my grandchildren have done very well in life with ordinary education in ordinary schools

I woujd never have sent my children to boarding school and have come across several people still distressed as adults about it - most especially a woman of 42 who was still asking her Vicar father and wife why they sent her away before her siblings even tho older than them . Still distressed .

In my childhood army postings were usually accompanied

Yes.

Whereas RN personnel, unless they were lucky to get a shore base or rare Married Accompanied, were usually at sea. I understand thee deployments are shorter now but they used to be for at least 12 months and, in my DF's early days, 2¾ years.

In my childhood army postings were usually accompanied, that meant when the army person moved their family moved with them and accommoation was provided.

Wherever we went accommodation we lived in a fully furnshed army quarter. We just had to move in andunpack our personal effects. My father worked a normal 9 - 5 day, coming home for lunch as well as at the end of the day because the quarter was so near his place of work.

Army life is very social, but, again most of it is/was on a family or couple basis, with only the monthly Mess Dinner being for serving members only.

The reason many, mainly non-officer ranks, have difficulty settling is because many of them join the army, consciously or not because they want structure in their lives, quite a number have had chaotic childhoods. They thrive as servicemen/women, with that structure around them, but when they leave the army that structure goes too and they are back to where they were before they joined up and they find it difficult to recreate that structure. This is why you find so many ex service people working in other uniformed or structured invironments like in the police, prison warders, security industry.

As usual, there are plenty of opinions on here from people who actually know very little about the subject. People's children usually board for a reason and I find the idea of people en masse saying boarding at 8 is cruel really offensive. I'm sure there are GNs apart from me whose children did board from a very young age but they're keeping quiet in the face of all the ill informed statements on here. Both of our children weekly boarded from the age of 8 at a fairly local private school. We were unhappy with the teaching at the local primary school and felt it was failing our children. In addition, at the time, we were both working 12/14 hours a day, 7 days a week on our family dairy farm. Day school pick ups and drop offs coincided with the busiest time of day then, after school, when the children were playing at others' houses or having friends round or doing after school activities, we'd again be tied up and not able to take them places. We knew that, at boarding school, they'd have friends on hand and lots of after school activities. Our daughter always loved school & was always happy and got a scholarship at 13 to a well known co ed public school where she boarded some long way from home & immersed herself in the life there, ending up a senior prefect with lifelong friends. Our son was never quite as keen as his sister but probably would've disliked any school, boarding or not. Like all parents I'm sure, we did what we thought was best for them at the time. They are both well rounded characters approaching their 40s with excellent jobs and I don't feel that they've been in any way disturbed by their experiences. In fact, our son is sorry that he can't afford to send his boys to boarding school. I'd be very pleased to hear of any other GNs with children who have boarded and enjoyed their school time.

I think weekly boarding must be quite different Suzie than being away full time. I only knew one person who did that though.

I suppose, if the parents' jobs are abroad, moving every two or three years and local education is not good, then the option of boarding schools giving some stability is a good option. Particularly if it is funded by the employer.

Maybe I'm thick, but I've never seen the point of having children if you aren't going to bring them up.

Neilspurgeon0

This is very much an Army thing. I was Navy and whilst I spent a long time away from my family, they were with their Mum in the home I had set up close to the port where most of my ships docked, and obviously got home as much as possible.

The Army expect SNCOs and Officers to have more concern for their barracks and the mess than the ‘normality’ of family life. It is a key reason why so many ex Army and many ex RAF chaps do not settle when they leave. This is very different from the majority of Naval NCOs who often borrow the money from the Navy to set up a home base with a stable home life, not that long after we marry.

I could never have considered consigning my children to Boarding School, my uncle who worked in Nigeria, sent his son who hated it and was always running away - usually to our home or his Grand ma’s.

Yes, while you were off sailing the Seven Seas and being entertained when the ship docked in foreign ports, your OH was at home coping with the house, garden, children, perhaps a job and everything that entails.

Army and RAF families were more likely to get a Married Accompanied than Naval families, too

My Father was born in Kenya and when his mother (my grandmother) died my grandfather sent him and his younger brother and sister back to boarding establishments in England My father being the oldest was told to look after them. He was four years old.

I had a colleague who was divorced whose son was at boarding school, and she used to collect him on Friday afternoon and return him on a Monday morning. He did very well and was very happy at school and she said she thought it was because he was settled and he enjoyed the routine.

The Army expect SNCOs and Officers to have more concern for their barracks and the mess than the ‘normality’ of family life. It is a key reason why so many ex Army and many ex RAF chaps do not settle when they leave.
I’m speechless! The Army nor the RAF expect no such thing of their officers and NCO’s! I’ve never read such a load of twaddle in all my life! One of my first neighbours as a service wife was a Naval Yeoman’s wife. She saw so little of him that when he came home his children didn’t recognise him! He left the Navy when she threatened to leave him!!

I used to teach in a boarding school which offered flexi boarding. I had a lot to do with the full boarders because many were from abroad and my role was to support them with their English language. I must say that all the girls (aged 11 -18)appeared to be very happy. They were able to use the school’s facilities out of hours and were frequently taken out at weekends to Chinese restaurants ( the majority were from Hong Kong),sporting activities or the theatre. Many have kept in touch and all say they enjoyed their boarding experience.

This is very much an Army thing. I was Navy and whilst I spent a long time away from my family, they were with their Mum in the home I had set up close to the port where most of my ships docked, and obviously got home as much as possible.

The Army expect SNCOs and Officers to have more concern for their barracks and the mess than the ‘normality’ of family life. It is a key reason why so many ex Army and many ex RAF chaps do not settle when they leave. This is very different from the majority of Naval NCOs who often borrow the money from the Navy to set up a home base with a stable home life, not that long after we marry.

I could never have considered consigning my children to Boarding School, my uncle who worked in Nigeria, sent his son who hated it and was always running away - usually to our home or his Grand ma’s.

I went to boarding school at the age of nine. The only reason for this was that my father left my mother when she was pregnant with me and returned to the uk from Canada. My father never made any financial contributions to us, and so my mother had no alternative than to get a serious full time job, and there was no one else to look after my sister and I after school. This was in the fifties, and the school, although it looks fabulous today on its website, was very spartan by today’s standards. I rarely saw my sister. My mother sobbed when I was formally handed over to the school, but I was fine. I absolutely understood why we were there and never doubted that she would have loved to have us with her.

We survived, it wasn’t so bad and we had a lot of opportunities that we wouldn’t have had at a local school and I think it made us resilient. I would never have considered sending my own children unless circumstances made it absolutely necessary.

Yes I agree Monica that is exactly what I am saying, it's right for some families and not for others, and for people to say it is cruel are wrong in my opinion.

rafichagran

I have 2 adult children and I would not have sent them away to board, but I think people saying it is cruel are arrogant, my way is the only way type of people.
Some children love and enjoy boarding school and want to go, as Sago said her son did. I think it's dreadful that parents are called cruel because their parenting choices are different.

We'd not send ours away, however, yes it is extremely arrogant (and my way is the only way type thinking) to call such people cruel.

Perhaps the parents should find alternatives for the worker to work away at their employment? Perhaps someone should change jobs?

Yes, judgmental and arrogant to assume we can choose for others.

My ex husband went to prep school at eight as it was just 'the done thing'. He absolutely loved it and swears it did him no harm but I think that despite being a basically kind person it stunted him emotionally. One of his sister's on the other hand was traumatised by the whole experience and suffered poor mental health for years because it. Interestingly she only recovered from that once her mother died - perhaps she blamed her? They lived in an area with a good selection of private day schools, and they must have known how unhappy she was being sent away from home, but they still did it!