Having a social life when you’re hard of hearing.

It seems that we have a variety of experiences, perhaps depending on the amount of hearing lost. Like Icandoit I’m very aware of what hard work talking to me can be. I wear my hearing aids from when I get up until I go to bed but no hearing aid can replace the hearing we’ve lost, only help us make the best of what we’ve got left and some of us don’t have much left.

I have Phonak NHS hearing aids which Bluetooth to my phone which is a godsend. I’ve just been looking at the app and couldn’t find any mention of setting the direction but have found another layer of adjustments that I’m going to explore. Meanwhile I’m working on expanding my vocabulary of what I call nod along responses, neutral remarks one can make so that you appear to be following the conversation even if you’re not quite sure what’s being said.

kittylester

I think you can get a 'disabled railcard' if you are deaf.

You’re correct*Kitty*. We were pleasantly surprised to discover that a few years ago. It’s cheaper than a normal Railcard - £20, I think - so that’s one bonus.

The second bonus, which we only found out about at the ticket office, is that your companion/escort also receives a reduced fare!

I wear hearing aids (6 years) and gave just had my 3 year hearing test courtesy of the NHS.
I mentioned that I find it very difficult to hear clearly when in a group of more than 3 to 4 people and don't get me started on certain accents, no chance - Scottish being the worst to decipher - apologies to any Scots reading this.

She said that your ears become lazy and accustomed to the aids and

.....sorry pressed Post too soon

and has referred me for new hearing aids.

I went to a lunch the other day with 10 others, I just sat there nodding, not really catching anything clearly as everyone was talking over each other. It was a longish table with 5 of us each side and I only caught half of what the ladies either side of me and directly opposite said.

It is a very disabling disability.

I am becoming increasingly deaf and the hospital have just cancelled my appointment for hearing aids. I sometimes meet a friend for coffee and she always asks me if I have brought my ear trumpet.

An audiologist should be able to adjust volume using her/his screen. If you have Bluetooth you can use your app on a smartphone to make adjustments.

Having my first hearing test next month. NHS. Rather apprehensive after reading all this. Is there a choice re Bluetooth?

I'm also new to hearing aids. The tinny, hissy sound generally means you have either not got them in properly or you aren't wearing them enough - even a break of a couple of days can set you back.

For a couple of years I was telling DH that the folks on our u3a committee (of which I am treasurer) all spoke quietly and now I realise that I was the problem!

I've also not learnt how to use the technological stuff yet. Bluetooth connection to my phone is both an advantage (can hear it ring wherever it is and answer it without it being there) and a disadvantage (no point in phoning it when you've lost it cos the ringing is only heard inside your ears!).

Could we do with a new thread on here entitled "Things I learnt today about my new hearing aids"?

My son who has Down Syndrome is classed as severely/moderately deaf, I am fed up of people treating him as stupid! Despite having a learning disability he is well aware of life and knows all the politicians by name including Mr Trump (his words not mine 🤬) He may be deaf but not daft.

I’ve got a perforated ear waited ages for repair op then it got cancelled. I was offered hearing aid to wear until the op. Move on a year have managed well with the aid but now know I need the op back on the waiting list. I retire next year and hope I get it done by then . I’m struggling hearing at work nursery teacher.

NotSpaghetti

My father was deaf and he said you must always wear your aids and regularly be prepared to upgrade them.

I'm sure you are already doing this but if not it might be worth checking with your audiologist.

I know he said that it's unfortunate that people don't really understand and make allowances for deafness.

With my mother-in-law we try to go to places ahead of or after the crowd - early or late lunches, early dinners etc and avoid echoing spaces.

Might it be a good idea to go to groups where people speak one at a time - such as a book group?
Or do you play (say) bridge?

I would look at what activity based groups might be suitable.

If you are meeting friends somewhere new I'd phone in advance and ask if they have a quirter area. I'd tell them that someone in your group is hard of hearing. They can't always help but usually they can.
We do this every time we are out with my mother-in-law.

Thinking of you.
Deafness is a bit of a hidden disability it seems to me.

Hard of hearing is a hidden disability and regarded as such within the NHS. The digital aids are a godsend with a smart phone, learn how to use it and also 'how to use your phone as a microphone. You can zoom in and out on your phone as has been described above. Patience as out all takes time to learn, but you will get there. A Roger Pen is also good, see your provider and specialist and to what is available, The NHS is near enough as good as private now. I have had aids for 40 years myself.

Franbern

My new NHS Hearing Aids are programmed onto my smartphone and this allows me to 'direct' where I want the sound to come from/be turned off. I have worn hearing aids for some twenty years and this is the first time have had this facility.

So, now when at meetings in noisy pubs, coffee bars, etc. I use this programme and no more noisy machines, muzak, etc.

This sounds great.
I have some very basic NHS hearing aids and rang them today to ask if I would be able to get bluetooth aids on the NHS as I was thinking of buying some. Apparently I can, I have an appointment next month to be assessed.

I have to wear two hearing aids and it is so difficult in noisy restaurants and cafes. People with perfect hearing just don't seem to understand how difficult it is. They seem to think raising their voice will help instead of actually facing you and innunciating their words. Strangely, I can hear a telephone conversation perfectly.
I am going to have my hearing retested and hopefully get an upgrade on my present hearing aids.

I love my hearing aids as I can listen to the radio directly into my ears. The same when I am phoned on my iPhone.

I often find that people do not like to admit they have aids so avoid asking others to speak up. I often say ‘can you speak up as I can’t hear you’?

I met my lovely GN friend today for coffee, we tried a new cafe and I told her that I would like to go somewhere else next time as I found it too noisy. She said she found it too bright.

Being open and honest is the best way forward I find.

I have been hard of hearing for most of my life because of infections and major operations. I think this makes it easier for me in some ways because I have had a lifetime of learning to adapt. I instinctively learned to lip read and this is a very useful skill when background noise becomes too much. I think one bit of advice l would give is to go to lip reading classes if they are available as they can really help. The classes are about more than lip reading skills as they give ideas on different ways of managing hearing loss. As I have grown older and my hearing has deteriorated considerably - I now call myself deaf - I find l am more assertive about helping myself and not putting up with throwaway remarks or snide comments relating to my hearing: “You were not listening.” “No, I didn’t hear you.” “It doesn’t matter.” “Yes it does, or you wouldn’t have tried twice before giving up.” The other thing that is very annoying is that some people think they have to shout in order for you to hear. Speaking too loudly is not the answer - speaking clearly is. Also, please face me. If you mumble into your boots or speak to the side, I will not hear you.

I have severe hearing loss and agree with Musicgirl comments above. I did a couple of online lip reading classes. (They are called Speech Reading classes here in Canada.) I was recently with a group of people and as I left the room someone apparently said something to me which I didn't hear. On my return she rudely complained. "Well" I said, "You were addressing my back and you know I'm very deaf and rely on reading your lips".I have learnt to ask people to look at me when talking. I no longer go to noisy coffee shops and noisy restaurants and choose quiet places. I ask for help when I can't hear announcements at airports, stations etc. and find people most very helpful.

Also, if people suddenly have severe hearing loss in an ear do see your GP of go to AE asap as it may be possible to recover the hearing with a short course of steroids.

I agree that lip reading can be a very useful skill but I think it’s one of those things that you have to have a talent for. I attended classes but found it very difficult. Now I have a double whammy as I’m also partially sighted.

I’m trying to be more assertive about needing help but always feel that I’m being a nuisance.

@teabagwoman, please don't let yourself feel that you are a nuisance - it is not your fault that you have problems with your eyes and ears. It is for other people to adapt to you: it is they who are being the nuisance by not adapting to you. After all, if you were in a wheelchair, no one would expect you to get out of it and walk because it was inconvenient to them to adapt the circumstances for the person who cannot walk. Deafness is a hidden disability, but it is every bit as much a disability as being unable to walk and our needs are as important as anyone else's needs. If you still feel you are being a nuisance, switch the situation around and imagine that you are the person with perfect sight and hearing and it is a friend or family member who has the problem. I would imagine that you would go out of your way to make the other person feel included. Why do you deserve anything less?

I have had Signia in ear pro for about two years.
There is an app where you can adjust the volume and also direction.
However noisy rooms create a lot of problems but as this thread highlights this is an issue the industry claim to have solved but HAS NOT.
Those silly people who refuse to get gearing aids are fools to themselves and their friends and loved ones. Unfortunately this type of thread only attracts those who know the benefits (and the drawbacks)

My hearing has been deteriorating gradually for years and has got to the stage now where the only hearing I have left is some some reduced hearing in my right ear. So aren't hearing aids wonderful!
There isn't any way round deafness. All the points raised apply regarding where to sit when with a crowd, but really it comes down to the kindness, understanding and tolerance of friends! Of all the places I can go for coffee or lunch there is only one which has curtains at the windows and carpets on the floor and what a difference that makes! To be honest though, I don't think I hear any better, but it takes the tension out of the situation.
And that's the thing that people who haven't experienced hearing loss can't really understand - the sheer, exhausting effort involved in trying to follow a conversation! And the embarrassment (covered by a laugh with everyone else 😉) when you chip in only to discover that what you've been 'hearing' hasn't been what's actually been said. Or that by the time your brain has computed the sounds you've heard into words, the actual conversation has moved on to another topic. Even the action of chewing food can distort the sound of conversation. And as for those coffee machines ..... !!!

I'd also like to add to what I've written above that people with hearing loss still hear noise. It's the clarity of sound that is lost. I liken it to a radio that hasn't been tuned in to a station properly - the sound is still there but it's distorted and 'fuzzy' and the static is masking the words. If you turn up the volume, the distorted sound is still distorted, but louder. And that's why people with hearing loss will say please don't shout!

So many people need hearing aids but don’t get them. Not because they can be expensive but because they “think” their hearing is ok.

How many times have you walked past two mature people having a conversation and they are both shouting but don’t know it.

Taichinan I couldn’t agree more about the exhaustion. A meal out with friends leaves me completely drained. Ive decided that, unless it’s a special occasion, I shall be asking people to come to my home for a takeaway or a ploughman’s type lunch that I can do easily, so that I can hear the conversation without so much effort. I think people, knowing I can no longer drive, feel that it’s good for me to be taken out so I may have to fight my corner!

I have a friend who wears a yellow badge with the words' I'm hard of hearing' in black. He says its very useful to alerting people. His aids are so tiny they are not visible so people are not aware he wears them. Using the badge he says makes people speak face to face and more clearly when talking to him.