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My heart is breaking…

(64 Posts)
Mamma66 Fri 31-Jan-25 23:06:23

My older brother is 62. Out of the blue he collapsed yesterday morning. There is no chance of survival, I feel like my heart has broken into a million pieces. We are all pulling together, but I can’t even go to say goodbye to him as my current mobility issues mean that going to see him is impossible. I am literally reeling and heartbroken that such a kind and thoroughly decent person is being torn away from his loving family. Life can be so cruel.

Rainbow1235 Sun 02-Feb-25 20:25:01

Sending u massive hugs xxxx

dogsmother Sun 02-Feb-25 19:59:22

Mamma66, my thoughts are with you, well done for face-timing.

Mamma66 Sun 02-Feb-25 19:48:35

Thank you, in the end I spoke to him on FaceTime. I decided that I didn’t want to regret not speaking to him. It was the right decision and I just about managed to hold it together

Shelflife Sun 02-Feb-25 10:55:00

Mamma, my thoughts are with you today.
In such devastating situations we behave in a way that is right for us. Whatever you do or don't do is your decision and only you know the way to go. You love your brother and he knows that, be at peace with your actions - whatever they may be.
You are in turmoil now and I sincerely hope that the support on GN is of some small comfort.
I won't stop thinking about you .
(((( HUGS )))). 💐💐💐

Whiff Sun 02-Feb-25 10:06:46

Mamma I don't think your brother would feel fear if he heard you cry I think he would want to comfort you but can't . My best friends mom had a massive stroke she sat with her for days holding her hand and talking all the time . She was telling her mom how much she loves her and her mom squeezed her hand and died a few minutes later. It wasn't a muscle spasm as her moms hand hadn't moved in all the time she had been holding it .

I know you are happy with your decision and just had messages past on but this is what happened with my friend and her mom .

Caleo Sun 02-Feb-25 09:51:43

Mamma66, I very much respect your heartbreak. This is a big loss . You will need to let your mourning run its course in your personal feelings. Feelings of sadness are necessary at this time.

keepingquiet Sun 02-Feb-25 09:12:29

We marked the first birthday of my brother since his passing recently. We went to his favourite cafe and had a lovely lunch. He was there in spirit. He rests in peace now, I really feel that so I can now remember him as he was, without any pain on my part.

We also shared our photos and little videos and brought him back to us briefly through technology.

I am so grateful and privileged to have called him my brother. We really should treasure each other while we can.

Kathmaggie Sun 02-Feb-25 08:44:47

My heart goes out to you too …. you are not alone💐

Mamma66 Sun 02-Feb-25 05:14:19

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and suggestions. I partially took the advice you offered and my younger brother has relayed messages from me to my older brother several times over the last two days.

Whilst I was with both of my late parents when they passed, I knew that whilst I could compose myself in person, I did not think I could do it over the phone.

Although I don’t think that my brother could hear me (following a catastrophic stroke) my greatest fear has been that in the unlikely case that he could hear me, I would hate for him to experience fear by hearing me becoming upset. I feel that I have made the right decision and messages have been passed on from me by my younger brother and sister-in-law.

I also pass on my sincere condolences for those of you who have already experienced this loss.

I am so proud of my brother and our whole family and appreciate the support that has been given here. Thank you.

Fidelity2 Sat 01-Feb-25 23:04:58

Your brother is always with you. He is in your head ,and in your heart.

Norah Sat 01-Feb-25 21:03:10

I'm sorry, such sad news. flowers

travelsafar Sat 01-Feb-25 20:36:27

Oil feel your pain. My youngest brother died suddenly at 52years old. It sent shockwaves through the family as he hadn't been ill and had been to work the night before. I will be thinking of you. 😔

ginny Sat 01-Feb-25 20:05:03

I am so sorry to hear this. My big brother died at Christmas. I saw him a week before and although he was really poorly and couldn’t speak much I chatted to him. Do try speaking on the phone if you are unable to get to see him. I’m sure it would help you and in some way be a comfort to him.

granfromafar Sat 01-Feb-25 17:27:17

As others have confirmed, hearing is the last sense to go. I was with my Mum in her final moments and said, what I hope, were words of comfort to her. She passed away very soon after I spoke. My late brother also died suddenly at a young age, 59. It's always hard to bear.

merlotgran Sat 01-Feb-25 17:21:02

I am so sorry Mamma. I lost my younger brother last week and the thought of not having him in my life breaks my heart.

Whatever you do or don’t do, I’m sure he knows how much you love him.

Take care of yourself.

LovesBach Sat 01-Feb-25 17:17:35

So sorry to read this - and if it isn't too impertinent to again say what others have said - please do talk to him over a phone. My dear uncle hovered close to death for several days, and then recovered; he had heard, and repeated to us, most of what was being said around him.

Franski Sat 01-Feb-25 17:13:28

So so sorry. This is so hard. I agree with everyone else. If he is still with you please send a voice message in whatsapp. I did this for my own DD during covid and it has helped me to know that i sent that final note of love and thanks. Please let us know what happens xxxx

twiglet77 Sat 01-Feb-25 17:03:49

It’s far too young, and so dreadfully sad. I’m so sorry. Please do try to speak on the phone, I think it may comfort you to know you tried, and just perhaps, it may comfort your dear brother too.

nanny2507 Sat 01-Feb-25 16:36:40

Call him. He will know x

nanny2507 Sat 01-Feb-25 16:35:51

I lost my husband 20 months ago. Same thing. He was 56

westendgirl Sat 01-Feb-25 11:14:57

So sorry to hear this. Please do try to speak to your brother as others have suggested.I am sur it would help you too. Look after yourself. ~Thinking of you.

Primrose53 Sat 01-Feb-25 11:10:30

Very, very sorry to hear of your sad news.

AGAA4 Sat 01-Feb-25 10:59:04

So sorry. Such an awful shock for you. Speak to your brother and look after yourself at this emotionally raw time.

Indigo8 Sat 01-Feb-25 10:53:21

What a terrible shock. My thoughts and sympathy are with you at this difficult time.thanks

Cossy Sat 01-Feb-25 10:47:30

Thinking of you at this terribly sad and difficult time thanks