Good moring Mick and all GN's on a cold damp looking morning here in North Yorkshire.
Am still tottering around in my dressinggown. Have had a horrible night and several bouts of horrible cramp, to add to the rubbish night. Feel exhausted from lack of sleep and somewhat miserable. Today there is a lovely garden open for snowdrops and they have even got it at a very low price to celebrate 400 years of the house, and with no car and no bus service close to the place, and too far to try and go on the yellow peril, cant even look forward to that. I have been slumming it in my dressing gown as I have put the
heater on in the bathroom and hoping that the wonders of a shower and getting warm will improve the day.
Missing the car a lot today, as the ability to just get out and go where I want always helps on a day like this. I would have gone to the garden and up to swaledale The car lets me pretend I am able to still do everything and it is rather claustrophobic when I cant drive and not up to walking far either. Oh well things surely must improve from this start.
So once I can actually get myself going, I shall as usual enjoy the desert island discs and private passions on the radio which will cheer me up and a bit later when hopefully the weather is a bit better, will venture out with the yellow peril down the town. The cover absolutely ripped to pieces and got the new one yesterday. Very good, perhaps a bit big, but of course arrived in a nice neat bag which zipped up. Can I get it back into the bag? Ha! you must be joking! So have to stuff it in as best as I can, but at least it is a cover.
Whywhywhy, I have every sympathy with you.Depression is a horrible thing, like a thick fog, which you cant even see which way to try and go. People do not understand either. Telling you about how lucky you are or how much worse other people is doesnt help at all and just adds to the misery.
When I had cancer and was coping with operation, chemo etc someone said to me they were amazed how well I was coping with it. When I said that it was easier than coping with depression she looked at me as though I was mad. But coping with a concrete thing, whilst it is tough, you can make plans, try out ways to cope with things and people are sympathetic and want to help. Being in the depth of depression can arrive without warning, and make no rhyme or reason when looking at your situation. So people can be very unsympathetic and not understand why. Well I have news for them, we dont understand why either!! The things I have learnt over the years that give a little help for me are, try not to feel guilty about it, - if you had measles you would not feel you were the one to blame so it is an illness just the same. I have learnt not to try and give myself a "treat" either . When y ou are not able to enjoy that much either it makes you feel worse! So I try to be very boring, just going on with basic things and the usual pattern, so not asking too much of myself. It is very tiring to try and cope with it whilst still struggling with every day things. Sometimes watching an old film which I remember my husband and I enjoying is quite good, as it reminds me that it will pass even if I cant say when.
So let us all have fingers crossed for some sunshine!! I think we all get a bit stir crazy as the winter just doesnt seem to be finishing and we are all longing to get out and about. What a shame our GN's in sunnier climes cannot send us a parcel back to share. Well I can see a little bit of breeze in the now visible tree and a rather fat pigeon walking round about under the tree looking for who knows what. May the day improve for everyone and ah I have just seen the squirrel rushing through the branches and a rather annoyed blackbird now sitting on the fence sort of flicking its feathers of its wings out at the squirrel. Shame it is only a grey squirrel but enjoy watching it. The day starts to get better!
. Enjoy a quiet relaxing conservatory day - you deserve it.
